To send a sick toddler to nursery?

[user4321]

Im on my way to work feeling awful having just dropped my 18month old off at nursery. He is unwell in the sense he has a cold and runny nose and temp, is being more clingy and is more sensitive to tantrums than his usual self. It is more likely than not that the nursery will call one of us to collect him, but my DH has a meeting first thing (after that he is free and can leave work if required). With my employer, it looks better if I’m called away than to not show up in the first place. But I’m feeling guilty and thinking I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place, is it unfair on the staff?

Children fall ill at nursery

But there's a difference between falling ill at nursery and knowingly deciding that your husband meeting must happen and taking a poorly child into work.

Why should nursery staff be understanding to the fact that parents have to work and pay bills, and be expected to look after sick children potentially leaving them having to take a day of sick they have bills too

They shouldn't be understanding. They can't control it though, in the same way I can't control a sick person coming into my office. It happens

@bubble We all know children can be incubating an illness before displaying symptoms, this is why all settings have strict infection control policies in place. Parents who knowingly send an ill child in are just being selfish. I'm not talking about just a runny nose here.

I've lost count of the number of children we have had to send home the last few weeks because the parents are bringing them back before they're fully recovered. I'm talking about hand, foot & mouth, d&v, croup.

The best is when we ring and they said oh yes I did have to give dc calpol this morning before nursery. This is why we don't administer calpol.

Bubblebubblepop

You can control to an extent, by having policies in place which don't allow sick children to attend nursery, by using they services you need to follow those policies.

Obviously, as you mention in your posts, this isn't something all parents follow. Otherwise there would be no issue

YABU. I think it is incredibly selfish. I hate it when I drop DS in nursery and can see that some of the other kids are obviously sick - so unwell that I can tell by looking at them. I have had to take unpaid time off work so that I can look after my sick children but they come first over work

Your children come first, not a meeting or a job.
If they are a little under the weather then fair enough, you'd be off work all the time, but clearly unwell and clingy, I just couldn't do it.

I can't understand why your dh is only free to look after his ill child after a meeting, that's terrible.
You too should have nothing more important than looking after your ill child.
Yes, people have to work and you can't be off for every sniffle as I said.

Threeislikeaprisonsentence

Doubleshotespresso - are you for real? So you expect me to take 3 months off work thus causing me to lose my job and become homeless to stay home as my child has a cold?!
YES I am for real. Very real in fact. Your assertion that your work commitments exceed those of other parents and their children health is offensive.

She’s catching it from somewhere! A park, a lift, a car door, nursery - who knows. Kids get ill all of the time, you can’t protect them from it. When she had croup she stayed home, likewise when she was very ill and flu- Like but a cold? Didn’t even cross my mind.

Yes of course she is catching to from somewhere! The common thread and where she spends the majority of her week is AT NURSERY where frequently I arrive to find another parent being asked to return home with their sick child . I fully expect DD to get sick, all part of growing up/developing her own immune system. What I will never accept is other parents thinking it is fine to send a child to nursery who is not fit to be there, thus exposing other children to further illness. For your reference the subject of sick children attending was a hot discussion point at the last nursery/preschool parents evening. The mentality of some astounded me and many others.

I’d rather she dealt with a snotty nose at nursery than spending Christmas in a homeless shelter. Some of us don’t have the luxury of having lots of money or tons of family support to see it as a choice.

Bully for you. I am also one of the "some of us" you refer to. I do not have the luxury of lots of money (THIS is why I work ) and no family support either. But this never means that my child does not come first. If she is too unwell to attend-I make alternative arrangements, some days that means losing significant sums of money or leave, sometimes I am able to work from home. I am not saying it is ideal, but that is what is necessary for her well-being and sensible for her peers so I happily do it.

I feel very bad for people who’s kids have immune issues etc but when you send your child to nursery, or let them leave the house in winter it is to be expected they will pick up all sorts of illnesses. Most are infectious before you even know about them. But to expect working people to keep there kids off over every snotty nose is ridiculous.

Yes you feel SO BAD that as you stated upthread- "Didn't even cross my mind". Nobody on here has suggested they expect their children to never get sick. They resent other people placing their own work commitments above the consideration for other small children who are repeatedly exposed when you send your sick child in to join them. As I also stated upthread, DD has been desperately sick since August, not the depths of winter and is today (&looks like tomorrow too now) as she is yet again with a fever/high temp et al due to what the nursery staff informed me is due to parents like you who think this is all fine. I think it is ridiculous of you to assume that your time or childs' health is more precious than mine or any other parent. We can all reasonably expect little bouts of sickness yes, persistent exposure from children who should be at home is unreasonable, selfish and disrespectful.

This was one of the reasons I decided not to go back to work, we had no cover for sickness.
We decided to move 300 miles away from family and friends before we started a family.
This was neither the fault of our dc, other people or their dc.
I'm not suggesting that all women should stay at home, but you should have cover for sickness, be it your partner, relative, friend, or neighbour.
You owe it to your child and other people.
Your partner likewise, it should be 50% responsibility to sort out a solution.

@bostonkremekrazy not sure what I wrote but yeah that's what i meant sorry. He will always get the jab x

Cold fair enough, fever not so

Our nursery are also fine with a mild temp controlled by paracetamol. Colds are contagious for about a week, they don't stop being contagious because the temp has gone. So unless he is to be kept off all that time I don't know why everyone is horrified.

Poor little one should have been able to stay at home. How miserable for him.

Can not believe the hysteria over a slightly raised temperature and being a bit off colour.

Only in the world of Mumsnet.

In the real world people have to work, to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads. They simply can not stay off every time their child is a little unwell or they would be out of a job.

Sickness and diarrhoea, full blown flu, fever, chicken pox etc is obviously completely unacceptable, but a cold? Slightly raised temperature controlled by calpol? Sniffle?
Get a grip.

If your child has low immunity you know they are likely to pick illnesses up easily and that’s shit, but nurseries are full of germy kids and surely you know the risk of using such child care? It’s not always feasible for parents to just drop everything over a minor illness, and besides a lot of nurseries are happy to take kids anyway as long as they are not hugely unwell.

DH and I used to try to do half days when DD was sick. If you work fairly locally and in jobs that make this possible, it did work quite well. Both employers saw us yet we were able to tag team DD too. It's never ideal, but maybe something that could work when you need time off and don't have family nearby.

I would also have done the same as you if it was DS. I do follow nursery policy (which says 38 degrees for a fever) unless he is definitely out of sorts and I therefore accept that other parents in nursery will also send their children in with similar, slightly peaky but not obviously unwell, symptoms. I also accept that children will go downhill at nursery and 'slightly peaky' could turn to 'obviously unwell' during the day, again exposing my DS to that illness. Now, it would be different if you're sending a child with a temp over 38 or a child who was obviously unwell, and I'd be cross about parents at our nursery doing that.

Ohbollocks...not taking it personally at all? Just joining in a thread of conversation. Just thought it was silly that your original post was blaming everybody else for your child getting chicken pox?! These things do happen you know. Kids are infectious with chicken pox a few days before the spots come out so no-one was to know their child had it in all likelihood. I very much doubt a parent sent their child in covered in spots. Even if every parent kept their child off the very second they were ill, nursery's would still be full of germs. It's the nature of the beast. And yes I have sent my child in ill. We all have. Because with the best will in the world, you don't often know they are!!!! My child caught all sorts at nursery, as they all do. Chicken pox, colds, eye infections....you name it she had it. They all did. We all make decisions as we see fit. Of course if my child was terribly unwell I would keep her off, but there is a difference between that and a simple cold, which probably 99 per cent of the kids have in the winter months. Its the same throughout school and in working life.

No, you should not have sent him imo. If he's ill you need to stay with him and also not pasd on any illness to other children at the nursery

YABVU...2 of my friends send their DC to nursery when they clearly ill...its me that takes then,we live rurally- and my dd is constantly picking up a cold. I for one am fucking sick of it. I've picked these kids up with snot all over their faces and looking like crap. What is wrong with people? Meep your kids at home for fucks sake.

Yes

Grossly unfair on other children and parent's as well as your child.Presumably they won't give Calpol it doesn't take much for a fever to become febrile convulsions do you really trust staff and nursery to be that vigilant.Sometimes you have to put your child first this is one such occasion.

I'm truly sorry to hear that your little one is ill; I am. But this is a no-brainer. There are laws in place to protect you from repercussions from your employer if situations like this arise.

I don't blame you OP. I probably would have done the same unless he seemed very unwell. And other parents definitely do it. My 2 yr old started nursery in September and he's picked up various things there- from other kids sent in poorly I expect. In an ideal world no one would but that's just not real life! Don't beat yourself up.

Why do you EVEN need to ask!? You are being extremely unreasonable, un-caring, selfish and stupid. Sorry, but that is a fact.

Well she’ll certainly be feeling guilty now after all that judgement!!! No, children shouldn’t be at nursery having had Calpol but life is full of questions& decisions and juggling - sometimes we make mistakes/errors of judgement/ go into autopilot before we really think about the consequences- she should try to arrange something for any future illness and give herself a break ! It’s bloody hard work being a mum and no one's perfect.

BRAVO!!! doubleshotespresso

extremely well put, and very fair!! xxx