To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

What time do your primary age kids go to bed that you don’t have time between when they do and 11pm to get some quality couples wrapping in?

What time do your primary age kids go to bed that you don’t have time between when they do and 11pm to get some quality couples wrapping in?

Mine doesn’t go to bed till 10pm at the earliest in the holidays. She’s 7.

Sorry have I lost my mind?

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day = 48 hours.

Your DH is not allowed to spend (let's be generous and say) 4 hours of that in church/travelling to and from?

I'm pretty damn sure a lot of other posters DH and DPs spend more than 4 hours in the pub over that period!

As his wife, you should be encouraging him in his interests/beliefs/hobbies/spiritual growth. As he should you in yours. Wouldn't it be nice to take your children to church on Christmas Day and they can decide one day if it's for them or not?

I feel a bit sad for your DH that his wife/family don't go with him at least occasionally.

Do you feel threatened by his newish-found religion?

I just cannot understand why him being away for 1hr when the kids are asleep is such a big deal to you.

Please ask yourself - what is this REALLY about?

Yabvu with regard to your dismissive attitude to your dh's faith.
What I can't get my head round though is why the presents absolutely have to be wrapped on Christmas Eve. If that's a tradition, it needs knocking on the head, wrap them up as you buy them ffs
Dh is a church organist so he buggers off about 9pm on Christmas Eve. I bloody love it, even when the dc were small. I open a bottle, do the necessary prep for the Christmas lunch, watch whatever shite I want on the telly. I go to church on Christmas morning knowing it's all in hand and it's a totally relaxed day. Dc are adults now but it's been the same since they were born.

Serious historians all accept that Jesus existed;

No one is arguing that men called Jesus would have lived in that area at that time, it was a common name. Did he preach? No one knows. Did he claim to be the son of God? No one knows. Was he even one man or a composite of several men preaching a similar message? I read an intersting aritcle that suggested this may be so, but the fact is,.....no one knows.

There really is no "fact" regarding Jesus of Nazareth as Christians believe him to be, but that is the whole point of faith, belief without proof. Those of us who do not have faith however do need proof when presented with "facts".

Oh Jelly
Any chance you could be worrying that he's using church as a cover and he's up to his old tricks again?
That big ol' Christian mofo spreading the love at Christmas. Just heartwarming. Keep your wits love, you know where we are. hint not aibu...

What on earth is the problem? The children will be asleep, you can enjoy preparations with your husband before he leaves, he can go at 11pm and you can have a little peace and relaxation before bed.

It's Christmas...he's Christian. It's very odd to expect him to miss this once a year extremely important Christian gathering.

Wapper, what are his “old tricks”? Do they involve water, wine, loaves and fishes?

Chicken You seem not to have read the OPs posts before posting.

Sadly not Worried his tricks are more to do with Tinder and fibs. True Christian behaviour to be sure.

Wow!!!

I am on the fence here.

I think Church services are lovely at Christmas, and Easter etc, and cannot fathom why the OP doesn't want to go too. But I would struggle to be with someone who went to Church twice a week every single week, and to hell with anything anyone else wanted to do.

Imagine going away on a lovely romantic week for a break, and your other half is hunting for a Church to go to, and won't settle unless they can go to a service.

You can be a committed, practicing Christian without going to Church for every last bloomin' service. Going to Church every single week (or twice a week even!) doesn't 'prove' you're a better Christian.

I don't envy the OP, and would not like to be in her shoes.

I have nothing against any Religion, but if I married someone who had no interest in a faith, and then suddenly found Jesus and insisted on going to everything the Church had on, and put it over and above everything else, I would struggle with it.

He needs to be reminded of the Seventh Commandment before he worries about MM.

Pyongyang, yes you’re right that nobody knows anything for definite. How can that ever be possible? But what is interesting is that the earliest of Paul’s letters were written no more than 15 years after Jesus was crucified. (There is a mention of it in secular literature of the period, and it’s highly unlikely that such a shameful death would have been dreamt up if it didn’t actually happen.)

Legends don’t get created in such a short space of time, not when the eye witnesses are still alive.

I did take a step back from this thread because quite frankly its extremely disheartening to be told even this far down the thread that im being hypocritical (how so, fffion?) and v unreasonable, when at least 80% of those posters appear to have latched onto one fact ('please dont do mm') without considering others (also out the next day) or rtft, at least the updates. Which are being accused of being a dripfeed.
I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself constantly (yes, iabu, he can go however many times he likes, whenever he likes, im wrapping presents before xmas eve, will hide in suitcases).
Thanks to those posters who gave a comment which took into account all facts, not just one. Yes, it has turned into a bit of a bunfight, powered largely by those who think religious beliefs trump everything else. Quite telling that only a small minority of religious ppl commenting gave a considered opinion (even if telling me iabu ), these ppl are the religious ones id like to know. Thank you. Not so much the others.
Apologies if I haven't answered a q, i was pretty much seeing repeats of stuff I'd already addressed.
wappers who knows what he's thinking? Hes pretty much screwed the trust by lying about lots of stuff (all sex/ other ppl based afaik) so, i thought spending a nice xmassy eve in would be a pleasant, not unreasonable thing to do, some of us enjoy the secular atmosphere, as unbelievable as that may be. How wrong i was!

Jelly

What is shouting out to me is that he seems to be constantly looking outside of the marriage/family for ...something (who knows what?).

He takes you for granted, that much is clear, but I suspect that there is more to it than that and if the faith suddenly disappeared, then it would be something else. I suspect that he is one of those people who is never happy with what he has, but is always looking for something else, something better. First it was other women, now it is religion, next it could be fitness or drugs or alcohol or work or music........always there will be something. I feel that because i am married to one (although he hasnt really moved on from other women.....), and it is the worst place to be. If there is one thing worse than being utterly alone, is being utterly alone sitting next to your husband.

I am lining up ducks (very long term for financial reasons) and I hope that you soon feel able to do the same because take it from one who has worn the apron, honey it dont get any better.

Jellybelly, I actually didn’t think you were being U. I know I got sucked into the religious bunfight, but that wasn’t really your issue, I realise that. I do think your DH should prioritise your relationship at Christmas, and choose one of the services at his church, not insist on going to both. His faith should not be used as an excuse not to spend time with his family.

What happened to the bit of Christianity that says you should be kind and consider the needs of others?

" I love Bertrand's contention that only attending mosque is a religious requirement"

I didnt see Bertrund say that. Anyway, even if she did she'd have been right. The requirement in the Bible is to fellowship with one another. Not attend church.

If it was the latter, they'd be an awful lot of people on the sad list with him upstairs by now, like the yazidis.

Ignore the last M. Thumb is trigger happy.

How is it any more difficult to hide wrapped presents than it is to hide unwrapped ones? Sound more like you have your own tradition and you want him to join it.

Your husband is a Christian and he is going to church to celebrate Christmas according to his religious belief. It would be really unreasonable to stop him doing that just so you can wrap presents on Christmas Eve. If you don’t like his religious choices, you can always walk away.

He's pretty much screwed the trust by lying about lots of stuff (all sex/other people based afaik)
So do you think that he might be up to something else when he goes out at 11 on Christmas Eve? Is that perhaps why you don't want him to go out?

itsonkyme no, i dont. I believe he would be at church, which is why i didnt mention anything else.
Its not about wanting him to miss church to wrap presents. Its about spending a special evening together, as he's planning on church the next day too.
original try rtft. Already answered.
mittens thx. The bunfight was not of my making, seemed a bit much for some pp to tell me I'd started it deliberately then buggered off...

pyong I think you're right - it seems like a certain type of personality, obv a very successful career (largely enabled by myself), nice house, hobby, wife and lovely dc arent enough....always looking elsewhere for validation < that's it EXACTLY.
Good luck with your plans, hope you're not too badly screwed financially.

OP, it sounds as if your H expects everything to revolve around his needs and wishes; it's no wonder you feel fed up and taken-for-granted.
You are absolutely not being unreasonable in wanting him to start considering everyone's needs and wishes, or in expecting him to do his fair share of 'family work'. And it's not surprising that your understandable frustration is coming to a head over Christmas, when your respective priorities are so different.
But I think you might be making a mistake, tactically, by focusing on his attendance at Christmas Eve/Day services. It makes it too easy for him, in his own mind, to perceive himself as a martyr to a "mean" DW, who doesn't appreciate his faith. And I think there's a real risk that he will view giving up Midnight/Christmas Day Mass as being adequate as his sole contribution to creating the lovely family Christmas you desire.
Don't focus on this one specific issue: make it clear that, if he is committed to your relationship and family, he needs to participate fully in preparing for and celebrating Christmas with you and your DC. Then you can discuss concrete examples of this, such as your plans for Christmas Eve/Day.