To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

Yes I agree with her too on some threads, it’s the rudeness of her posts that I always find too much, even when I agree with her.

I've just been told pretty much the same upthread.

is*

Caretaker

Oh the irony of that comment.

I'm not remotely religious, but to suggest that attending a Christmas church service gets in the way of what Christmas was intended for is truly one of the most bizarre sentiments I have read on here.

Christmas us about children, not about dads and their fairy stories.

Sorry to burst your little fairy bubble but Christmas isn’t just about children.

But in our society there is an expectation i think that Christmas will involve family time including time with dc if there happen to be any - so it's not unreasonable to expect that.

(Of course I realise that a C day service doesn't take the whole day - but morning is an exciting part of it all for young dc! Nice to have dparents there to play with the just opened presents. however, in this case the issue seems not to be the C day service but MM - which I accept does not take away a parent's time with dc - apart from very young babies, possibly! incidentally I have seen dc at MM - in their pyjamas, very sweet)

My dad is very religious and always attended church services. We either went with him or we stayed at home with my mum. Most of the time we went with. I loved those Christmas services -they were beautiful. I was never a believer but I could still appreciate it. It's a couple of hours out of a day and it's someone's firmly held beliefs. I can't bear intolerance of anything and that includes religion and religious practices. There are loads of opportunities to wrap the presents. It doesn't remotely affect the kids if their dad goes to midnight mass. I'm sure he'll be around in the morning to see them open their presents as well, as presumably they aren't going to wait until mid morning to do that?

caretaker- maybe in your house.

In our family christmas is a time for everyone.

Christmas us about children, not about dads and their fairy stories

Don't be ridiculous.

I can't bear intolerance of anything and that includes religion and religious practices

Likewise. Wherever you find it, intolerance of other people's spiritual beliefs is appalling and wrong.

I don't share the DH's beliefs, and I've already commented that he sounds like a dick, but this thread appears to be a catalyst for people to spew their small-minded intolerance.

Wherever you find it, intolerance of other people's spiritual beliefs is appalling and wrong

What if someone uses “spiritual beliefs” to try and excuse abuse?

I confess here and now that I haven’t read all seventeen pages, but just in case the OP os still reading and still intending to wrap on Christmas Eve.

I used to wrap on Christmas Eve as well. Then there came a year when the ‘finally falling asleep at eleven’ didn’t happen. Getting up early the next morning (they still woke just as early) was horrible, having not managed to finish wrapping before about three in the morning. I advise finding somewhere to hide them and doing them earlier, regardless of the midnight mass situation. You can always stick the bows on on Christmas Eve.

Not quite sure where the intolerance is. I for one, said that there were plenty of ways the op's dp could go to church and pull his weight in the Christmas preparations.

What if someone uses “spiritual beliefs” to try and excuse abuse?

Then that person is in the wrong but that does make the spiritual beliefs wrong. Be intolerant of the person, not the belief.

Presents can be wrapped and hidden in a car boot or somewhere else. You are not being asked to go to either service, and it is not the middle of an evening.

YANBU.

Actually, I'm not going to be tolerant of all beliefs. Some are truly awful. And I am happy to be tolerant of any belief, however benign, up to the point where it impacts on me. No further.

YABU and you quiet frankly seem to be the type that don't wanna admit when they're wrong. This season comes once a year. A compromise would literally be for you to wrap on the 23rd or slightly before which is a few days before Xmas. It might be a new religion to him but he's taking it seriously and you need to respect that.

Him being Unreasonable would be for him denying you wrapping gifts on the 23rd because of random activity that is not related to Xmas. He now believes in Xmas for the religion and you believe in Xmas for the commercial gifts.

And I'm not surprised your kids not loving Xmas with the negative attitude you've got towards it . You should thank your gods that he hasn't turned to Islam!

You should thank your gods that he hasn't turned to Islam!

Midnight Mass is often THE most important bit of Christmas for Christians. A crib service (though lovely) wouldn't cut it as it is the taking of communion as your first activity on Christmas Day that is so important.

Of course your DH should pull his weight with Christmas prep, but I think you are being unreasonable for putting present wrapping (which could be done other time, you just don't want to!) ahead of your DH's spiritual wellbeing.

What if someone uses “spiritual beliefs” to try and excuse abuse?

I'm not sure if you're thinking of a specific example, but obviously that would be completely wrong and indefensible.

That is separate to being tolerant of someone's right to practice their faith and have their spiritual beliefs. Not being tolerant of that has lead to all kinds of trouble historically speaking...

I disagree vehemently with various aspects of religion. And so I don't practice them. But since the world isn't aligned to my personal belief system, however, other people should be free to make their spiritual choices, regardless of what I think about them.

It's a fairly fundamental thing really.

I for one, said that there were plenty of ways the op's dp could go to churchandpull his weight in the Christmas preparations
Same.

There is an obvious solution to this entire situation... don't wrap the Christmas presents late on Christmas eve.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes I couldn't agree more.

YABU I think his religious beliefs trump wrapping presents, they can be done another time.

Jelly belly queen - I have a question.

Would him going to Midnight Mass be as big an issue if he did more to help with presents (whatever the wrapping/bow solution was) and in the run-up?

Sounded to me like he leaves you to do all the grunt work and that's behind your resentment.

OP is being totally unreasonable and totally hypocritical.

We as a family go to both midnight and morning services. They are totally different, so don't understand why some PPs are saying that are the same. fewer drunks at the morning service . I can't imagine Christmas without going to church.