To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

I’m only ‘firing off replies to you’ as I feel I owe you a reply because I’ve obviously irked you.

I normally quote, I’ve not had time today. I do apologise you’ve found that to be discourteous.

I have not and I am not was in reply to, at that time, the last message you’d sent me, I did not appreciate that you found it difficult to understand my reply to your reply. Duly noted.

As i said, I came on to give my opinion at that stage to the OP not to anyone else.
Now, I’ve not had to time read the full thread since then and have only replied to you to be ‘courteous’ I’ll stop now. Is quite frankly all I’ve seen you do is pull other people apart and that’s not for me. Good day.

Yes that was my point, Bertrandrussell, it’s based on historical fact. Our interpretation of those facts is obviously up to the individual. My point was that there is no need to sneer at people whose beliefs are different from yours.

That’s not what the thread is about though. The OP does have a right to object to her DH using his faith as an excuse to opt out of helping her wrap up the presents. I would suggest that a good compromise would be for him to go to one service, not two.

As I said before, I dont get the impression this man is particularly Christian. He sounds like a selfish person who uses church attendance to opt out of family life.
I know some wonderful, kind people of various faiths and none.
I also know people who profess to be devout but are actually selfish, nasty, dishonest individuals.
One particular stalwart of the church choir turned out to be a paedophile.
I judge people by what they do.

How do family holidays work if one partner insists on going to 2 church services a week?

In exactly the same way as families where one partner insists on watching 3 hours of tv a week.

Of course there are not so many TV watchers these days. And taken to extreme it can be a problem. I read on a thread here about one person who watched TV or went online every single night. Goodness knows how the family coped .

Mind you her poor husband didn’t know this when he married her.

I don't go to church any more but I respect others' wish to do so. I love Bertrand's contention that only attending mosque is a religious requirement. OP has buggered off after starting an anti Christian bun fight. And it all kicks off as per usual

I should have said that she watched Tv on Christmas Eve and then again Christmas Day. That’s twice within 24 hours. What an extremist.

Some people have no respect for family life.

You're getting a bit of a hard time on here OP but the way you presented the issue (wrapping presents vs midnight mass) isn't the real crux of the matter.

It seems that you are understandably resentful that he seems to expect the rest of the family to work around his schedule with little consideration of anyone else.

Despite being a complete athiest, I can understand that, for a Christian, going to church on Xmas eve and Xmas day would be important. But your DH should also realise that spending time with his family is important as well and that he should be able to compromise.

In the highly unlikely event of my DH suddenly finding religion, I don't think I'd kick up a fuss about him going to both. But then, my DH is the type who does 50:50 around the house and would be sensitive about discussing to how often he was out the house.

"Yes that was my point, Bertrandrussell, it’s based on historical fact. Our interpretation of those facts is obviously up to the individual. My point was that there is no need to sneer at people whose beliefs are different from yours.

Historical possibility/probability. Not fact. And disagreement is not sneering.

It's the opposite in our house. Dh is not a church-goer but I am. I go to midnight mass every year - he knows how important it is to me and he accepts it. It is such an important service to me and I would hate to miss it. I don't leave until 11pm so we have most of the evening together and I walk to church so we still enjoy a drink together etc. Presents are wrapped in the days before but dh usually waits up and then we sort the Father Christmas stuff when I get home - I love that as it feels properly magical filling stockings and scoffing mince pies in the early hours! Dcs do usually come to church with me on an average Sunday but midnight mass is too late - don't want tired grumpy kids on Christmas Day. We all go to the crib service at tea time on Christmas Eve though - dh included. Having said all that I don't go to church on Christmas morning too - too much else to do and like to be at home with the family.

" I love Bertrand's contention that only attending mosque is a religious requirement"

I didn't say that. But don't let the facts get in the way of a good story.

I read on a thread here about one person who watched TV or went online every single night.

A person who goes 'online' every night. How shocking.

Suspect MN wouldn't be around very long without people going 'online' every day.

Wrap the presents a day earlier

Let dh go to Church.

the effect of going to church is that you are not with your family, so even if cg - er doesn't take them along s/he is still imposing his/her views on the rest of the family, by being absent

Very succinctly put. It's as though his need for formal worship takes precedence over everything else. That's why it rankles with me.

To the people who like them, sports, online games, certain TV shows, dance classes, gardening etc are just as important as rituals involving ancient mythology and imaginary friends.
Each to their own, by all means - as long as those with the hobbies are not expecting people who have no interest in these hobbies to accomodate them and pick up the slack for the hobbyist all the time.

I respect people's right to follow whichever brand of mythology they prefer. But I am under no obligation to respect their imaginary friends.

Wow, you are goady, Bertrand. That’s why I posted what I did. Jesus was not imaginary, he was a historical figure whatever you think about who he was. Yes, you really are sneering and it’s very childish.

Sorry, it was Reanimated who said that, and she’s always been goady and childish.

I find Reanimated a breath of fresh air

Ahh, wrapping presents- the great hardship of our time. I'm sure you can both find another time, ie the night before Christmas Eve, to wrap the presents. Or do a few each a night in the run up to Christmas.

You'll still have his company earlier in the evening and then he'll only be gone for a short time. I honestly think it's unhealthy to think he can't leave the house for a couple of hours on a special occasion to attend something that is obviously important to him, just because you think he should be keeping you company instead?

Such a sad sad thread

You’re right, I’ll bow out of this. It’s become a religious bun fight and it’s not getting any of us anywhere. It’s also a long way from what the OP’s question. Mind you, she’s disappeared anyway.

Or is this just a family avoiding hobby like cycling or golf?

Then he wouldn't go to midnight mass would be? Considering the kids would be in bed at that time, he'd have no need to do any avoiding. Unless you mean to say that this man has invented his religious beliefs in order to get out of wrapping a few presents.

People explaining about the holy days of obligation - of course we don't know which denomination is involved here. As far as I know I don't think C of E really goes in for that does it? I had thought it was an RC concept. (No idea about other denominations but I doubt it.)

So if C of E, I'd be surprised if the issue was that dh feels obliged to go 24th Sunday morning, MM and Christmas day! But the wish to go can be very strong - which is why I think cgers in non c going families have to be quite strict with themselves in taking into account the needs of their dc (and dspouse) as well! (Though parts of the NT might appear to disagree, I realise!)

Sorry, it was Reanimated who said that, and she’s always been goady and childish.

Oh, I dunno. I don't agree with her on this thread (at all) but I've seen other threads where she's said things I've agreed with and stood her ground in the face of intense pitchforking criticism.

Yes I agree with her too on some threads, it’s the rudeness of her posts that I always find too much, even when I agree with her.

A good compromise for DH would be for him to do a whole load of the other Christmas preparations, so that you get some nice time off earlier in the day, or earlier in the week. That would hopefully make it feel less onerous when he goes to church and leaves you doing the presents.