To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

OP you would have got different replies if you’d posted about the actual issue-that your husband views you as his servant and incubator and you’re already a single parent but with the added bonus of picking up his crusty underwear. Sulking and refusing to do his share of house drudge and raising his offspring doesn’t sound very ‘christian’, maybe he should focus on being less shit rather than escaping to sit on his hole at a church.

I'm on the fence, I was brought up in a Roman Catholic household, dm is religious but df is not.

We went to one or the other, as a child I preferred midnight mass. We all went until I was 16, even df who is a staunch non believer. It was a couple of hours one day a year to support dm and her beliefs.

I'd wrap them with him before Xmas eve and get him to put the under the tree after mass.

Oh FGS. Move the prersent wrap so its not on Christmas Eve. Have Christmas Dinner at tea time so he can go to church and still have time to help cook it. Religious families round the country do this.

If the problem is he's not willing to help at any time then deal with that, but insisting he cuts back on church attendence at Christmas (or Easter) is just unfair.

Thank you Danceswithwarthogs.

"...(a minority) of men in churches who are very devout in church but use the bible to justify being inflexible and misogynistic at home (hope he's not one of these)" Absolutely, this is not the current teaching of most UK churches but you do still come across it, sadly!

I think Jellybellyqueen your dh is giving his kids a really bad view of what faith is all about. He could do the religious stuff at church but also do some things around Christmas at home with the kids, make a nativity scene from cut outs/models/even junk modelling, and tell the story and why it is important. How ordinary the baby was, but how special. Lots of nice messages even if one is not very religious.

I decided long ago Santa only brings one present per child in our house, easier to hide and we as parents get the credit for all but one gift! I agree with others re the wrapping. Can you wrap a few presents each night in the run up to Christmas and then as FeistyColl says "Wrapped presents then go back wherever it was that the unwrapped presents were kept....." But again, this is not the main issue, is it?

Your dh has abdicated himself from family life to some extent, he has abandoned you in one sense, not for one night a year but emotionally and practically to some degree and he is hurting you.

In your shoes I would grit my teeth, get through this season as best I could and then try and engage your dh in turning things around. You've been together a long time and I am sure you had/have genuine love, but your dh has IMHO 'got lost' in his faith, he has allowed it to make a negative impact on himself and his part of the family, it is alienating him from you, you from him, and will undoubtedly impact the kids. As a Christian this is alarming and sad, and I really feel for you. I just want to wish you all the best OP.

Clitoria you made me laugh out loud. Spot on.

Sit your dh and kids down and explain the fictional nature of JC and SC...

Why do people feel they can criticise Chritianity on MN while they wouldn;t dare rip shreds out of Islam, Buddhism, etc? Just because YOU don't mbelieve doesn't mean that other people can't. FFS./

Do people actually wrap on Christmas Eve

Why shouldn’t he go it’s only an hour late at night.

I actually think it’s really mean of you.

Your dc May believe one day and enjoy midnight mass or church on Christmas Day.

"Why do people feel they can criticise Chritianity on MN while they wouldn;t dare rip shreds out of Islam, Buddhism, etc? "
They do, you know. I am an equal opportunities shred ripper.

He facilitates nothing. The only reason he cleans up after dinner is because he bitched about how i did it, so one day I stopped doing it. Same with putting the bins out. Yet expects the household to revolve around his evening out (early dinner, so nothing else happens on this day) and Sundays at church. All year.

Sounds like you have much bigger issues in the relationship. You don't even sound athough you like him!

What does he contribuite? I think you should forget about the MM red herring. Instead, sit him down and talk about your relationship in general.

Make a list of chores and divide them up. Regularly take time out of the house for yourself so he can look after his own dc. If he won't entertain those, then you know where you stand.

BTW he doesn't sound like a good Chrisian. For Christians, only part of their religion is going to church. They're meant to spend their lives living as Jesus wanted: being kind, thoughtful, generous, selfless. Your h ticks none of those boxes.

Why do people feel they can criticise Christianity on MN while they wouldn't dare rip shreds out of Islam, Buddhism, etc?

They do, you know. I am an equal opportunities shred ripper.

A-ha, well that's OK then. I think I see more bile and hatred aimed at Xianity than at other religions on MN, though.

Op

You have far bigger problems

He sounds like one lazy Christian

Itsonkyme

You are missing my point. It matters not whether it is the FA Cup or Midnight Mass, its the fact that he is using it as an excuse to abdicate himself from family responsibilities and it sounds like it is the latest in a long line of excuses. If the OP did choose to divorce him it wouldnt be over him going to church on Xmas eve/day, but about his selfishness. Its like the viral blog about a man who's wife left him over not putting his cup in the dishwasher.

I haven’t read full thread and, after contributing my two penn’orth just before work, I can see you’ve had loads of replies, op.
Your problem is not Christmas but the face he has now started practicing religion more regularly.
Haven’t worked out whether he is RC or not - I understand Cof E also call is midnight mass.
As a rubbish RC with a devout practicing Mum, I would say that twice a week for a person who is not retired is a bit weird and unnecessary.
I don’t know whether Christmas falls on a Sunday this year (how shit am I?) but you have your Christmas commitment- sorted by attendance at Midnight Mass- and your Sunday commitment. If the two fall on the same day, midnight mass will cover both. You don’t need to go to two.

You sound like your just making excuses of why he cannot go.

Is there more to this story ?

If not you are just being unreasonable. It's 11pm
What are you really going to be doing that can't be done earlier or another time.

What would happen if you said you wanted to go to midnight mass, so as he's been going alone for the last few years, it's your turn now? Then he gets to stay home and wrap presents on his own...

It may not result in the cosy evening of togetherness that you really want, but it would at least break up the routine you've fallen into and might make him think about how his church attendance impacts you.

Not true. I've often seen Islam criticised just as well as Christianity does.

Your right to freedom of religion does not trump another's to disagree with it. They are not preventing you from practicing, just disagreeing. Which they're perfectly entitled to do.

It sounds as if you’re fed up and angry with him for not pitching in all round. This is very different from your op. The way you talk about how you both organise your lives, the two of you sound rigid and uncompromising. For your marriage to work you both need to learn to compromise and talk to one another.

Another Christian here. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to choose one of the services rather than go to both. But I think a bigger problem here is your resentment of his general attitude to family life. Wanting to go to church and a church group every week is fair enough on his part but a marriage should be a partnership and he needs to be supporting you in daily life.

I would love to be able to go to midnight mass but as a single mum I compromise and we all go to the Christingle service on Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day is family time.

People always try the "poor persecuted Christians" stchik. It'so so annoying.

See, my reading of the NT inclines me to think God/Jesus would be more likely to tell her to get her sinful self down to MM on the double and repent.

Rather Judgemental of you.

Didnt think Jesus advocated judgment. Especially given you seem to be well equipped with the reading of the NT you must have come across the story where Jesus refused to condemn the adulterous woman by now?...

People always try the "poor persecuted Christians" stchik. It'so so annoying.

Yes Bertrand and it's fucking nauseating from grown adults who have the freedom to practice whatever religion they want or not should they wish to. Compare that with certain parts of the world where their brothers and sisters risk (and are) getting executed for even admitting to being a Christian but yeah us poor lot, totally persecuted.

Definitely YANBU. Just because its a religious hobby does not not make it any different from, say, cycling or golf. He's shirking.

"Hmm. I've never seen it suggested that somebody misses Friday prayers during Ramadan to do something that could equally well be done at any other time."

Presumably because Friday Prayers during Ramadan are a requirement and going to Midnight Mass and Christmas morning mass isn't?

MummhoflittleDragon,
I agree entirely. The OP needs to state the real reason for her unhappiness with her "Dh" .