To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

YABU and not very nice. I can’t believe that anyone would object to someone with a faith attending church at Christmas.

whiskyowl I think she said that he didn't do any of the other preparations...

FWIW I think it all can be solved on a practical level. A midnight service sounds quite lovely, I can understand the appeal for you - but you used the word abandoned, which isn't nice for you. Don't let anyone on here dismiss your feeling - if that is how you feel, then that is how you feel, and it needs to be sorted.

FWIW, I was raised in a very religious community and it was never normal for small (primary age) children or their parents to go to Midnight Mass. That was for adults. We were raised that children should be in bed and their parents should be looking after them. Young families had children's masses to attend specially for them.

Well at least he's consistent, I'm an atheist married to a "pick'n'mix" catholic. Just does the bits he fancies, Christmas morning for instance but not Easter. Now that is unreasonable.

She is not objecting to him attending church, it is to him attending church so often without any of his family. Not only that he is leaving everything up to her.

Twice within twelve hours!

Is that really the norm for practicing Christians?

Godsplain!

The bummer this year is Christmas Eve is a Sunday, and to fulfill your Obligation you have to go on a Sunday AND the feast day, Monday, being Christmas Day. I remember the outrage of it as a child, having to go to Mass twice in two days!

It’s only an hour tops or he could even nip off after Communion. But let him go with good Grace.

Wrap on 23rd and put in boot of his car. On 24th do a family walk early eve, get kids in pjs, have a family night with a film and nibbles. Children to go bed, you crack open the alcohol. He goes to church,you go to bed. He brings in gifts when he gets in. Sorted.

YABU. Wrap the presents before. If he wants to go xmas eve and Christmas Day he can. I don't think you should have to suffer by attending Christmas Day though. If he wants you there, he looks after the DC! Not you!

YABU. I can imagine my response to DP or anyone who asked me not to go to the stables on Christmas morning and then again in the eve because they want to spend more time with me or for me to do more. It wouldn't be polite!

Because he is going on Christmas Day as well I would say that it is a reasonable request. You are not saying that he can’t celebrate the importance of Christmas but meet you half way.
Many people don’t read MN posts correctly or latch onto one small part of a post altering the post and taking it in a different direction.

@Jellybellyqueen Most Churches do a kids service. Might this be a compromise that you ALL attend and he doesn't go Christmas Day? Although Tbf Christmas Day is awesome because Jesus was born and it's a BIG celebration!

She is not objecting to him attending church, it is to him attending church so often without any of his family. Not only that he is leaving everything up to her.

OP said she and the kids don’t want to go. Which stands to reason, if they don’t believe.

Twice within twelve hours!

Is that really the norm for practicing Christians?

My childhood best friend’s family went every single day of the week, time permitting. There were a lot of frequent fliers in my church, although friend’s family were perhaps very devout.

I don’t see MM and Christmas day service as being a big deal. Mainstream Christianity these days is quite relaxed in its worship requirements compared to some other faiths.

Personally OP what I would do if I were you would be to say
'hey this is your thing, and this is one of your big times of year. I get it. If you go to midnight mass, how about you do the wrapping another day darling and work out a way to keep it hidden. Then in return I will plan a lovely evening with film/food/kids/music/games on xmas eve. After you and I have put the kids to bed off you go. In the morning you can go to a family service with us all. One that isn't too boring. '
Or if you don't want to go, he can go with the kids alone while you have an hour to yourself.

Wrap day before Christmas eve, he put them out when back from church. Midnight mass is lovely and I enjoyed it as a child.

YABU - midnight mass AND Xmas day services are clearly important to him and understandably so. If you want more time with him then ask him not to attend on a random week during the year but not on one of the two biggest times of the Christian calendar! (I'm an atheist)

YABU and your negative attitude is probably one reason why the kids don't enjoy it. Expose them to both sides of their heritage with an open mind and positive attitude-whatever they do or don't come to believe as adults it will help them understand other people in the world. It is very unreasonable to marry a religious person (of any brand) and then moan about them living out their beliefs.

It's his hobby. Let him go. There's enough resentment on this forum already.

I compromise, wheres his compromise?
If you were prepared to compromise (or in other homes, be normal) and do wrapping at a different time then no doubt he would compromise and pitch in (and if he didn't then he'd be unreasonable). But you're insisting that the wrapping be done in a tiny window that collides with something important to him that cannot be moved.
Your only compromise seems to be not going to the services yourself (which seems to be your preferred option anyway) and keeping the kids home (which seems to be their preferred option and they don't need to go to MM anyway at their age). So that's not really a compromise is it?

Just wrap them early and hide them? Then when he's out crack open the Baileys and put your fave Christmas film on.

Jellybellyqueen

My DH is forces too, and it can make a difference to how you view regular ‘family’ time - if your partner is away for extended periods etc then it can change the dynamic of having your own separate leisure time, and so for that I think you are not unreasonable to ask your DH to choose one service (ie go to midnight mass and not Christmas Day service)

Your posts suggest an underlying resentment for DHs faith - this may well be that DH has found a way of dealing with his work/experiences through church, and the sting for you is it’s not you he is turning to, BUT, this isn’t about him not wanting to confide in you etc, it’s more about keeping home and work separate, if you think of it as if DH was attending a forces support group it could help you feel less pushed out?

(Or, that may not be relevant to your situation at all, so feel free to make of that what you will!)

It does sound like DH isn’t pulling his weight at home, it could be worth having a good chat to clear the air, and explain that you feel you are doing everything, and he needs to do more.

Midnight mass is supposed to fulfil the requirement to go on Christmas day too, so one or the other.

Frankly if my DH started believing in imaginary beings I’d have him committed.

I've had a little think..YANBU. You want to spend time as a family on Christmas Eve all coseyed up. Jesus would hate that you two were arguing over this! Offer him that you all go Christmas Day for him and the compromise would be you looking after the kids so he could participate in the service. Btw, I am a Christian (rubbish one!)

YABU and your negative attitude is probably one reason why the kids don't enjoy it. Expose them to both sides of their heritage with an open mind and positive attitude-whatever they do or don't come to believe as adults it will help them understand other people in the world. It is very unreasonable to marry a religious person (of any brand) and then moan about them living out their beliefs.

No, the children are bored because it is boring for them. And she didn't marry a religious person, this is something new for him. And she has said that she went with him to church before children, it is only since the children have been born that she has been forced to stay with them.

Wrapping on christmas eve is a nightmare! I did it once, the kids would not settle as they were too excited so it was really late when we started wrapping. Dh and I were coming down with a fluey thing and could really have done with going to bed when the kids did. Instead we were up until stupid o'clock and then we ran out of wrapping paper and had to scrabble about to find something to wrap with.

Never ever again!!

Now we have the bulk wrapped weeks in advance with maybe just some finishing touches to be done on xmas eve so we can relax and enjoy it.

YABU to wrap on Xmas eve and YABU about the midnight service, it's clearly important to him.