The worst complaint you have ever received

[planetclom]

I’ll start.
Someone complained they when they arrived early for an appointment I saw them early, they did not want to be seen early ...
Someone complained that I was only interested in box ticking and in the next sentence complained I spend to long trying to sort out their issue...

Work in the NHS if that is relevant, I suspect it is.

Haven't finished reading the thread.

I didn't realise there was a problem with 'no problem'. I work with English mother tongue customers for a French organisation in France. So no training in what phrases are appropriate/ inappropriate. I just go by how I'd expect to be spoken to.
So what is the correct way to respond over the phone to customer thanks? I usually say 'no problem'. I can't quite bring myself to say 'It's a pleasure'. I appreciate the thanks but in the end I'm just doing my job properly.

I've cancelled the cheque and recalibrated the machine! Aren't I good?

But did you ring 101 and get it logged, Duck?

the Klingon alarm clock didn't speak accurate Klingon

There is nothing worse Cake

@clearsommespace - I’m British and say no problem or no worries (Aussie speak) as it most likely hasn’t been a pleasure. If anyone calls me out, I tell them the truth - ‘my pleasure’ only applies to good people.

HollyWollyDooDah
You’re a GP or a community nurse?

I once visited a patient at home who was dizzy and apparently far too dizzy to come to the surgery. As I was leaving the house, she asked “can I drive?” After I’d picked my jaw off the floor, I said “if you’re too dizzy to come to the surgery, you’re definitely too dizzy to drive” to which she responded “I only want to go to Tesco”. Incidentally Tesco is twice as far from her house as the clinic which she’s apparently far too dizzy to possibly be able to get to.

Thanks raving
Was hoping for a neutral stock phrase. (Always thought no problem was neutral before this thread.)

When working in a call centre that arranged engineers to fix boilers a customer called in. Her boiler had been fixed but.... the engineer had asked to use her bathroom & had left a 'terrible smell' for which she wanted him disciplined! The poor guy had taken unwell & had gone home sick after that job. He said there was no air freshener in the bathroom but he's opened the window! He hadn't left any skid marks & he'd apologised to woman but still she called in to complain! I was gobsmacked 😲.
When working in a pub (I was very young) a guy much older used to come in every lunch time & letch. He repeatedly made me feel uncomfortable and asked me out. I declined and declined til one day I thought the only way to shut the creep up was to agree to meet him. We arranged a time & place. I had no intention of meeting this guy. The next day he rang my BOSS to complain I had stood him up!! My boss told him to stop being a dirty old man! What would a young girl want with a man older than her father!! He never spoke to me again. Brilliant 🖒

I once suffered a 45 minute deeply patronising phone complaint from a father of a young girl who was 'devastated' not to have received her reading certificate for reading 6 library books over the summer holidays. Apparently I'd let myself down, I'd let all the children down and most importantly I'd let the entire library service down.

The phone call was at 9.15am on Monday morning. The challenge had ended the previous Saturday, just two days earlier. We do not work on Sundays. I don't know how I was supposed to have printed 500 certificates and have presented them to 12 different schools in just 45 minutes of work.

Apparently I should have prioritised his DDs school as it was the private school - and therefore I guess I was supposed to see it as the most important local school. He wanted the phone number for the city librarian to complain about the way we had let ourselves down. I offered him the details for the Children's librarian who was in fact ultimately responsible for the entire project. That wasn't good enough, he wanted to take it all the way to the top.

He was going to complain to the councillor responsible for the cities libraries about me and my shameful behaviour.

I did not hear from the councillor.

All this over a certificate. That was presented within a couple of weeks.

I had a job once which involved going round door to door. Someone complained i rang their doorbell too loudly.

@clearsommespace I'd use "you're welcome" depending on context.

So... "thanks for doing that" - "you're welcome".

Can also be used in a pointed fashion if no thanks are forthcoming ie if holding a door open and you get no acknowledgement.

Oh, and the way you say it can be tailored. Horrible customer = short, clipped and grumpy with no facial expression.
Lovely customer = smile, expression and actual meaning.

No problem can be maddening. Talktalk cut off our wifi for a week - we both work from home so it was quite drastic. Repeatedly rang them and they lied and lied about when it would be fixed. Tomorrow. Next day. Tomorrow and so on. All the while we were paying their rates.

Staff repeatedly merrily kept saying "no problem" am afraid I did reply "it may not be a problem for you but it certainly is for me".

@millenialfalcon my partner is an actor and sometimes does role plays for vocational training. He was once accused, by a lecturer involved in assessment of the training, of turning up drunk for work. He was playing a character who was depressed and in pain. Apparently he was uncommunicative . they tried to explain about this thing called ‘acting’ they’d hired an actor to do but he was still suspicious....

Someone mentioned requiring teenagers to work in retail: I require all mine to do just that, based on my memories of working in a petrol station (decades ago, but some memories still make me shudder/laugh) and my current experience of volunteering in a charity shop. We sell donated clothes, so all different. Most customers know this, but the odd one will ask if we have the same garment in a different size, or colour. Some will try and haggle on the price.

I was also going to suggest 'you're welcome' clear it's a much better phrase, and as pp says can also be used when people ought to have thanked you and haven't.

Sandbrook, we had an American customer who wanted to know why they'd built Edinburgh castle so close to the train station...

The worst complaint we ever recieved made me lose my faith in humanity slightly.
I am a healthcare professional and we were looking after an elderly lady who unfortunately became very poorly very quickly.
It didn’t look as though she would make it through the next 48 hours so obviously we rang her family to inform them of this.
She managed to hang on for 13 days before she past away. In that time one of her children rang and was furious that she had not died in the 48 hours we had Initially said. Aparently they had told extended family and friends as well as the priest and it was ‘very embarrassing that she is not dead yet’.
Unbelievable

I work in an opticians and a lady once complained and asked for a full refund cause she saw differently in her glasses and she wanted to see the same as when she wasn't wearing them...😳

coldcanary I love reading the 1 star reviews of places that have a 4 star plus average on tripadvisor. Some of them are completely ridiculous. - like the ones that complain when a taxi doesn't turn up for them , and the hotel gets a one-star.

I don't hate 'no problem' as a response, except when there is actually a problem. Then it is irritating.

I used to work in a slightly posh supermarket.

A customer once complained that my accent was too common for the supermarket. I'm a Geordie, but was working at a supermarket down south whilst at uni. I was only 19 at the time and it did make me cry!

Another customer complained that I was on drugs?!?

My most favourite anecdote: my friend worked for a well known telephone company and a customer rang up to complain. Apparently the customer had previously rung up to complain and at that time had spoken to a colleague of my friend. His original complaint was that the free CD which had been sent to him was addressed to Mr Smith when it ought to have been addressed to Dr Smith. The colleague explained that it didn’t matter, it was just a freebie. The name on the envelope hadn’t been registered anywhere, it was literally just the name on the envelope and nothing more. Well Dr Smith was unhappy with this and got quite irate, insisting that another CD be posted to him, correctly addressed to Dr Smith. Much going back and forth about how it was just an envelope but he continued to insist on a new one!! So the colleague obliged. When Dr Smith rang to complain the second time, he was calling to say his new CD had arrived. Addressed to”Dr Cunt”!!!!! 😂

Ohohoh! I’m an editor. The client complained that the video was far too long, yet wouldn’t cut any content and even wanted to add more! Ok, I’ll just see if I can bend time to suite your desired video length

I once had a letter from a woman who had allegedly been bitten by a fish while paddling in the sea. She wished to claim against the local council because they were negligent in not erecting a sign in the sea to say fish bite.

I often act as an intermediary.
So:
"I still haven't heard back about xxxx"
"No problem, I see we're waiting to hear from X. I'll chase them and come back to you today." = annoying.

Later on
"I spoke to X and they said xxxx"
"OK. Thanks for helping with this issue"
"No problem" = not annoying.

Is that right?

Yes Schadenfreude, yes, I did! 😂