AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

[brasty]

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

I will never introduce a man to DS while he's still a child. If I ever decide I want a real relationship it will be after DS is grown.

Any heartbreak I've had have been when I've been in a conventional relationship. There's far more heartbreak to be had in marriages than fwb

I’m so confused.

Do you think LTRs/Marriagd make you immune to heartbreak?

It's not arrogant - I see people getting heartbroken all the time or worse

So which part of that is the sole reserve of FWB?

It's all about the man in question. My first husband, we did the whole romantic proposal (well he did obvs), having kids, career progression, blah blah....then I found out 17 years in, that he had been shagging anything with a pulse the entire time. It was devastating, to say the least. It would have been easy to never love again. But, I am so glad that I gave my now DH a chance, because he is an absolute diamond.

I wouldn't get heartbroken over a FWB leaving.

I'd get heartbroken if someone I had married and loved dearly left me, which also happens a lot. Being married doesn't "protect" you.

@huskylover1

I wasn't devastated by my marriage ending. My ex is a wonderful man who I still love dearly. He treated me well through the entire of our marriage and still does now as a co-parent.

I won't get married again and have no desire to do so.

I wouldn't be heartbroken either if my fwb ended.
Briefly annoyed, yes. He's a good fuck and I'd have to mess about finding another one.

I'd also miss the constant harassment for anal sex

One of the reasons why I'd quite like to find an additional fwb. Variety is the spice of life and all that!

Being married doesn't "protect" you.

I couldn't agree more. But there are so many men who think that a FWB arrangement buys them the right to not respect their partner.

I bet he says 'Yeah, I have got this bird on the side, she's a bit desperate, and a bit clingy, but if I fancy a blow-job, I just text her, and she's right there. I get out as fast as I can afterwards though; I don't wanna give her ideas that I want anything more than a fuck!'
Still relient on the notion that a woman cannot possibly desire and enjoy no strings sex and is always seeking a relationship.

FWB is a bit like shagging your neighbour or the milkman - it sounds really boring if I’m honest.
Only if you don't like no strings sex and the neighbour or milkman are crap in bed. The thing about FWB is, when it's all about the sex, it's easy to call an end to it if the sex is crap or boring. No-one is going to stay in a FWB arrangement if the sex wasn't really good.
I’m not convinced women come out on top
And how do you conclude that without compromising those feminist princplles of yours?
Why can't women just enjoy good no strings sex without other women telling them they are wrong?

I really do not think that women with high self esteem would get involved in something like this. It devalues sex.
I do value sex - I value good sex. Why the hell can women with high esteem not enjoy no strings sex?

It's funny how lots of fwb arrangements seem to involve the man asking for anal sex.
Have you seen the sex topic? There are loads of posts from women in relationships under pressure to try anal sex! Again, the whole point of FWB is that the woman gets good sex - if she didn't get good sex, she wouldn't be doing it.

Not tacky at all!!!
I have an amazing FWB... We have been best friends for 11 years now, and yes we are best friends who also fuck every now n then... we both have difficult family dynamics... i have eldery parent and teenagers, he has eldery very poorly parent.
It works for us us..
oh and before him, my previous FWB.. I went to his wedding, and am still friends with him and his wife, we stopped the WB when he married and are still friends :D

My Fwb's treated me with a HELL of a lot more respect - in and out of 'bed' than my husband ever did!

I agree it's unbelievably arrogant to presume how I or anyone else feels within such arrangements. I don't presume it would suit everyone nor that every ltr is unhappy.

The sex is fantastic and as for jealousy from fwb - quite the opposite, happy for me to see others.

Jesus what a load of twaddle!
Yall can accept boys who want to be girls and girls who want to be boys.
Men who love men, women who love women, men who love men who used to be girls and women who love women who used to be boys etc etc
but you can accept that sometimes women want a good hard fuck with no strings ???
can you accept that women are allowed to enjoy sex at least?
not everyone is the same not everyone wants sex in the bedroom at night with the lights off and a hasty shower afterwards,
some want the itch to be scratched without having to worry about getting his dinner made or washing his fucken socks,
its purely a fuck, often a good one and then he or she can fuck off about their day not having to worry if he/she needed a cuddle or not! and theres nothing wrong with that... men have been doing it for centuries

I couldn't agree more. But there are so many men who think that a FWB arrangement buys them the right to not respect their partner.

Yet every person with actual experience on this thread tells you otherwise. In just don't understand where you are getting your idea from.

There seems to be a bit of confusion a about what a fwb is. It is not a 'i thought we where getting married but it turns out he is just fucking me about' relationship. The entire point is that you go into it knowing it will not last and that you are ok with that. At the point at which someone is getting heartbroken it is no longer or probably never was a fwb situation. If you agree to an fwb when you want something else than that's your own damn silliness. How is this so hard to understand!

Friendship + sex does not equal love.

who think that a FWB arrangement buys them the right to not respect their partner

Lots of men in general don’t respect their partner this has absolutely nothing to do with whether they’re in a FWB situation or not.

I am (still) married and having plenty of fucking heartbreak, thanks.

I cannot wait to not be married any more and get him out of my life. And I won't be doing LTR again, not a chance.

I'm 53 (well I will be in a couple of days) and have never married, because I always prioritized stuff other than having a longterm monogamous relatonship with a man. Pretty much all my sex life for the last 30 years has been FWB/not exclusive/definitely not going to lead to marriage because I did not want (and still don't want) a committed relationship.
My DS' dad was FWB. He and I are still friends and co-parents, though we haven't had sex with each other since DS was concieved.

I'm really quite proud and glad about having managed to avoid commitment and marriage - especially when I read some of the threads on here from women stuck with horrible men. Keeping it casual and friendly is much better than desperation, clinging and getting lumbered.

If you agree to an fwb when you want something else than that's your own damn silliness

I think this says it all. But because SOME people don't get on well with a FWB "arrangement" (still waiting to hear more about that also...) doesn't mean that applies to all women.

Nor does it give free rein for people who are feeling threatened or insecure in their own relationships to start throwing around words like "tacky", "disgusting", "do you charge?", "whore", "bad mother".

I read an interesting article this morning. Apparently 46% of women report that their husbands cause them more stress than their children. Also when men get divorced, their health and well being tends to deteriorate, whereas the opposite is true for women.

And people still think that FWB is a bad situation for women?

ReanimatedSGB that’s great that it’s worked for you, but most people want a partner, someone to share life’s ups & downs with, someone to have a family with & grow old with. We all want somebody to love & to be loved ( well most of us do ) & when marriages work ( & plenty do! ) they are the best arrangement.
Prince Harry could have spent his entire life having F’s WB, but even he wants to get married, he doesn’t have to.
We all want that happy life with a partner who loves & cares about us, it doesn’t always work out, but it’s what most of us want. To want the opposite of that is fairly unusual - especially for women.

We all want that happy life with a partner who loves & cares about us,

Do "we"? Or do you?

And do you really, or is that what Disney told you?

To want the opposite of that is fairly unusual - especially for women

Nobody has said it isn't.

But that doesn't mean it's in anyway acceptable to be told you're deluding yourself, kidding yourself, you just haven't found the right man, "never say never".

It is still purveying the insidious message that a partnered state is what women should aspire to, and is in fact the correct state.

And other women ARE threatened by single women. They cast them in the role of jezebel.

How many (countless!) threads are there with women worried because their husbands are going away with work and there will be single female colleagues there; as though the female is predatory and the male has no agency and is a poor victim just ripe for the taking?

It is bullshit

Prince Harry could have spent his entire life having F’s WB, but even he wants to get married, he doesn’t have to.

Seriously?! What has this got to do with anything. Nobody is saying everyone should give up long term relationships. They are saying they don't work for everyone at all times and that it is perfectly reasonable to make a different choice. Harry could have got married years ago if he had really wanted, but he didn't. And you know what, who cares. It is his life and has no bearing on what anyone else should do with theirs.

When I had my last fwb I knew at some point I would want to have a longtime partner, but I didn't want one right at that moment. Other people might never want one and are far happier without ever having a longterm relationship. Others might always feel that having a commited relationship is always something they want in their life.

All of these things are fine. All of them are valid. None of them are tacky or dangerous or wrong Someone wanting something different to you is not a threat to you or your way of living.

We all want that happy life with a partner who loves & cares about us

No, we don't. How many more times do I need to say it? Apologies for slight grumpiness but every time I say what my preferred lifestyle choices are, someone comes along and more or less says that I'm not telling the truth. Why do you not believe me ?