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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

956 replies

brasty · 22/11/2017 17:46

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

OP posts:

surferjet · 27/11/2017 13:30

I’m not threatened by FWB, but my inner feminist comes out sometimes & I can’t help thinking these arrangements are very convenient for men. I’m not convinced women come out on top ( if you pardon the pun )

JacquesHammer · 27/11/2017 13:32

but my inner feminist comes out

Surely a woman wanting to - and taking control of their own sexuality is a pretty feminist stance?

HolyCreamola · 27/11/2017 13:34

Pahaha at being against this on feminist grounds.

Redglitter · 27/11/2017 13:34

surferjet How many times does it have to be said these are mutually agreed. If anything your inner feminist should be applauding the women for 'using' the men for sex. My FWB and I get the exact same from our arrangement.

Darlingsof · 27/11/2017 13:36

Women having sex for pleasure without being burdened with a 'bigger' relationship - how's that not convenient and not feminist? I had a regular FWB ( a woman) for years and years, we'd hook up when we were both in between relationships, and it was a lot of fun and also useful to have a plus one for those kind of events. Both married now so now we're down graded to "just' friends. It suited us at the time.

Trinity66 · 27/11/2017 13:36

I don't understand why people are getting so judgy and offended about it. What two consenting adults choose to do in their own time is their own business. I don't think it would be for me personally but each to their own

surferjet · 27/11/2017 13:44

Ok fair enough. It works for you.
It’s down to individual personalities though, because I know myself, & if I really liked him & wanted sex with him I’d probably love him. so I’d get massively hurt. If I didn’t really fancy him but was just having sex for the sake of it, I’d rather have a one night stand.
But we’re all different - & that’s good.

Graphista · 27/11/2017 13:52

"so you’d always have to be careful about sti’s. I think I’d rather just have a one night stand every now & again." Why on EARTH do you think sti risk less if shagging strangers on ons? I'm tested regularly, never had any sti in my life, always practise safer sex. Fwb also tested regularly.

FYI ANYONE having sex should be being careful - my time of greatest risk was when I was in what I thought was a monogamous marriage! That's the one time I was REALLY nervous about the results!

Re other sex partners - yes he does, so did others and I do too. So what?

For me it's hot casual sex with someone I'm not emotionally over invested in BUT who knows what I like, knows my body and we have a very good time together.

Holycreamola (fantastic username)

"Says majorly ranty and defensive person" Thank you and Trinity66 too

"Pahaha at being against this on feminist grounds."

"But bloody hell, there are some people on this thread who seem so threatened by the fact that other women do like no strings sex. Posts virtually pulsing with anger. So bizarre"

I can barely imagine the apoplexy if I were to go into real detail about what I do with my fwb and other sex partners

ConcreteUnderpants · 27/11/2017 14:10

AllThatJaz etc,

You really should read before you post. I never said he was the best thing since sliced bread at all! And I do have a real-life FWB, I promise!

I'm not sure why you are getting yourself so vexed about what other people want to do.

I also really don't understand why you have difficulty believing that 2 adults can simply have sex, enjoy it and that's it.

JacquesHammer · 27/11/2017 14:15

Just to help out

I am actually amused to read the posts by the women with FWBs who describe the relationship as a fun loving arrangement, with a gorgeous handsome man

Well I never said he was handsome. He's not. I think he's hot as hell through

who is their best friend yup. No risk.

who gets up and cooks breakfast for them

Neither of us are breakfast people but he makes good scones.

who they have long walks and long cosy chats in front of the fire with

Can't think of anything worse

and who 'fucks off home' when SHE wants them to go

Well yeah. Or I go to his and fuck off home.

That's the whole point

BitchQueen90 · 27/11/2017 14:22

Well, I'd post the messages from him but they're probably too explicit for MN.

Redglitter · 27/11/2017 14:28

and who 'fucks off home' when SHE wants them to go

That's a large part of the appeal quite honestly. He always comes to my house. We normally have a coffee afterwards and a chat and a catch up but there have been occasions where I've thought 'please go home'

Nelly1727 · 27/11/2017 14:47

Nothing tacky about it. Each to their own.

chestylarue52 · 27/11/2017 14:56

I just think its rude really.

I can't see the appeal for me in a traditional marriage, it goes against what I believe and what I want for my life, but I would never call anyone else a liar for saying they enjoy it, or question the existence of a loving husband, or question someones morals.

I'm happy for people who have that set up and enjoy it.

Frankly I'd think more of someone with a 100 different sexual partners on the go who was honest and kind and non judgemental than i do of posters who feel the need to come on and crow 'haaaaa you're all deluded losers'.

ConcreteUnderpants · 27/11/2017 15:05

Good balanced post, chesty A few posters could do with reading it.

Graphista · 27/11/2017 15:11

Well said chesty.

RoseWhiteTips · 27/11/2017 15:12

The long post from AllThatJaz was comprehensive. It was neither a sermon nor a rant.

MeMeMeMe123 · 27/11/2017 15:15

Am jealous bitch and graphista

Trying so hard to stay sane in this post-separation fug...It's difficult.
I wouldn't know where to start, but hats or other things off !!

Any of you in NI by any chance? I'm convinced this place is too small.....

SuzukiLi · 27/11/2017 15:16

me I'm in cornwall which is very small and I've managed it a few times

RoseWhiteTips · 27/11/2017 15:16

I really do not think that women with high self esteem would get involved in something like this. It devalues sex.

SuzukiLi · 27/11/2017 15:18

So what's the alternative?? I just never have sex again? 😂😂

chestylarue52 · 27/11/2017 15:19

@RoseWhiteTips

And what is the value of sex exactly? What you can get for it? Should I be with holding, because I'm not getting a diamond or a house or a car or half his pension even tho I buy those things for myself?

I don't see how having great sex with someone you like is a problem.

Coconutspongexo · 27/11/2017 15:22

I’m not sure how having sex with the same person regularly means you have self esteem issues, but there’s always wanna be psychologists on these threads anyway

HolyCreamola · 27/11/2017 15:26

For the love of God, are the neo-Victorians trying to project low self esteem onto people who have a fwb arrangement?

Redglitter · 27/11/2017 15:26

I really do not think that women with high self esteem would get involved in something like this. It devalues sex

Yet barely a few days go by without posts from women in marriages etc who have been forced or coerced into having sex with their partner. I would say that devalues sex a lot more than someone having an arrangement with a friend

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