AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

[brasty]

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

And then there's the happily married ones who find out their husband/partner is having an affair - no that doesn't devalue sex either. It's only devalued by FWB

I really do not think that women with high self esteem would get involved in something like this

Go on then pseudo-Freud. Do elaborate.

I have low self-esteem because I am settled as a single woman. I don't want or need to define myself as part of a relationship. I enjoy sex and so I have sex that requires no commitment and no giving of anything more than I want and that means I have low self esteem because...?

It devalues sex

Sex isn't a commodity. It isn't to be traded for anything. The ONLY value sex has is whatever a consenting individual places on it.

"I really do not think that women with high self esteem would get involved in something like this. It devalues sex"

So would it be fair to say you see yourself as a kind of prostitute then?
Exchanging sex for a meal out, or exchanging sex for a roof over your head (if you dont work)?

I do think one would have to be extremely slow witted to insist that because something did not appeal to you it therefore cannot appeal to anyone else, even if they claim otherwise.

I'm not into BDSM but plenty of people are. Do I twist myself in knots trying to insist that they're morally lacking to enjoy this particular type of sex? No I do not. Good luck to them I say.

Sex lives as with all spheres of daily life come in a million different permutations and combinations. It would be a very vanilla world otherwise.

Vanilla has very positive connotations.

@RoseWhiteTips

Maybe for you, and that is fine. But not for everyone.

Why are you SO arrogant that you assume that your way is the only acceptable way.

Rose are you aware vanilla means boring?

Well then stick with your vanilla slice and let other people sample the other flavours. It's not that difficult.

Maybe for you, and that is fine. But not for everyone

Exactly and some posters in here might want to use that when they hear that FWB is a mutually satisfying arrangement instead of being so fucking rude to those of us in that situation

It's funny how lots of fwb arrangements seem to involve the man asking for anal sex.

In fact if we're discussing self-esteem I could argue that those posters who are being insulting, obtuse and very derogatory over other people's life choices are text book in their low self-esteem because they need to try and make themselves feel better by rubbishing others

I missed this thread when it started and am reading it open mouthed. So much judging! It’s so depressing.

cream

It was actually me that asked for anal sex 🙋🏻

@Creambun2

It's funny how lots of fwb arrangements seem to involve the man asking for anal sex

Do they? How do you know this?

Oh and no I don't have anal sex with my FWB although my ex husband liked it

It's funny how lots of fwb arrangements seem to involve the man asking for anal sex

In 33 pages of posts I haven't seen one person mention this. Where do you get the 'lots' from. Apparently a lot of marriages and LTR involve the man asking for anal sex too

It's funny how lots of posters who think FWB is tacky and profess to have never done it, know so much about it

Creambun do you like making things up to suit your narrative?

One person hasn’t mentioned anal
And she asked for it....

He may have a million other FWB as well.
As long as you use condoms I guess.

He may have a million other FWB as well.
As long as you use condoms I guess

Yes because being married is a guarantee he's not shagging anyone else isn't it.

In actual fact FWB are more likely to be honest about other partners because it's not going to impact on your arrangement

I’m married and have anal sex (with my DH). What does that say about my self esteem? Just curious...

Sheesh heaven forfend women might enjoy sex and want to have it safely and on their own terms!

'but he might be lying to you, and he might say bad things about you to his friends, and he might not respect you, and he might blah blah blah'

Well yes we can say that of all our friends and family members and husbands and partners. The most you can do in any situation is judge someones character based on their behaviour and hope for the best.

He may have a million other FWB as well.

He'd need something soothing for his poor old todger if he's giving it to a million other women.

Didn’t realise all married men stay completley loyal to their wives, must be an awful lot of liars not the relationship board

The problem with FWB is that

Women and women have different physiological reactions to sex - for men the hormone released during sex makes them back off. Women have the opposite problem and will tend to feel more bonded.

A lot of women go into a FWB situation hoping it will become more.

Men often feel it buys them a license to treat the other person like crap.

I say this as someone who has had a lot of casual partners.

*Today 15:45 Creambun2

It's funny how lots of fwb arrangements seem to involve the man asking for anal sex.*

Lol

And you know this astonishingly intimate factoid how?

And of course anal sex is just a 'man' thing, no women has ever enjoyed it or asked for it.