AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

[brasty]

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

Nancy I just think you've got the wrong end of the stick. A FWB arrangement is often what suits at that time. It can be for a variety of reasons ... in my case, I'd come out of a LTR in my 20s and didn't want to commit again for a while. For others, they are out of a marriage and just do not want to settle down again.

It's not one or the other - a FWB or a marriage. It is circumstances and what is right for a few years, that doesn't mean to say all those who have a FWB never ever want to settle down again necessarily, lives change, children grow up, circumstances alter. In my case I felt able to be open to a relationship after a couple of years of not, I met my DH and 3 decades later here we are. So I am in a happy marriage and I've had a FWB. No criticism of happy marriage here but no criticism of a FWB either.

I haven't got time for this thread, apparently I have hundreds of thankyou letters to write .

Hundreds

Birds

I'm looking for a suitable notelet to handcraft a thank you letter to mine, I'm a well brung up gal and have always done me thank you letters [angel]

@Birds

I'm still searching for the perfect thank you note. Some kind of nice border. Maybe some condom bunting printed around the edge

There’s a niche in the market for thanks for the shag cards.

I’m picturing a cartoon vampire emerging from between a pair of legs, with the words, ‘Fangs for the Foreplay’, on the front, then inside an open coffin exploding with fireworks and Marvel style POW lettering, with the caption, ‘You really popped my lid!’

I’m working on others; gonna pitch to M&S when they’re done.

I just think a proper relationship is better suit yourself I’d rather have an improper shag

So to summarise, FwB is not tacky, as it is not a moral category. People who suggest that engaging in a casual sex or sex outside a LTR is immoral, raise an eyebrow or two

However, it can only work when both parties know their mind and are honest and upfront about it. If somebody can handle casual sex and not let it destroy them mentally or physically or impact on them, casual sex will be GREAT for them.

In cases where you know yourself well enough to realise casual sex or FwB will affect you, then have the sense not to go there. Don’t judge those who can handle it as less morally sturdy, nothing to do with morality and everything to do with psychological ‘toughness’.

I can see why people prefer FwB in their situation, but it is not something I will ever be interested in. But that’s fine. There is no right or wrong, only what is right or wrong for YOU.

I meant the number of times rather than the number of men bratsy . I assume you have to send one after each shag I am still a bit vague on the etiquette.

birdsdestiny If you do work out the etiquette do let me know. If we have so send a card every time should we also get a card everytime. Surely this can't be good for the environment 🤔

Its just a minefield really

Ecards are the ecological friend of the frequent shagger.

Shockers you're a genius!!

Now I can continue shagging (oops wonder how many pearl clutchers that'll offend) and not hurt the trees

I've always maintained that if dh predeceases me, I will have a friend with benefits. I wouldn't want to have to break in another husband, but someone clear the gutters and keep my feet warm in bed would he good.

I've always maintained that if dh predeceases me, I will have a friend with benefits.

This absolutely, and I'd say the same to him. If you've been married and have kids and don't want/can't have any more kids then a FWB situation is the best for you and the kids (who don't have to deal with a step parent living in the house). If you remarry after being widowed you risk your children's inheritance being eroded at best. Far better in that situation to have a 'gentleman friend' that meets your sexual needs but doesn't impact on your children.

If DH were to pop his clogs, or take up with someone else (both of which would obviously be a dreadful turn of events), I’d like a gentleman friend to go for walks and dinner in country pubs with.

Then I’d leave him at the front door with a big hug.

I like big hugs, walks and food... I’m not especially fussed about shagging these days, but I reckon that’s something to do with the feckin’ menopause .

Everyone likes sex but a proper relationship where you are in love is far superior

And that's a fact is it? Because you say so???

There is no f**king way on this earth that being in love within a 'proper' relationship would suit me. But if it's good for you, knock yourself out

I find it is upper middle class women in their late 30s to mid 40s who want this sort of arrangement.

I'm a working class 50 something: just for your stats

I don't think there is anyone that actually thinks just sex is better than love AND sex

There is. Me. And countless others I should think. We keep telling you this Nancy91 but you seem to have an enviable ability to stick your fingers in your ears and pretend that you can't hear

@Danitruth

Shocking post and a completely unnecessary attack on another poster. Strongly suggest you read what you've written and apologise [angry}

Bloody hell! Since when is a woman enjoying consensual sex with somebody they are friends with comparable with being a whore?!? Judgemental much Danitruth

And as for kids not needing dads you have no idea what parenting arrangements other women gave with their XP’s!!

How about you worry about your own sex life and mind your own fucking business about anybody else’s

Stevie69 it is a fact to most, it's just human nature and a predisposition that we are born with to find love.
Whatever happens along the way to some like you that messes up your capacity for attachment, love and romance is sad, but you have to accept that having a phobia/rejection of relationships is dysfunctional.
Being angry about someone proclaiming that a loving relationship is ACTUALLY amazing isn't the way forward.

And I also take exception to the implication that I'm a whore. You are incredibly unpleasant.

JacquesHammer no wonder you are divorced, you still seem bitter about a lot of things, and assume that relationships will fail

I'm not bitter at all. Divorce was absolutely the right thing for all three of us.

So a fuck buddy is fine as long as it's all hidden and secret from your little daughter? Wow! just wow.

Erm, well yeah. I want sex, I'm not interested in a relationship ergo she doesn't need to be involved.

Just shocking at how many posters with kids are so committed to convincing themselves that basically being a whore is OK and a conscious choice.

I'd rather be a whore than a cunt to be honest

See the actual truth is @danitruth (ironic username) is clearly insecure in her own relationship and feels threatened there are women out there who might be enjoying life more than she is.

Poor lamb.