Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

956 replies

brasty · 22/11/2017 17:46

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

OP posts:
ThymeLord · 23/11/2017 14:07

I am struggling to believe the posters saying they would not care if their fuck-buddy was done with them. They are kidding themselves IMO

That's incredibly patronising of you. Numerous people have told you that this isn't the case for them but you decide to just ignore that and tell them they are kidding themselves just because of how you would feel.

GameOldBirdz · 23/11/2017 14:08

mustbemad Whaaat?

I'm dipping in and out of the "We don't want to look like bastards but don't want our niece here over Xmas" thread in Chat and that's taking all sorts of twists and turns.. I can't cope if this one does the same!

mustbemad17 · 23/11/2017 14:09

Way I see it, as long as you aren't fucking my OH (i'd kill you both), I personally don't care whether you are in a real relationship, a FwB, swing, visit a brothel or just give yourself a seeing to. Never understood why other people's sex lives matter so much

expatinscotland · 23/11/2017 14:09

' I am struggling to believe the posters saying they would not care if their fuck-buddy was done with them. They are kidding themselves IMO'

Struggle all you want. When I had FWB, I had other people, too. It was not an exclusive sexual relationship. If they wanted to not have sex anymore, then I found someone else to fill the void. It's never had to find someone to have sex with.

mustbemad17 · 23/11/2017 14:10

Game that thread got good!! Lots of mythological matters going on....i hope you join the bandwagon 😃

Jilly12345 · 23/11/2017 14:11

No matter what anyone says, I am still entitled to say I struggle to believe people. who say they would be OK if their fuck-buddy was done with them.

My opinions don't suit your ears? I am not going to change them.

Roussette · 23/11/2017 14:12

Agreed. I've said differently and I've known mine for decades! So less of the sweeping generalisations! Grin

Roussette · 23/11/2017 14:14

But Jilly my experience proves it was all hunky dory when we drifted apart so what can't you believe about that?

I wasn't hankering after him, I wasn't bereft, nor was he. We look back on those times as a bit of a laugh and an arrangement that really suited both of us at the time.

GameOldBirdz · 23/11/2017 14:15

Jilly

But you're talking about people who you don't think "would be okay". We're telling you that this has happened to us in the past and we were okay.

I guess it's not worth arguing with you though. I'm telling you I was completely fine when FWB broke it off. You don't believe I was. I know I was and I'm telling you I was. You don't believe I was... ad infinitum....

mustbemad17 · 23/11/2017 14:16

That's fine...but then don't look down patronisingly on others with different opinions. It's a two way street!!!

mustbemad17 · 23/11/2017 14:17

My FwB ended, i didn't break down in tears like i would a relationship. I went & found another!!! Still had an itch to scratch

Coconutspongexo · 23/11/2017 14:17

Why are you struggling to believe it though if people are telling you themselves after experiencing it? Hmm why would they lie about something so pointless

mustbemad17 · 23/11/2017 14:20

We must be lying to ourselves Dippers

RoseWhiteTips · 23/11/2017 14:22

ThymeLord

I am struggling to believe the posters saying they would not care if their fuck-buddy was done with them. They are kidding themselves IMO

That's incredibly patronising of you. Numerous people have told you that this isn't the case for them but you decide to just ignore that and tell them they are kidding themselves just because of how you would feel.

I think ThymeLord’s point is pertinent.

Women, in particular, are more inclined to get emotionally involved with someone they are having sex with on a regular basis - the regular “arrangement” idea. Some posters on the thread have even said the FWB became their husband.

Women who think they can maintain an emotional distance are trying to fool themselves - and I care not how many of them claim otherwise.

stevie69 · 23/11/2017 14:24

Coupley things are only when you settle down i.e, going to Sainsburys, etc. They are pretty boring things that you wouldn't do otherwise.

Actually, I'm changed my mind on the whole matter. I'm now actively looking for a 'significant other' so that I too can go to Sainsburys. I walk past it sadly every evening and would love to go in ......

Honestly, we singletons do have to do the boring stuff too; in between madly f**king our FWBs of course Wink

JustWonderingZ · 23/11/2017 14:24

Chestylarue, as I see it you are happy to put yourself in a potentially emotionally vulnerable situation then. Or you are hardy enough to say sod all this soppy stuff.

I can’t be dealing with the headfuck even if I were to get some amazing sex. Funny that some people will see marriage or exclusivity as a massive potential headfuck if things were to go wrong and can’t be arsed with that. I can see their way of thinking, too. As I view it, yes, husbands walk out, too. But at least you know you were THE most important person for him at some point. Not a compartment in his life to do away with dispassionately when it stops being convenient.

Shizzler · 23/11/2017 14:25

Women who think they can maintain an emotional distance are trying to fool themselves - and I care not how many of them claim otherwise.

I presume that's the equivalent of closing your eyes and sticking your fingers in your ears so you don't have hear something you disagree with?

Bless.

RoseWhiteTips · 23/11/2017 14:26

Thing is you can’t really fool yourself.

mustbemad17 · 23/11/2017 14:26

Up until recently i did better with not giving a stuff emotionally about someone. Oh god, am i an alien 😱

VioletHaze · 23/11/2017 14:26

Women who think they can maintain an emotional distance are trying to fool themselves - and I care not how many of them claim otherwise.

Awesome! In that case, since we now get to win the argument by simply stating that the other side are deluded to not agree with me, I declare that you are a duck. You are deluded if you think you're not! That's how this works, right?

RoseWhiteTips · 23/11/2017 14:26

Unless you can somehow perform the astonishing feat of detaching your brain from your mind. Good luck with that. Lol

Shizzler · 23/11/2017 14:29

You'd have to be incredibly dim to make a sweeping generalisation that all women become emotionally involved with someone they have sex with.

Lol.

stevie69 · 23/11/2017 14:31

No matter what anyone says, I am still entitled to say I struggle to believe people. who say they would be OK if their fuck-buddy was done with them

My opinions don't suit your ears? I am not going to change them

It's our truth; it's not really something that you can form an opinion on, is it? If I say I'm fine then .... you really have to accept that I'm fine Blush

ThymeLord · 23/11/2017 14:31

'Scuse me? My point wasn't pertinent at all. I think it's utter bollocks that women, that great homogeneous mass women Hmm are told that we can't separate love from sex. I can. Many people on this thread have said they can and have. It's fucking RUDE to keep insisting that we don't know our own minds and are kidding ourselves.

berliozwooler · 23/11/2017 14:32

But surely women are just all looking for Mr Right to come along and sweep them off their feet? They aren't supposed to be fooling around with Mr Wrong, the hussies.

Some day my prince will come...