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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be annoyed if a class mate told your 7 year old that Father Christmas didn't exist?

143 replies

nickEcave · 22/11/2017 16:16

My daughter is 7 1/2 (Year 3). She is right on the cusp of not believing in Father Christmas any longer. Her older sister (10) knows that we fill up the stockings and I have no problem with my younger DD no longer believing. My problem is that if we confirm that Father Christmas isn't real then she will immediately tell her class-mates. (She will do this even if we ask her not to as she is extremely impulsive) We moved to a new school relatively recently which is much more MC than her last school and lots of her friends parents are a bit PFB about their kids. Most of her friendship group don't have older siblings so she is already perceived as a bit more "sophisticated" (in a bad way!) by the parents. In my shoes would you keep "Father Christmas" going another year for the sake of giving her class-mates another year of innocent wonder?

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 22/11/2017 17:03

Some 7 year olds will swear Santa is real (and they've seen him).

I recall having a pitched battle with my best friend at the age of seven about who had the best mummy in the world. Each of us were equally adamant that my/her mummy was the very best and would give no ground.

I finally put her in her place by stating that I knew mine's was the best mummy in the world because God came down and told me so.

She was suitably humbled. (we came from RC backgrounds).

TinselTwins · 22/11/2017 17:03

No. I raise my kids to understand that different people believe different things.

Ebb · 22/11/2017 17:06

I was brought up not believing in Father Christmas. I told most of the kids in my class quite early on that he didn't exist. None of them believed me!

nooka · 22/11/2017 17:07

My children have never believed so I would have been completely unbothered if they had an unbelieving friend at school. Seems a bit unlikely that all of her classmates are believers unless the school is a bit mono cultural (no Moslem, Jewish, fundamental Christian or JW families?)

Given that your dd is new to the school and impulsive I'd take one of the not actively telling the truth approaches like 'what do you believe' as if she does stop believing and says things at school and it causes ructions she may lose friendships.

WaxyBean · 22/11/2017 17:07

Interesting thread - I'm having to deal with a 5yo who doesn't believe and is liable to tell his friends...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/11/2017 17:08

I wouldn't be happy about it, no.
If she can't keep it to herself, then don't tell her this side of Christmas.

MissWilmottsGhost · 22/11/2017 17:09

I'd be very surprised if DD still believes in Santa at that age. She's already pretty sceptical at 5, and I'm not at all surprised. She helps us choose and wrap presents for other people at Christmas and birthdays, I'm not sure why she would think a magic man in a red suit bought hers

ItWentInMyEye · 22/11/2017 17:11

Some classmates told my DD same age (7) that santa isn't real and it made me really angry! Her older brother is almost 10 and still believes so for her to be the first to question it was a bit of a shock.

Hillarious · 22/11/2017 17:11

You have to be careful what you tell your children about Father Christmas in the first place!

My DC all still "believe" as much as they ever did and they're 20, 19 and 17.

Anyone who tells their children that Father Christmas magically makes all the gifts appear that they get at Christmas free of charge, no input from any of the family, is plain bonkers.

Marcine · 22/11/2017 17:11

My Year 3 child's classmates have been discussing the realness (or otherwise) of Santa a lot recently.

No sensible parent is going to try to control what 7 year olds talk to each other about. They aren't little children anymore, you'd expect they'd start to wonder/work it out at this age!

Some parents do get overly invested in Father Christmas though, and use all kinds of lies and threats to keep it going.

happymumof4crazykids · 22/11/2017 17:14

I’ve only just told my 11 year old santa isn’t real I would be have been gutted if he hadn’t believed at 7

Marcine · 22/11/2017 17:15

I'm struggling to understand adults getting angry or pissed off about 7 year olds talking about something that is true. Its supposed to be a harmless tradition, a bit of fun!

jay95 · 22/11/2017 17:18

No.
I like SecretSmellies' idea, you could give that a try to protect the believers.
But if your daughter is ready to know the grisly truth, so be it.

TinselTwins · 22/11/2017 17:20

Why would you set up a tradition that is so easily "ruined" by other people not doing/believing the same? That's just stupid and bad parenting if you've set it up so that hearing otherwise will be upsetting

We LOVE Santa in our house, it has however never been dependant on full belief and the rest of the world playing along. If yours is, you're doing it wrong and YOU are the cause of any resulting upset & disappointment

Eolian · 22/11/2017 17:23

I'd be annoyed if an adult told my 7 y.o. that Father Christmas didn't exist, because it would be a stupid and interfering thing to do, whatever the adult's opinion about the rights and wrongs of it.
However, expecting 7 year-olds to keep the secret from each other once they find out is bloody ridiculous! Of course they won't!

Allthecurrentybuns · 22/11/2017 17:30

I'd be annoyed lol not to th point of saying something to th parent tho! But (each to their own) 7 is still little and I hope to extend the magic and mystery for as long as possible.. Dnt tell her if u Know she'd destroy Xmas forever for her pals!

paxillin · 22/11/2017 17:31

I'd say there is no issue, since there are probably several children believing in various Gods (or not) in class. If you look around on MN, you will find a lot of end-of-the-magic tears among parents whose kids have found out, so I'm not sure if it really wouldn't count against her.

TinselTwins · 22/11/2017 17:37

Dnt tell her if u Know she'd destroy Xmas forever for her pals!

If some idiot parents have set up their family traditions in such a way that Christmas is "destroyed" once an outsider says they believe something different, then any resulting upset is cause by the idiot parents, not whoever said they don't believe in Santa

You obviously didn't think things through if your personal version of Christmas is set up so that it's going to crumble and crash in tears and devistation if the rest of the world don't play along...

Original poster

nickEcave · 22/11/2017 17:56

This wasn't an issue when my older DD was the same age as they were at a mite diverse school with lots of Muslim children. I never explicitly told DD1 that Santa wasn't real but given that he didn't visit half her class mates it wasn't hard for her to figure out! New school is C of E and a lot more Middle Class

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cookingongas · 22/11/2017 17:59

Bit harsh tinsel.

No I wouldn’t be upset, but agree with other pps- mid November is not the time. Be considerate of other families, whose children don’t know or who have the wherewithal to take the loss of Father Christmas on the chin.

My dh was told at 6 and it ruined years of Christmas for him. He’s asd. When his idiot parents started Santa they didn’t know that. They didn’t realise that he would see the world so black and white , in his autistic way. His idiot parents were gearing up to tell him in a gentle way, but not so young as he struggled enough in life, with no friends and bullied.
I suppose it’s his idiot parents fault for not foreseeing it before he learnt on the school yard. He still talks about the revelation with a tinge if anger. He felt betrayed and lied to by the world. Mocked and confused. But his parents, yeah , what idiots

sinceyouask · 22/11/2017 18:04

No.

DS1 is 11 and started secondary school in September. One of the things I had to do over the summer holidays was explain to him that Father Christmas was not real. I really, really wish we had told him some time before that.

TinselTwins · 22/11/2017 18:05

They didn't foresee that their DS might meet someone who doesnt hold the same beliefs? Then yeah they're not very bright if the whole set up was dependant on everyone keeping up the same story!

Santa is great fun, there's no need to set it up so that the magic or fun is "ruined" it "destroyed" the second the truth is out!

If you set it up that way then any/all resulting upset is firmly in your shoulders, not anyone else's.

DailyMailBestForBums · 22/11/2017 18:05

A parent rang the school last year to complain that my DD had told another child that FC was just her parents. Teacher called DH to tell him. DD was 9. I couldn't bring myself to care, and did not even discuss it with her, TBH.

WhatwouldAryado · 22/11/2017 18:07

No. Children are going to encounter the real world when they go to school. I couldn't get upset about another child telling them something true.

Original poster

nickEcave · 22/11/2017 18:08

Ah that is exactly what I am afraid of! There are definitely parents at the school who would do that.

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