Would you be annoyed if a class mate told your 7 year old that Father Christmas didn't exist?

[nickEcave]

My daughter is 7 1/2 (Year 3). She is right on the cusp of not believing in Father Christmas any longer. Her older sister (10) knows that we fill up the stockings and I have no problem with my younger DD no longer believing. My problem is that if we confirm that Father Christmas isn't real then she will immediately tell her class-mates. (She will do this even if we ask her not to as she is extremely impulsive) We moved to a new school relatively recently which is much more MC than her last school and lots of her friends parents are a bit PFB about their kids. Most of her friendship group don't have older siblings so she is already perceived as a bit more "sophisticated" (in a bad way!) by the parents. In my shoes would you keep "Father Christmas" going another year for the sake of giving her class-mates another year of innocent wonder?

[Rebeccaslicker]

I was seven when my best friend told me.

It's going to happen. 7 is about average I think!

[TinselTwins]

Even if your kid never mixes with other cultures/religions, you have to realise that even amongst families that DO do santa, everyone does it differently (wrapped/unwrapped, long lists/one request, all gifts from santa/separate Santa lists, elfs watching/no elf)
So you 'd have to be really dim to assume that the world will play along with YOUR version of santa, and even thicker to make having a happy Christmas dependant on it!

[AuntLydia]

If a kid is inclined to believe and really truly does believe then it doesn't matter who tries to tell them Santa isn't real - they won't believe it. It is utterly ridiculous of parents to get upset about this shit. You can't expect all other parents to raise their children the same way as yours in order to avoid upset, and the sooner people get used to that fact the better.

[cookingongas]

But , whilst I appreciate it’s not all children, children with asd or other difficulties react and see the world differently - even though as parents you’ve presented it as “fun and light hearted “ that child may not have understood the nuances there. Dhs parents didn’t set up their version as the only version or expect people to lie. They set it up the same as all other parents. Frivolous fun and magic. What they didn’t expect was that their son would take it so very very literally, and react the way he did. They didn’t know he would react that way- they assumed he would react as all the other children would - as they didn’t at that time know he wasn’t “normal”. That scenario isn’t unheard of and of course whilst they will find out- and in all likelihood on the playground- in my option if you KNOW your child will blab- then the time to tell them is not 35 days from Christmas is it?

[ForagingForFaerieGold]

Father Christmas isn't real????
That's Christmas ruined then. Bah.

Think I was actually about 9 when I realised. No one told me, or if they did, it went in one ear and out the other. I think most kids are like this. I wouldn't tell her though. Not if you think it'll cause trouble. She's still pretty young.

[Humpsfor20yards]

I've always just said people believe different things...
The idea that Christmas is ruined without believing in fc is a new one to me.

[SilverSpot]

No.

You just say "oh that's a bit silly of isn't it? Father Christmas only comes to children that believe in him. Of course he'll still be coming here won't be my lovely?!?"

[nooka]

The OP says she thinks her dd no longer believes and is likely to ask for confirmation that Father Christmas is not literally true, not that she's planning on sitting down and giving her the 'Santa chat'. Personally I do wonder why a NT older than 8 or so would ever need this type of conversation, surely it's pretty obvious that Santa is make believe, so any chats are likely to be more about trying to persuade your child to believe/go on believing?

Anyway it seems to me that the OP can switch to not actively supporting Santa belief so that there is no moment of revelation and then her dd isn't likely to do more than say 'I don't believe' or 'I think it's your parents' neither of which should cause a believing child too much angst.

[demirose87]

I'd say this is how most kids find out its all not real and is around the age that that would naturally not believe anyway, so no I wouldn't be annoyed.

[DO3271]

Wow. I'm stupid and a bad parent for encouraging a Santa belief. And there was me thinking it was because I let my 6 year old poke knives into plug sockets.

[Marcine]

I do agree its a bit silly to make the Santa belief so important that if another family does Christmas differently or has different beliefs it threatens to destroy your child's Christmas!

[Mamabear4180]

I wouldn't be telling her that Santa doesn't exist so it would never be an issue for me. Of course she might just not believe it and tell them so but when they come out with 'my mum told me' that does make others doubt too.

Do you know what this probably sounds ridiculous to some of you but I'm genuinely planning to home ed for primary school and this is part of the reason. I don't want my DC to know too much, stop believing and become so grown up before they need to. Not just Santa but kids definitely are exposed to so much real life adult stuff and negative media, body image etc etc these days and grow up way too fast imo.

[Only1scoop]

I’d be annoyed

My dd same is same age

[mumisnotmyname]

My DC are just turned 9, my dd has started discussions about this, I've just been vague and said maybe like god some people believe and some don't. I think she knows but we aren't going there. My ds hasn't raised it at all, he isn't thinking about it at all. The whole family have stockings only and will do after the absolute belief is gone.

[Ontopofthesunset]

But isn't that how people find out about Father Christmas - from siblings, at school, from friends, just the way you found out about sex and babies? Whispered conversations about whether it was true etc. I don't remember exactly when I stopped believing in Father Christmas but it was certainly earlyish primary school. I had an older sibling and so did lots of my friends. Keeping the belief going wasn't the big thing it seems to be now.

I was relieved when my children started asking me about it and, while we certainly did the Father Christmas story, I never lied to a direct question. My pragmatic atheist younger son stopped believing much earlier than my imaginative agnostic older son.

[AuntLydia]

Stopping believing in santa is not at all about growing up too fast. It's about the kind of child they are. My eldest has an amazing imagination and isn't the most questioning of kids. She only stopped believing at the end of primary. Her younger, much more logical brother who likes to know how everything works was questioning it from around the age of 5 despite his older sister still believing. He wasn't and isn't some kind of street wise precocious kid surrounded by malign influences any more than his sister was/is.

I have always personally thought the downside of home ed would be the lack of input from lots of different sources. The most well rounded kids I know are the ones who have been exposed to a wide range of people of different beliefs and backgrounds. We shouldn't be attempting to raise our kids in some kind of vacuum where only our beliefs and opinions are heard imo.

[Goldfishshoals]

As someone who was bought up with Father Christmas being like fairies, or unicorns or the Easter Bunny (i.e. 'make believe', I was never told it was literally true, so never a big 'stop believing' moment). I always find these threads fascinating.

Grown adults ragingly angry at small children for innocently talking. Parents threatening their kids with a loss of gifts of they don't pretend to believe.

It's just all so lovely and magical...

[Madonnasmum]

I think it should be expected once they hit Juniors and start mixing with the older kids.
I'd be a bit sad inside that the game was up, but not annoyed.

[Hillarious]

I think I was too rational as a child to believe that someone could deliver that many presents to that many people around the world in one night. Also, we didn't have a chimney. This has most likely coloured my approach to Father Christmas and my kids. We go through the motions even now of putting out a mince pie and a drink for him, and my kids are sixth form age and above.

What I do insist on is not putting any presents under the tree until everyone's in bed on Christmas Eve . . . which is getting later and later the older they've got. This is our tradition and it ensures a feeling of magic when they wake up in the morning and see what's under the tree.

I find myself agreeing with TinselTwins, however harsh the comments may seem. Parent who produce firm believers who think Father Christmas does everything are just being set up by them to being disappointed.

It sounds like the OP's DD is going to upset other children anyway - now, after Christmas or next Christmas, and it sounds like there's not a lot she can do about it.

[Anniegetyourgun]

After the age of about 5 surely most children are quite able to tell the difference between fact and fantasy while still enjoying the fantasy?

I thought the suggestion on the first page of telling their children that FC won't come unless they properly believe is a bit worrying. It's a threat, basically. Go along with the story or you'll miss out. So even if in their heart of hearts they know it can't be true, they have to go along with it so parents will keep the presents coming. I know that's not the way it was meant but that's how I would see it playing out.

When mine got to question it I told them that FC is the spirit of giving. We do the Christmas stocking as well as exchanging presents in honour of St Nicholas who gave this wonderful example (you don't have to believe in saints, he was in real history!). We carried on doing the stocking thing until they felt they didn't need it any more. They're all adults now but still love magic and fantasy and Christmas. There's just more booze in it than there was when they were small.

[bridgetreilly]

No, I wouldn't be annoyed because
(a) he doesn't exist
(b) the other kid is also 7
(c) it's really important that children grow up
(d) Christmas really can still be fun without believing Father Christmas is real.

[Mrscog]

I would be a bit sad if that caused them to definitely not believe, but I wouldn't complain to school! My DS is 5.5, and I'm hoping for at least this Christmas and next Christmas to have 'full magic'.

At 7 I would try and keep it going for this year, especially this close to Christmas.

[Anniegetyourgun]

It's just been pointed out to me that 5 is far too prescriptive. As someone said upthread, it depends greatly on the child's personality. But going to secondary school with a firmly held belief in a lovely but simply unsustainable fairy tale is a recipe for an embarrassing come-down at best.

[Natsku]

DD is almost 7 and it definitely wouldn't bother me if a classmate told her he's not real (I doubt she'd believe them, she doesn't believe me when I hint that he's not!) but some parents definitely would be bothered by it. One of my brothers told all his classmates and my mum had a whole series of irate parents having a go at her!

[Juicyfruitloop]

Yes I would be disappointed if another child told mine at that age. I'd want at least another year. Beside it ruins the fun for a lot of children so yes it would bother me. I know I couldn't control another child beliefs but mine would be very upset at 7.5 yes old.