Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

Why would your sister deny her own father the pleasure of watching his grandson open his Christmas present from him? It is selfish. Quite honestly I doubt if a three year old would care who brought the gift, so why does it matter if it isn't from Father Christmas?

I think your sister is being unreasonable

BUT tears is a massive overreaction (and a bit manipulative?). I’m wondering just how over the top last year’s gift-giving was? Maybe the reason she is being a bit controlling is because your dad is liable to be a bit out of control.

Can you just confirm that your dad normally gives one or two presents at Christmas as some posters are assuming? I’m guessing it’s a bit more than that.

Another one here where Father Christmas delivered the (little) stocking gifts but anything else was from the individual who gave them. AND we always had to write thank you letters as did my children as do their children. Big gifts ALWAYS from the parents (and if we were lucky grandparents).

Your dad is NBU

God what a drama over nothing, I do hate the way everyone overthinks the Father Christmas thing!

The gift is for the recipient not so the giver can get credit/see their face! They should feel joy just to make a child happy. Your dad shouldn't be crying FFS!

All gifts are left by FC on Christmas morning here, but people write their names on the label and the kids say thanks. We've always done it that way and as kids always did. Kids dot question this shit like us adults and when they are old enough to think that's odd they stop believing!

Your sister is being massively unreasonable! She cannot dictate how others give gifts, she can ask but can't expect everyone to agree. It sounds to me like the parents can't afford much so is trying to make it seem like she got more by having everyone's gifts together. Probably makes a great FB /Instagram boast post ;)

If your Dad doesn't want to go along with this he doesn't have too. Could he stay Christmas Eve so he is there to watch the gift opening (with his name on the tags) and your sister has her gifts as one? Someone needs to call out Sis on her bullshit either way

I agree with BillyBagpus amongst others. Grand dad can buy his grandchild a gift and see him open it and grand child knows it's from grand dad.

The mother can do what she wants with her own gifts. If she wants to credit a sky fairy she can do so... with the stuff that she's bought.

For the posters who don't understand the difference between somebody you know and love giving you a present that you treasure and remember coming from that person - and some omnipotent red-clad twit whom the child has absolutely no relationship with, then we must agree to differ.

Well I guess I was a stupid kid as I always had a stocking & presents under the tree from FC, also presents from GP, XYZ.

Nothing from parents & never questioned it.

I guess I thought that FC did it so parents didn't have to & anyone else who wanted to buy a present was free to do so.

Can't understand why parents want the kudos tbh.

I suspect the issue here has arisen as OP and her family have in past years presented “Santa Sacks” of gifts to the wee boy rather than just a more sensible single present or so.

I do agree there should only be one magical “big pile of presents” experience for the Child otherwise its overwhelming and spoiling. It sounds like the whole family are in danger of putting too much focus and pressure on this little boy.

What’s been suggested by the sis however is an odd way of dealing with this. Maybe chat with her honestly about each getting the boy 1-2 specially chosen things and not going crazy and if you will promise to stick to that you would want to give in person.

Speaking as someone who had the first grandchild on both sides of the family which meant we got crazy number of presents at Xmas, I can see where your sister in coming from.
She has every right to 'control' her DS's Xmas and decide what is best for him on the day.
On the other hand, you and your dad have no right to decide this and overule her.
Your OP says your head is telling you it is her decision, and your head is right.
Leave well alone.

I might be missing the point, but surely the fact your Dad is so distressed is what matters here? Tell your sister how hurt and upset he was and ask her to change it.
This is my dad’s first Christmas without Mum, and I’ve bent over backwards to make sure he’s not alone, that he’s coming to us and will have as lovely a day as possible. I genuinely cannot understand the motivations of anyone who puts stuff and gifts above the happiness of someone they love.

SIlverdaleGlen that is so mean spirited and so much they way children get turned into spoiled brats.
Giving and receiving gifts is about the relationship not a competition to see who gets the most expensive plastic tat. It’s about showing and receiving love. It’s knowing someone has thought carefully about what you might like. It’s about understanding people care about you. It’s learning to say thank you and understanding your joy brings pleasure to others. It is a two way process.
OP your sister is being mean and inconsiderate and someone needs to tell her this is so.

It’s a ridiculous thing to do and makes kids stop believing earlier!

My family did the stockings and one single nice present from Santa. Everything else under the tree were presents from family and friends. Including presents from us (kids) to everyone else.

My ex’s family did the whole Santa brings everything. But all family members would shop for presents etc in front of my dc and their excuse was that they bought the presents and ‘sent them to Santa’. This very early on prompted the ‘why’ question. As soon as dc we’re old enough to think logically which is much earlier than you think.

Santa getting full credit for a single stocking and present by your bed first thing is much better and easier to keep the pretence up for longer.

I don't think you or your Dad should go along with this because it's nuts. She can do it with her own presents if she wants but not yours.

The child is three. So long as there are presents he not going to wonder or even care how they got there. If your dad doesn't want to buy in to DSis's way of doing things he needs to tell her calmly he will be giving his own gift in person. Trying to involve you (presumably to do the hard work for him) isn't on.

Parents/Grandparents deserve the kudos because of the time effort and money they put in. Yes, it’s done with love . But you should appreciate what has been done for you.

I do think your dsis can't just dictate, but it also sounds other family members have a lot of expectations on your little dn to be happy and grateful to order. What happens if he is tired, grumpy or doesn't like the present? Will the adults in the family take this personally?

I've never encountered anyone who collected relatives gifts and said they were from Santa . Do people actually do this?

Your sister is being unreasonable, Santa can still give a present(s) and the rest can be from whoever. Our DD always got a present from Santa and a stocking, also some smaller presents from us. Our family and friends would give them to her over the Christmas period, however, she always wanted to save anything she received before for the big day. I think it was a good lesson learnt in that she said thank you for her present, if she didn't open it at the time, we got her to phone a day or two after Christmas to talk to that person.

There is pressure on those giving the presents as they have to hand them over discreetly and presumably some will be expected to have a second get together over the Christmas period. Also, if they've got their own kids, most of them are going to realise they're presents for the family and it'll seem odd there's no mention of them during a family visit.

it would keep the magic for longer if he just brought small stocking stuff so they don't query why we as parents don't give them anything.

This here is why we get the "should I tell my 11 year old the truth before he starts high school" threads.

I'd argue that a child starting to query why their parents don't buy them presents at Christmas is a good thing, because it leads them to use their own critical thinking skills to figure out how it all works themselves, without all the angst and heartbreak that people often write about when they say they've had to have The Chat. It can be dressed up as not wanting to give Santa all the credit for things you've bought, but at the end of the day, the children have no reason to question the logical impossibility of Santa at a young age, because why would their parents bother to make it up when they buy presents too.

I sometimes think I'm in a parallel universe on here.

Do people really make this kind of fuss over presents for a 3 year old?

YABU to be on the fence, good luck talking to your sister.

Is she short of money and trying to cover it up?

How overboard did the family go last year and had she already asked them to cut back from the first Christmas?