Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

I think she is in the wrong to do this and that he is understandably upset and you're understandably finding this odd and asking about it.

As you're not wanting to mention the Santa issue I'll skip out on that, but why can't he have a combination if it must involve Santa? People give people gifts. Won't he be wrapping up gifts to give to some of the friends and relatives in his life (bought by his Mother but wrapped by him)? This encourages sharing/the fun in giving gifts.

With the Granddad it's not so much about gratitude I think from the sounds of it, more about not wanting the kid to think he doesn't care.

I understand the dismay when family goes overboard. In the past, my parents have outshone Santa. Plus, we are left with a house full of kid crap presents, which is just insane! Esp for such a small child who has no idea.

Talk to your sister...

In our home, Santa brings 1 present DD asked for, normally something we've made a big fuss of that we won't get (gooey Louie and doggy doo) on 2 previous occasions or told her we couldn't get as they were sold out.

I don't like how parents use Santa as a tool to parent with "be good or Santa won't get you anything" or those who give their children all the presents from Santa. Chances are that there will be at least one child in each class who doesn't get anything from Santa or something very small and as children do will probably equate this with being because they weren't good enough. Whereas other children go back to school with a huge list of what Santa brought so therefore they are "good".

We do presents at our house and then ones from the grandparents at their home. Therefore everything goes under a tree, isnt so overweling and it opened over a couple of days instead of a huge influx at once.

Your sister sounds very controlling and it is stupid idea

Your sister sounds like a dickhead, and she ought to be told. Perhaps show her this thread?

It’s a gift. He should give it how he pleases. Your sister can not control how other people give gifts. I certainly wouldn’t dream of it.

To keep the peace, could he give something small ‘from santa’ and then give his real gift when he sees them? Just don’t tell the sister that’s the plan.

No way would i comply. That’s extremely rude. A United front required.

Dh and I once brought a present to a child we were seeing over Christmas. Not a close relative and the mother announced. “Look what what Father Christmas brought for you”. This was in France. I understand it’s more common over there - or at least with dhs family. I was really really pissed off and put me off buying a presents for them again. As is we haven’t seen them since, we didn’t live in France.

I must say that presents anywhere but home is very odd for us but I am sensing we may be in the minority.

Santa goes to one house, the house the child lives in. There is no "Oh and he left some presents at Grandmas/Aunty Janes/Next door neighbours..." the only time that was an issue was when the kids where little because ex and I were divorced so we said that he did special deliveries for children who have two Xmases like they do.

The idea of the kid getting up for some presents, getting some at Grandads, another couple at Aunty Janes etc spoils the whole concept of Santa surely?

And if your reaction to not having seperate gift giving from each rellie is "But we wont see his face!" then I would question for who's benefit you are giving the gifts.

And yes, he is a glorified posman here oo.

I think your sister is being unreasonable, at 3 he's not going to know the value of anything. It seems a weird concept.

I get that people can afford different amounts, but the emphasis should be on the item not value.

Pyongyang
You are deffo in the minority. Santa delivers a sack dd full of small items. She does tend to get one larger item, which stems from when dd was 3 and she wanted a doll, which walked and talked and closed its eyes when it goes to sleep. She copied peppa pig and her trip to Santa. Then the following year dd still remembered the present and told me that Santa delivers one bigger present and a few smaller items so I continued in the same vein to meet her expectation. All the rest come from the actual person and not necessarily on Xmas day.

My cheeky fucker cousin once tried to pull this shit. It didn’t go down well and she was told it wasn’t going to happen. She backed down pretty quickly because ultimately she wanted the presents more than anything.

Growing up in France, all our presents were from Father Christmas. What happened is that Father Christmas dropped some of our presents at relative's houses. Some of the relatives would bring them to us during their next visit or the presents would be waiting for us when we visited the relative's home (under their tree). It's was lovely as we weren't expecting those presents, they were a bonus, kind of a Second, third and fourth Christmas.
I think however that if you want the child to believe for as long as possible, it is probably better to go along with what is mainstream in the area as kids will be taking at school and might identify discrepancies.

My plan would be to say to my sister, “you arent being serious are you?” If she replies yes, then “I will give my own gift to Dn”

Santa goes to one house only, but relatives/friends also give each other and children gifts.

Talking not taking

Your sister sounds like a controlling twat.

If it makes you feel any better my sister is worse. I could give you an endless list but examples include my niece not being allowed to dress up for Halloween or go trick or treating, being forced to “learn how to read”’instead of play with my daughter, not letting her have anything pink in her life whatsoever, telling her off for the slightest typical four year old behaviour. I literally could go on all day so I feel your pain.

I’d ignore her and do what you want to do. I did last year when my sister banned me from buying my niece a sylvanian family house because “she has too many toys”.

I don't buy presents so I can see people open them. Kids should be able to open them all on Christmas morning. Santa delivers presents from friends and family.

Yeah she’s bonkers, Father Christmas doesn’t bring ALL the presents? I have a 3yr old too, all the presents from us (so ones left under the tree and the stocking on Christmas morning) are from FC but the ones our family bring him are from Nanny X and Aunty X etc

I thought that was the norm?

You sister is being way too controlling, it is not her place to instruct others what they should or shouldn't do with the gifts they are providing.

However a compromise might be easier given how she is. Maybe your Dad could buy something small for santa's sack to keep your sister quiet, and keep his main present to give his grandson himself. No need to draw attention to this fact. One present handed over, one kept to be given personally, she is hardly likely to complain given her ds ends up with two presents.

Your sister's emotion sounds like she feels she is not providing enough at christmas for her child, so wonder if she has money problems? Maybe she doesn't want her ds to feel disappointed in the father christmas' offerings so she is trying to collect more gifts to make it look better...?

This is solved like this:

Dad: no, that’s bonkers, I’ll give him my present personally - you do whatever you like from FC

SEE?

But Father Christmas only brings one present per person. Tell her that. Silly mare.

I hate that concept.
People who buy presents for others should be thanked for them, not ignored because everything came from "Santa/Father Christmas".

Father Christmas/Santa brings a stocking for mine (and for us too, so they don't get sad that we got left out or had been Bad) and it usually includes the One Thing they Really Wanted and asked him for - but all other presents are labelled from the people who gave them. Then they get to say thank for you for them, usually via Skype (family all in a different country)

Your sister is being ridiculous.
Santa brings a stocking and one toy here- he wouldn’t have room in his sleigh for more

The rest comes from the people who bought it - us /family etc

We exchange christmas eve unbeknown to the kids and then they wake to all their presents. Gift tags say who they are from. It seems like this is how it is with our family and friends

My SIL did this one Christmas some years ago (her kids are 12 and 14 now). We all went along with as she's rather a strong character! But it never happened again. I think the kids didn't notice. (Kids really don't care who their presents are from!) And it was quite logistically annoying (for her as well as us) as SIL lives 200 miles or so from the rest of the family so we all had to arrange to visit before Christmas to give her our presents. I was a uni student at the time and terribly organised so never got round to it and took them up late. She was mightily pissed off. Anyway my advice would be to go along with it, turn up with a special present from you so you can see it unwrapped and I bet you anything she doesn't do it next year.

Father Christmas used to bring all of our presents, but some were from relatives - so I suppose we subscribed to the sending presents to Santa thing. It never occurred to me that my parents didn't buy me anything but then I stopped totally believing at a young age anyway.

With my own DC Father Christmas gave all the presents that we bought, and then all the presents from others went under the tree and were clearly from those gift givers.

I have a friend who, though I didn't realise at the time, ripped off all the tags of gifts I bought her DC and bunged them in with the rest of Santas because it was he, and only he that bought the pressies. I think that is a bit off tbh.