Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

DH initially had the misconception that Father Christmas brought all the family presents - stocking and main, but other relatives did give their own. I pointed out that the only proper way that it would keep the magic for longer if he just brought small stocking stuff so they don't query why we as parents don't give them anything. Very early on ?4 the children were noticing that we were giving presents to wider friends and family. Although obviously being MN children there was no expectation of receiving a gift in return there so massively was . Unless she is going down the 'no gifts for adults route too' very soon your nephew will wonder why he gives presents to Granddad but never gets one back.

I would suggest one present from each family member, possibly discussed in advance. Other little presents can be saved for when he goes around at other times of the year, with the option for the parents to leave them at granddad's house. Children do get overwhelmed with presents and I can see why she wants to cut back on that aspect.

[DivisionBelle]

Your sister really cannot expect people to buy presents and for her then to pretend that present came from someone else!

Say to your sister ‘“I think everyone got over excited last year and went over the top. If you want everyone to be more practical this year, that will be respected. But Christmas is about giving , amongst everyone, and aunts, and especially grand dads, want their loved ones to know they have given them a gift. “

Anyway, I would just send a small gift ready for Xmas eve, according to her edict, and then give him what you intended to give him when you see him.

Doubtless that is the kind of thing that would have your DSis posting I. AIBU, but then being a controlling eejit sometimes has that effect

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

You don't get to dictate what others do re Santa and gifts. Tell your dad to stick to his own plans.

[MuseumOfCurry]

Good grief. This is character-revealing kind of stuff. She is being controlling, thoughtless, and petty. I'd tell her to fuck off.

[Brokenbiscuit]

Santa was a glorified postman when I was growing up. All of the gifts were delivered by him, but we still knew who had "asked Santa" to deliver what, and we thanked each relative accordingly. DSis and I did the same thing with our own dc, though sadly, they have long since stopped believing in FC.

I don't think it's that odd to say that Santa delivers the stuff, but the dc should be able to thank the relevant individuals. How about a quiet word with your dsis about how upset your dad is, and see if you can come up with a compromise of some sort?

[EmilyChambers79]

My ex SIL was a cheeky fucker like this.

She swapped labels and re wrapped presents given so her "precious divas" (her words, not mine) get to learn that "Santa brings them everything they want, for being them".

She absolutely hated me when I held back my present and gave it to them on Christmas Day to the point she asked me to leave their house as I'd ruined Christmas. Worst part was, the two girls couldn't understand why I had got them a present. No one else did, it's Santa that brings them.

They are 11 and 8 now. I'd love to know if they still believe and are still spoilt!

[whiskyowl]

Your sister is being really unreasonable. Your nephew can still have his gifts from Santa from her, but she can't dictate to everyone else that their presents are from Father Christmas too!

I would have a word, because this really isn't worth someone being upset over.

The whole thing is ridiculous anyway. The amount of aggro created by an invisible, present-giving invention of twentieth-century consumerism is just stupid. Can't we just stop for a second and appreciate that these kids have warmth, shelter, food, free healthcare, a great education and loving homes, as well as a bunch of people who dote on them enough to buy them presents and that, in the global scheme of things, that makes them far, far more lucky than any lie about an invisible bloke coming down chimneys can make them feel?

[Layla8]

Surely you’re sister would be upset to know your Dad was in tears over this ? Cruel to upset him over such a trivial matter. Think you need to have a word.

[billybagpuss]

I think your dad should just say 'no' I'm buying him a gift and I want him to know its from me, if you want to get him Father Christmas gifts thats up to you.

We always did 1 Father Christmas gift which was usually quite cool but fairly modest and they knew exactly who all the others came from, not least so they knew who to write thank you letters to.

Otherwise your sister is simple storing up problems for later on. My niece did the lapland thing when she was little and believed wholehearted for a long time until they had to come clean when at the age of 11 she asked for a laptop and said its ok, Father Christmas can pay!'

[Creatureofthenight]

If my sister was being this daft and upsetting my dad, I'd tell her so!

[buggerthebotox]

A bit of an overreaction on your dad's part, I think.

The child is 3!

[LizzieSiddal]

I do understand where your sis is coming from if you all went overboard last year. My PIL, parents and sisters bought so many presents for our dd that we got pretty angry by the time she was 3. Our sitting room looked like a toy shop and thousands of pounds had been spent. . At the time we were pretty skint, which made it worse.

Tell her you won’t go overboard again, also tell her your dad is upset. I’m sure she wouldn’t want that.

[londonrach]

Santa does stockling and maybe a small present under the tree. Vvv strange for santa to give that many presents. Sister being totally ott and controlling

[shhhfastasleep]

This “Santa brings everything “shit gives me the unreasonable rage too.
I grew up with having family and friends presents and a bit of Santa presents.
This year is probably our last year of Santa - secondary school next year. I intend to tell my dd - sometime in Spring- that even though Santa doesn’t actually exist and she’s old enough to be let in on the secret, she will always get Santa presents.
I remember tripping over them when I came home drunk one night still living with my parents.

[CantSleepClownsWillEatMe]

The only person I know in RL who did this is my SIL and she's 100% the type to do it to save her the cost of Santa/FC gifts. Of course she didn't tell any of us so when talking to the dc on the phone and asking eg Is the lego set/doll the one you wanted, the dc would be really confused and wonder how we knew what they'd had! We put it down to them being confused with all the excitement but eventually it became clear.

Or maybe your sis wants to do this so next year she can start a thread insisting she only ever spends a tenner on dc at Christmas and is shocked/appalled/saddened by the rest of us, not disclosing that her child gets the same but paid for by others .

[LoniceraJaponica]

When SIL's children were small all presents came from Father Christmas. When my younger nephew went back to school one year all his friends were talking about what their parents had got them for Christmas. he came home sobbing because his parents hadn't bought him anything.

When DD was small I did what my sister and I had grown up with - stocking from Father Christmas, and presents from actual people that you had to say thank you to.

I remember the first Christmas that DD was old enough to appreciate it all and MIL frowned her disapproval when I was handing DD presents saying this is from mummy and daddy, this is from granny etc. She said "shouldn't they all come from Santa". I told her that I wasn't prepared to have DD grow up with a sense of self entitlement and she needed to understand that when someone gives you a present you have to say thank you.

You have a few options:

1. Do as she asks
   
2. Just take the presents round on Christmas Day
   
3. Give a small present for your nephew to open under the tree and take another one round on Christmas Day

[GrumpyOldBag]

In our house Father Christmas (never Santa) only fills the stocking.

All under-tree presents are tagged with the name of the giver who is either thanked in person if they are there on the day, or by letter afterwards.

Your sister is being weird - pfb?

[SilverSpot]

You sister is being a cow. She can do what she likes with the gifts she buys (although 'santa brings everything is stupid anyway) but its not up to her to dictate what other poeple do with theirs.

[LoniceraJaponica]

Does your sister remove the labels off the presents under the tree so your nephew doesn't know that they are from actual people?

[GrumpyOldBag]

And, those of you who put "Santa" presents under the tree, do your dc also get a stocking??

[shhhfastasleep]

My MiL got upset because I wouldn’t allow the Santa brings everything nonsense. Every year I had to get in the way I always did it to stop her. She’s upset. Don’t really care.

[lottieandmia22]

I agree with those who say your sister can’t dictate how presents are given. I would be really pissed off if someone tried to pretend my gifts were actually from someone else. She sounds an absolute nightmare.

[shhhfastasleep]

People go to a lot of thought and trouble with gifts. Why should Santa get the glory. He can bring his own stuff.

[SheSellSeaShells]

The way I do it is Santa brings them the big gift they ask him for (within reason haha), the stocking and some other bits, the rest are from Mummy and Daddy.

Other relatives buy their gifts and they give them to them so they can enjoy seeing them open them (so either before Christmas, on the day itself or afterwards depending on when we are seeing them).

I always thought it would make it more believable for them, as otherwise they get loads from Santa, their relatives and nothing from Mum and dad which of course after a while they will question.

[Rebeccaslicker]

When I was tiny, we were always told that grandma/grandad etc had asked santa to bring a present from her/him. Would that work as a compromise without making a big row out of something that is supposed to be fun? Then your sister could have her way without a fight, but your DN would still know the presents were from your dad?