Dad in tears about Christmas

[SingleKrisKringle]

My dad has been so upset tonight about Christmas and he's not a man who cries!

Basically he dotes on my nephew/his gs but my sister has announced that she would like all family gifts delivered prior to Christmas Eve as all presents are to be from Father Christmas/Santa not getting into that debate

I can't get too worked up about it. She wants him to believe, says we can say relatives told Santa to buy the presents they bought and still hand over a little gift from us, she thinks this will stop people going overboard and I think that will most definitely be a result as most people want to 'see their face' when they open gifts.

However I also totally understand my dads side too. He's concerned my nephew (3) will wonder why his family aren't buying for him and will see other people exchange gifts. I guess this year it won't be a problem but if she wants to keep doing it this way in future I can see that maybe becoming an issue. Also gratitude I suppose, if he thinks someone else is giving the gifts he won't be thanking anyone. Again, probably not so much an issue this year.

So... AIBU to be on the fence? My head is telling me keep quiet it's her decision, I don't want things to be strained for Christmas. I love my sister dearly but she can be ver stubborn. On the other hand my dad being so sad did break my heart a little bit.

Any suggestions for compromise or reasons one way is better than the other will maybe help me get the splinters out....

[Fresta]

Well my dd was never bothered whether she got a gift from us. She was obviously so grateful for everything Santa gave her she wasn't greedy enough or insecure enough to need presents from us too. I always buy her a book for Christmas eve, filled up her advent calendar, and she always gets bought presents from us for her birthday, she knows we love her.

One year my dd even remarked "look mummy, Santa has got me XYZ, that's so go good, you don't need to spend your money on me now". It was so sweet and she's such a thoughtful girl. Of course she's 12 now and knows it was all us and looks back fondly on the 'santa' years.

If you want to do it differently, do, I'm sure all families have their different traditions, but I don't get the angst and telling people that it's a big mistake to give all gifs from FC. Whatever your traditions are it doesn't make other people's wrong.

[Chickoletta]

My parents insisted on this when I was growing up and I can honestly say that it is the reason that I never actually believed. From a very early age it seemed nuts to me that Auntie Mary who lived over the road would send a present to the North Pole for it to be brought back to the same place. My mum also told me that I couldn't ask for expensive things as FC sent parents a bill in the new year!!

Your sister is being very U and selfish.

[Fresta]

You see, if you leave the presents from relatives by the fire then Santa's elves will collect them in the night and look after them safely until Christmas Eve. No need to pay postage to The North Pole.

[Chickoletta]

Still nuts.

[Upsy1981]

My MIL tried to say 'Oooh look, Santa has been to my house too!' thing for a couple of years but we just didn't take her on about it and she can't contain not getting the credit for a gift that DD liked that she'd make it blatantly obvious it was from her so the whole idea never really took off and now Santa just comes to our house, everyone else provides their own gifts.

[Halfdrankbrew]

I can understand your sister wanting you to send the presents over before Xmas then they have them to open them Xmas morning. I don't agree with saying Father Christmas bought them all though. I was always told as a child that family send the presents off to Father Christmas, they buy them and then Father Christmas delivers them. Hmm it sounds pretty daft now I think about it but I bought this until I was about 10!

I'm going to do the same with my own kids, ask people to send their presents over before Christmas Day and then Father Christmas can deliver them Xmas eve, they'll know who picked and bought the presents that way (our kids are only 2 in Jan and a few months old so they won't understand yet).

[aintnothinbutagstring]

Santa is such a first world problem, who really gives a shit. So I work hard all year to give my kids a few gifts and some old fat white guy in a red suit gets all the credit, and we're told organised religion is brainwashing

[Rosecottage888]

I always did presents from family under the tree and stocking from santa. Wasn't popular with the mum of DS best friend at primary school as all presents were from santa in their house and didn't appear until Xmas morning. Every family is different but I wasn't hiding our presents because of this, I just said to his friend they were extra presents sent up by my family

[Betsy86]

Tell her you will be opening a savings account and putting money into it at christmas and any other occasion she wants to be a twat about and save it for him instead. As will your dad.

[Abbylee]

My children are grown (mostly). We lived far from dh's parents and mil was overly generous. I was grateful bc some years were lean.

We opened her box of gifts on Christmas Eve. It was shared with her by phone and she shared in their joy and excitement. It never occurred to me to deny her that delight. What lovely memories. Presents, nice dinner in pajamas. I think it was almost more fun than Christmas morning.

My own (divorced)dp used to get up very early (5 or 6 a.m.) to meet each other and go to watch my dn's open gifts at my brother's house. My father usually gave them an over the top gift bc he was awful when we were children. It didn't overshadow Santa.

It is a benefit of surviving parenthood to give grandchildren wonderful presents that we couldn't when our dc were little.

Finally, i never missed giving my dns gifts. Ever. My hateful sil and brother told them that i NEVER gave them gifts. I found this out when an angry niece told me, indignantly that i was unkind and a cheapskate! It broke my heart.

Your sister is not thinking this through. if she genuinely loves you all, hopefully she will share the joy. It is certainly true that it's better to give than receive.

[Originalfoogirl]

Santa gifts are the big ones

Forget that! He’s not getting the credit for the good stuff!

[Shadow666]

It sounds like last year, the nephew just got so many more presents from granddad and aunt than Santa that it led to some awkward questions from him, so the sister was hoping if she said that all the presents except a few were from Santa, it would all be a lot more believable.

I think a frank chat with both of them about expectations is the way to go. It sounds like the OP is going to try anyway.

[Ineke]

Sounds odd to me. Stockings on the bed from Santa and a few presents under the tree but the joy of giving to your nephew from your dad should not be taken away by your sister. Children also need to learn to receive gracefully and say thankyou, or in my day, write thankyou letters!. It's also nice for a child to know which gift was from their grandad, it might well be a lasting memory for them. Grandads end up being far more special than santas, especially as the child gets older. Your sister is being selfish IMO.

[Ineke]

I remember hearing the rustling of the paper from the stocking that Father Christmas had put on the bed. Orange and chocolate money and little gifts in the smallish stocking was probably the most exciting thing of Christmas. I did the same with my DC, and even when they were well pass the age of believing in FC the still wanted a stocking. All other presents, under the tree were from REAL people. FC also, never gave anything plastic! He is very Eco conscious, especially with all the Arctic Ice melting, his aide sure that his gifts were responsibly sourced and not harmful to the planet.!

[Kardashianlove]

Santa brings all the presents in our house. My family all drop them off in secret and we hide them in the loft!

It is magic on Christmas Day them coming down to a huge pile of presents. My mum is pleased when DC are soooo excited at the present she bought them. She gives them lots at other times during the year too that she gets to see them open.

I sent my DNephew his present last year and I got so much pleasure him telling me excidedly that Santa brought him it and he loved it. It didn't matter that I didn't get to see him open it or he didn't say thank you to me. The same this year, I've bought him a gift that I know he will LOVE and be over the moon when he opens it. The fact Santa will bring it will just make it extra special for him.

I understand by this thread though that we are unusual the way we do things.

[embo1]

What???? Basically she wants lots of gifts from Santa, but doesn't want to buy them herself?? Cheeky cow! If I buy a gift for my nephew, it's from me and no one else!
My in laws buy us all token gifts from Santa and my son (their only grandchild) some small gifts from Santa, as well as main gifts from them, but because they want to.

[Fresta]

Sounds like most people give gifts for their own selfish reasons. They want thanks and recognition.

Kardashian, your Christmas arrangements sound pretty much like ours. It's magical way to do it. And hiding all the presents away, and secret visits from friends and family with gifts, hiding the presents away without DC seeing, is all part of the fun.

You'll get your thanks in time.

[Someonessnackbitch]

Some say ‘it’s selfish’ some say the children are ‘insecure and greedy’ others say it’s about teaching gratification.
Parents arguing over FC? Interesting!

[Mxyzptlk]

My DGD is 4. I never see her opening any presents I send her, as I live too far away. I don't mind that, I just want her to have the gifts.
Sometimes, when I visit, she'll mention that something she's playing with was a present from me.
I think she likes to know that Granny has thought about her and has sent a gift, even though I live far away from her.

[embo1]

I thinks it's lovely that my son knows his aunts, uncles and grandparents have bought him presents! He hardly sees them, so it's one of the only ways he knows they care! Yes, I'd rather he saw them more, but that's not possible as we're 100s of miles away from the closest family. Parents should buy presents from Santa... unless family want their present to be from santa

[Leapfrog44]

Your sister is out of order! Don't sit on the fence, stand up to her. What a controlling cow!! Your father is absolutely right be upset.

[diddl]

"Basically she wants lots of gifts from Santa, but doesn't want to buy them herself??"

Or, as requested, her dad just gives one present from him and doesn't buy other stuff?

[suzy2b]

when my kids were little all presents were from santa my daughter has done the same (i always stay over on christmas eve to be there in the morning) however she has a new partner who does it different so not sure what is going to happen this year,although they have picked up present from their granddad on boxing day

[Kardashianlove]

Fresta yes, it is completely magical. My mum did the same and I can remember the amazement of coming downstairs to all the presents under the tree and saying 'he's been, he's been!'

Yes and sneaking all the presents in is good fun-my mum has sat round the corner in the car waiting for me to text to say kids all asleep! Or people sneak stuff into the boot of the car.

Everyone has their own way of doing it though. I think I would be a bit upset if my mum/dad didn't want to do it this way but there would be nothing I could do, I would just have to say 'ok then, you give DC gifts when you see them' but I would feel they wanted to give DC gifts partly for their own benefit-so they could see DC reaction/receive thanks,etc, rather than purely because they know DC will be happy.

[suzy2b]

i find it strange that parents are buying kids presents at chrismas always thought it was a santa thing why write list when the adults give presents we have said santa doesn't give adults presents only gives present to children.nobody ever saw a present until christmas morning sacks were on the bottom of my bed.