To not want to do packed lunches?

[TickledOnion]

Just had DD1 (age 8) in tears because she desperately wants to move to packed lunches. It's all or nothing at her school. You sign up for a term of school dinners or packed lunches.

All her friends have packed lunches and they sit in a different dining hall to eat. So she has to sit with the same 2 girls everyday as they are the only ones is her year who are on school dinners. She doesn't dislike these girls but they aren't her close friends.

She likes some of the food but not the overcooked veg and there are a couple of days where she really doesn't like the meat bit of the meal.

My reasons are that I really, really hate making packed lunch. I am a single parent so it is just more mental load and more stuff to do each day. DDs are not particularly helpful around the house and I feel like I have enough to do nagging them to do every single thing every day. They do very little without being asked 20 times.

And it's a balanced meal that I don't have to think about. It's stuff like meatballs and pasta or bbq chicken and rice. Which means I don't feel guilty if I do pizza or fish fingers or beans on toast occasionally for tea.

And if I did it for one I'd probably have to do it for both.

So, AIBU to say no despite the tears?

She really hates it and feels it adds significantly to her mental load

I really hate changing nappies and feel it adds significantly to my mental load. I take it its fine if I opt out of that?

OP, I think you’re absolutely right. You provided/paid for a healthy and fairly decent meal everyday. I understand you perfectly when you say it’d be just another mental load. If she wants packed lunches she should plan then at least or even make them.

Why don't you understand the idea that someone can feel they are at a limit of what they can reasonably manage?

If the 2 mins to make a packed lunch push you over that limit, you are already in trouble and have far bigger problems.

And all of this is about OP and whether 2 mins matters or not, when really it should be about the child who is in need of her parent to do this simple thing for her.

What Shutitandtidyupgitface said. Cool user name by the way

Thanks. It was the last thing I'd said when I needed a username!

Sorting packed lunches is just an extension of the sort of parenting known as 'keeping your kids fed', and knowing exactly what they're eating. What do you give them for lunch at the weekends??
What you're basically saying is you'd rather she had dinner at school so you don't feel so bad about giving her junk for tea at home. Parenting at its finest.

Really? A lot of schools don't even give you the option of a packed lunch. TBH if I had the option I would rather my children had a hot lunch anyway (unless to food is very grim). How people could think that a sandwich is preferable to proper food in this cold weather is beyond me.

Lol at people raging about packed lunches.

Bloody hell, this thread! As if not wanting to make packed lunches is the pinnacle of neglect. I must have a good deep think about my parenting, you've all opened my eyes

I hate doing packed lunches too. Our school you can alternate so on the days I work they both have school dinners and on my days off they have a packed lunch so it's only twice a week but I still have to be organised otherwise we run out of bread or fruit. They keep going on about having packed lunch everyday and I've told them no. Get your dd to help make the packed lunch she might get fed up doing it everyday.

I've not read the entire thread, apologies if it has been asked and answered; why are packed lunch kids and school dinner kids separated? Is that normal now or school dependant? We all muddled in together when I were a kid...many moons ago.
FWIW OP my mum hated doing packed lunches. Seems nuts to separate kids.

I used to do packed lunches for my four; they were cheaper and much better nutritionally than crappy school dinners.

The way I see it OP, you can be nice mum or mean mum here. Sadly your DD is not going to understand concepts like "mental load" though I get that, as a working single parent, life must be pretty relentless for you.

Things that helped me:
Online shopping.
Wraps rather than sarnies, pittas in freezer for emergencies
Little juice cartons (value are fine)
Wrapped biscuits or cake bars
Tinned fruit for the odd day you run out of fresh
Little plastic tubs, the sort the takeaway puts mango chutney in
Dishwasher safe lunch boxes (forget about bags)

I think you should give it a go. And I think fair enough if you ask her to help.

I refuse to do packed lunches. DD just has to have school dinners. It's not up for negotiation (well maybe when she's old enough to make her own - shes only 4).

Bunch of arseholes come out to play on this thread. Nice one ladies .

OP I totally get it. And actually my best friends Mum once said that it was the lunch making that nearly broke her. Your dd will live.

On another thread, shutit has made it clear that she expects to be financially supported all her days for pushing a baby out of her vagina, so I'm not sure she's best placed to understand what it's like to be a very time stretched single parent.

It takes 2 minutes, is probably cheaper than paying for school dinners and it sounds like your daughter would really appreciate it. Why not just do it?

I agree that it’s a PITA. It can often lead to more shopping trips to make sure there’s fresh stuff in. And it can generate either a lot of washing up or a lot of plastic waste to wrap things. And it’s another bloody thing to remember, or for the kids to forget to take to school and cause me another trip.

But once both kids were in KS2, I couldn’t afford £22 per week for school lunches.

Now I have one drawer in the fridge for packed lunch stuff. I fill it when I put away groceries and do a couple of days sandwiches at once. So assembling a lunch just involves grabbing a couple of bits from the drawer and chucking them in a bag.

The nagging comes in when I tell the girls to empty their lunch bags at the end of the day 🙄.

Pegggwn out of sheer curiosity, why do you care about this issue so much? You've been all over this thread defending the OP. I can't see the big deal. Some agree with her and some don't. This is AIBU so there are going to be a mix of opinions. Why does it bother you so much?