To not want to do packed lunches?

[TickledOnion]

Just had DD1 (age 8) in tears because she desperately wants to move to packed lunches. It's all or nothing at her school. You sign up for a term of school dinners or packed lunches.

All her friends have packed lunches and they sit in a different dining hall to eat. So she has to sit with the same 2 girls everyday as they are the only ones is her year who are on school dinners. She doesn't dislike these girls but they aren't her close friends.

She likes some of the food but not the overcooked veg and there are a couple of days where she really doesn't like the meat bit of the meal.

My reasons are that I really, really hate making packed lunch. I am a single parent so it is just more mental load and more stuff to do each day. DDs are not particularly helpful around the house and I feel like I have enough to do nagging them to do every single thing every day. They do very little without being asked 20 times.

And it's a balanced meal that I don't have to think about. It's stuff like meatballs and pasta or bbq chicken and rice. Which means I don't feel guilty if I do pizza or fish fingers or beans on toast occasionally for tea.

And if I did it for one I'd probably have to do it for both.

So, AIBU to say no despite the tears?

You’re totally not BU - but I’d let her try and make lunches for herself. My DDs (10 and just 8) do it together and we made it into a task - they get £5 a week each to buy their own extras and sandwich fillings, then they just use the family bread/fruit. DD (age 10) spends most of her money on strawberries each week! Most kids that age can butter some bread and bung a few snacks into a lunchbox, so i’d give it a go - it’s perfectly understandable that she wants to sit with friends!

Make all your sandwiches from one loaf of bread in one go. Wrap and freeze then you just have to get it out in the morning or night before if you prefer, and it should be defrosted by lunch.
I think it is quite a big deal to your dd and sitting with friends at lunch could make a big difference to her day. Plus you can save a lot of money over paying for lunches.

We had this with dd. She too is 8. She wants to sit with her friends. For her to achieve this she has to make her own packed lunch. It does work, but she’s asked for school dinners for a Friday as it’s fish and chips, her favourite 😀

She’s not the one who’ll have to plan, shop, cart around, portion, check for nutrition, veto certain junk foods, and check that leftovers and packs are still within dates

That does sound like a lot of faff! I think maybe you're making more of it than a parent really needs to. Buy a 6 pack of wholemeal rolls for the week, some ham/cheese slices and a jar of pickle, a 6 pack of yoghurts and a bunch of bananas/apples.

Are people really so put out by making a packed lunch for their 8 year old that they would rather the child had to sit with non friends. And the suggestion that 8 year olds should make their own packed lunch seriously? Are parents these days really so brutal?

I would happily make mine a pack if they asked. Literally no reason not to.

That’s exactly it Skittlesandbeer. It’s the extra mental load. I can’t run out of bread as I’m on my own so can’t go shopping without taking the Dcs with me. I’d have to rethink evening meals to make sure they were more balanced. There are rules about what they can and can’t have (health, allergy and religion related). It’s just more stress I don’t need.
I do need to get them helping more around the house though.

Maybe get your DD to make sandwiches on a Sunday (for the whole week) and freeze them? There have been threads before about freezing sandwiches.

Make that the proviso then. Packed lunches = more help around the house.

One of the pps had a good idea that she does the bits with the sharp knife and DD does the yoghurt/fruit/whatever. And DD is responsible for washing it out.

I didn’t particularly love making packed lunches for my son when he was at school (home ed now) but it really doesn’t take that long. And just because they’ve had a packed lunch doesn’t mean they still can’t have pizza or fish fingers occasionally.

Packed lunches are the norm where I live, and if every parent possessed the attitude of, "I don't want to. I'm a single parent. I don't have 5 minutes to do it", we'd have a lot of kids going hungry.

I have one on school dinners and one on packed lunches. I hate making them but my DS hates schools dinners. I pack it all the night before apart from the sandwiches/wraps etc. I make those fresh in the morning. I don't agree that 8 year olds should make their own lunches.

Oh bless her, it’s tough being separated from your friends at lunch.

I’d go with the freezing sandwiches suggestion. We stack our freezer with chicken/ham/cheese sandwiches or rolls, then making the packed lunch is easy-peasy. She could do it herself I reckon.

I hate making packed lunches. Even for me. I will make 3 boxes of salad using ingredients that won't wilt on a Monday and take them in to the work fridge (we have 2 large ones) for Mon-Wed. Or I have something I can make up there.

So I spent a fortune on school dinners to avoid having to make them for my DDs.

You could box up a few lunchboxes of mixed snack-bits to make a balanced lunch. It doesn't need to be sandwiches. She could then grab one a day.

It's rather fixed-minded of the school that they can only order dinners/sandwiches for a term at a time.

My dd's make there own packed lunch and have done for a couple of years, so dd was around 8, I may help and make her sandwich put she is to get everything out and pack it the night before

Like you I was a single mum to 3 and hated doing it so I passed the job onto them

Oh I think you're a bit mean. All that friend stuff matters SO much when you're 8.

I hated making school lunches, had a couple of years in a school with no catering so had to but never again. My DC also would love it and plead for it, but although usually pretty flexible I say no. I like the idea they have had one balanced meal that I haven't had to think about, shop for and prepped and cleared up after. They have their whole life's in front of them to make their packed lunches for work.

There are a lot of very unsympathetic posts on this thread.

OP, I have an 8 yr old and I too hate making packed lunches. I also have a younger DC who is still on free infant meals so to save faff and arguments both are still on school dinners. It might change int he future but I do so hate the mental load bit of yet another task/thing ot remember/nutritional angst. I get it. However, I do find that on days like school trips or other unusual occasions my DC8 is perfectly capable of making a packed lunch - slicing and all - and in fact really enjoys it. Eats a lot of pickled gherkins, but apart from that not too bad.

And once you get into the shopping swing of it it's not too onerous either - in the holidays I buy a lot more "picnic/lunchbox" food like cartoned drinks or individual bits and you just get used to it. Get DD to make her "shopping list" for lunches, and be clear with her that if it wasn't on the list then it won't get bought. For the bread situation, it helps to have some spare rolls/sandwich thins/wraps etc in the freezer you can whip out if need be.

Go on - delegate! If it means a lot to her, she'll step up, I bet. A bit of phased independence is no bad thing, I think.

I hate making packed lunches but I do get my 9 year old to do his. I buy those little wraps so they don't even have to cut the bread just roll up some ham in the wrap, stock it in a bag, a drink, some fruit which I make him put in and a cake bar or something. My DS is really the most defeatist child I have ever known but even he will put a lunch together without too much moaning!

I hated making packed lunches too but in the end my youngest child just said he would make them. So he did!
If she can't quite manage the sandwich yet - although if she doesn't have SN she should be able to do that quite soon (I have a child who can't at 14), and practice makes perfect.
I understand about mental load and planning for bread. That was the sort of thing that kept me saying no, and now I wish I had thought of asking my son to make his own much earlier!
He had the same sandwich everyday and sometimes that was all he took. He never ate the grapes/carrot sticks/yoghurt so we just gave up on them. He wanted to stuff something in and get out to play.
The school lunches were pretty vile and he often just had the bread and butter anyway. So I was paying for them for nothing.
You probably can make it work, but your DD has to take responsibility.

It's a chance to help DD learn about responsibility. Explain that she MUST make her own sandwich every evening or morning if she wants packed lunches.

Then just have fruit in the house along with a big box of cereal bars and a big pack of yogurts or crackers.

Mine have a sandwich, two bits of fruit, some cheese and crackers and a cereal bar or muffin or nuts.

So easy if you buy them weekly.

I live in Oz and there's no canteen at our school so have no choice.

I hate making packed lunches. It’s my worse job ever. Making sandwiches is sooo boring and thinking about what to buy to put in them. More mental load.

But, when I was a small child I was made to have dinners. And all my friends sat at a table together and ate their packed lunch and went out to play. I had to sit with kids I wasn’t friends with and got left out of all the lunchtime bonding. Which then filtered into lesson time as they would all arrange who they would work with in pairs etc. It was worse at my school as dinners ate first and then went out to play, whilst the packed lunches played first and then ate (the dinner hall was too small for whole school). Anyway I was lonely in the playground and at dinner. So I have relented and now let DD have a packed lunch. It’s a blinkin nuisance though.

I make and freeze sandwiches for the whole week (ham/chicken/cheese) so don't run out of bread or risk it staling. Frubes also frozen. DD8 loves making her own lunch from the bits and pieces around, some cherry toms or carrot sticks etc

Do the freezing thing it makes a massive difference honestly.

Frozen sandwiches sound awful, doesn’t the bread get soggy and what about the lettuce cucumber etc!
Packed lunch is tedious but most of mums at my two’s school use flasks, you can make batches of real food and freeze or use leftovers from previous meals like rice veg chicken etc and just heat in microwave in morning...

She doesnt have to have sandwiches though. Cold chicken dippers, batch make some bacon and cheese turnovers, pasta pesto, all can be bulk made and eaten cold.

One of the above with a drinking yoghurt pot thingy, a banana or orange and a packed of mini cheddars. Done.

Frozen sandwiches sound awful, doesn’t the bread get soggy and what about the lettuce cucumber etc!

I agree, I wouldn't eat that!
I made my own lunch from a very young age. I got to eat my disgusting strawberry jam and cheese and onion crisp sandwiches without the lunchbox police though.
I was a very independent child and was doing this from the infants.
My taste in sandwiches improved as I aged.