Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

[AdaHopper]

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

haveacupoftea
Because disabled/accessible toilets alkost always create some sort of bun fight on MN as people try to decide what does/doesn't count as needing an accessible toilet like they're some kind of 'additional need police' with special powers who can tell the detail of someone's need by looking.
Then people will point out that it is an accessible toilet not a disabled one and that a range if needs can use them, not all of them visable.
Then someone points out that often the baby change is in there too and someone says 'ah well you shouldn't use it. I bet you have a wee in there too like a selfish git. You should change your baby nappy on yhe floor in the ladies'

And by about 10 posts in it has turned into 'times I've almost shit myself because it wasn't available right when I needed it' with thr implication that it should always be free on demand (despite the fact that an accessible toilet not a you never have ti wait toilet can be in use by other people who need an accessible toilet)

Some people take the piss in life. Most don't.
Accessible toilet posts on here always turn into the same bun fight

The issue here is men's violence isn't it. A boy is more likely to get hurt in a man's toilet than a girl is to get hurt in a ladies toilet. However 'naice' the establishment is.

Well unless there is a weirdo lurking in the ladies . And like it or not it happens.

Curiositykilledthecat113 2 out of those 3 I've done, the leaving the door open for a pushchair is commonly suggested instead of using a disabled toilet with a pushchair. I live in an area with a large Muslim population and rearranging a hijab in front of the mirror is quite common.

I agree with wtfdoipick. I have been on numerous threads on here where leaving the door open while a baby is in a push chair should be done instead of using the disabled. So no way should men be in there.

The reason DH would take DD into an accessible toilet is to avoid the potential upset of "barging" into the ladies

Why isn’t he taking her into the men’s toilet?

Presumably cherry because she is old enough to not want to go in. But she isn't so old that he's happy for her to go in alone. A 9yo girl round here was raped a few years ago in a supermarket, the ladies isn't necessarily safe

I’ve never known anyone wee with the door open in public.

Seems to me that instead of squabbling people should be pushing for family friendly toilets.

As for the hijab, as long as the dad makes his presence known, it’s no different to the many toilets that have male cleaners. The Muslim women I know would be sympathetic to the feelings of the little girl who doesn’t want to go in the men’s toilet and wait until the dad left.

I think the long term answer is definitely for shops to create family spaces like our local swimming pool which has a men’s changing area, a woman’s and a family with loos in each. DD used to work in a coffee bar on Saturdays and it was her job to clean the loos at closing time. It was cleaning the men’s loos which made her leave and get a different Sat job.

Disabled toilets are reserved for the sole use of the disabled, and can only be accessed with a RADAR key.

Accessible toilets are toilets that are accessible for anyone and are not specifically reserved for the disabled, and can be used by anyone who needs them. This obviously includes those that need space for baby change, to adjust a hijab, or for families to use, as well as a multitude of other reasons.

The accessible toilet would be the correct one to use in this situation - it's what they are designed for.

The disabled (RADAR) one is not appropriate for use by anyone but the disabled.

Seems to me that instead of squabbling people should be pushing for family friendly toilets.

^^ this, absolutely

I've had to pee with door open too as I had the buggy.

I wasn't going to use the disabled toilet and I decided the next best option would be to pick a corner cubicle and and stick the buggy in the doorway.

I've seen others do the same.

And arrange head scarves

Not unusual.

Having worked in pubs it's perfectly normal for people to come up to you and say, the toilets dirty/out of loo roll/bulbs gone etc and we went and sorted them out.

Only on MN would people refuse to actually find a staff member use their words and get a problem solved, and just think.its ok for dads to take their kids to the ladies instead.

The signs usually have a contact number too.

PollyPerky

I suggest you read the thread. It was discussed at length last night. It is about genuine need and basic dignity as opposed to really comparatively pitiful sentiment.

Are there really women out there who would uncomfortable buying Sanpro in front of a man who is accompanying a child? Really? Seems like a rather flimsy argument. How do you cope with buying Sanpro in a supermarket in front of men?

Men's toilets are usually unspeakably unpleasant to go into. I had to take my son in at a fireworks display a few weeks ago as he was hopping about and the ladies had a massive queue.

It fucking stank and there were blokes lined up at the urinal as I ushered him into a cubicle which also stank of piss and stood in a good few inches of liquid.

Gross.

Yes luckily where I live there are ‘accessible’ loos with baby change AND disabled facilities. This is quite different from ‘disabled only’ toilets where a key is required. My husband has always used them for changing his DD’s. He wouldn’t DREAM of going into the ladies. If I never knew him I’d be terrified if he was in a female toilet. He is 18 stone and looks like he’s just stepped out of jail (he hasn’t) and extremely intimidating looking.
He crosses the road if walking behind line women so as not to make them afraid and has enough respect to know his needs don’t trump females to use those spaces alone.

I have 3 DD’s and my DH has never considered taking any of them into the ladies toilet! Ideally yes we should now be in the world of unisex options but we aren’t so until a certain age they should use the toilet appropriate to the parent, I think it’s highly offensive to assume that all blokes are peadiphiles - what is the world coming to!

As for using disabled, if I am in a long queue for ladies and young DD is about to pee herself I will use disabled if it’s empty and no one is waiting, should I let her wet herself when there is an empty toilet? When I had 3 DD’s and one in a pram I also used disabled, there is no way I am leaving a newborn outside the toilet! Now I am sure I will get flamed, and I am by no means comparing my situation with any person’s disability but come on sense has to prevail here, a Disabled person could equally find the toilet busy with another disabled person, not all disabilities are visible, let’s just all be kind and considerate to each other without needing to trump who is more important!

How do you cope with buying Sanpro in a supermarket in front of men?

I don’t. I go a till with a woman on since receiving a comment about being a ‘woman and ready for sex’ after buying tampax from the corner shop in my teens.

So if men’s toilets are so awful should he use the ladies if he wis with a 4 yo DS rather than a Dd?

I don’t think anyone here thinks all men are rapists or peadophiles far from it! Most of us know and interact with lots of lovely men and know the majority are NOT like that. At all.
But experience has made us appreciate the few female only spaces we have and we don’t want that intruded upon.

It really is time men learned to stay out of women only spaces. No excuse. Total lack of manners and class.

#curiosity

Why do women get sex only spaces but anyone can go in the mens?

It's not ok for women to go in the men's either, only small girls accompanied by an adult male. It is also fine for small boys to go in the ladies accompanied by an adult female. Same rules for all. I have never herd of a man accomoanting a girl into rhe ladues, I have never witnessed this and none of my friends do it.

People are making the mens toilets sound like the most disgusting places on earth. I really doubt that they are so much worse than the ladies in most cases. The kond of places than men take small children are shopping centres, cinemas, service stations, play centres, family friendly pubs my DH tells me that the toilets in most of these places are usually fine.

My DS is 7 and in most small places now I would stand outside the door of the mens and let him go inside on his own. I would take him to the ladies in large busy places like service stations. My DH will do the same with our DDs when they reach 7/8 but until then he takes them in the mens.

@MaisyPops i haven't come across this particular bun fight before. Just p&c parking and people with prams using wheelchair spaces on buses. Some MNers seems intent on pitching parents of young children against disabled people. How about supporting two vulnerable groups and allowing both to use the facilities available to them without crying about it?

A Disabled person could equally find the toilet busy with another disabled person, not all disabilities are visible, let’s just all be kind and considerate to each other without needing to trump who is more important!

Exactly this.^

Disability is not just about access if someone has mobility issues. I agree that able bodied people should leave the disabled loo (for want of a better term) free whenever possible. But I also think that some people who are disabled or who have children with disabilities need to educate themselves about seemingly able bodied adults who may need a loo- any loo- urgently.

There are women with conditions like overactive bladder and IBS who cannot hang on in a queue of 12 women (it's always the women's that have queues) and when the FREE disabled loo is the only option if they aren't to wet or poo themselves. Their health issue is not visible. Disabled people have a right to an accessible loo but that doesn't mean they should never, ever, find it in use by another human being who also has needs either for themselves or their child.

I think if I were him I would have asked another woman to take her and wait outside. No way would I have wanted my daughter in a men's toilet.