Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

[AdaHopper]

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

No way should a man be in the women's toilets, with or without a child.

Toffee I suggest you think about the basic dignity of women (or men) have have overactive bladder or IBS who cannot wait in a queue for the loo and when the disabled loo is empty. They have just as much right to dignity. or do you think it's just for people with a visible disability? if so, shame on you.

@haveacupoftea
There hasn't been one in a while.
A few months back there was a week where there seemed to be loads of threads about accessible toilets.

This week seems to be the week for variations on 'people wanting to get male people into female toilets'. We're on 2 threads in as many days.

young DD is about to pee herself I will use disabled if it’s empty and no one is waiting, should I let her wet herself

See that's the exception we should be tolerant of. In the same way as we should be tolerant of the odd bloke who finds themselves in the ladies (and vice versa).

Thing is if I'm in there with DS I'm really aware of if there's anyone waiting outside, if there is I try to hurry him if I can. If you're in there with a couple a couple of kids are you going to get out let them in and then finish or even notice they are outside? No your not. It's amazing how many people who shouldnt be in disabled loo faff and think that a brief apology on the way out makes it ok.

Usually there's one disabled loos. But there are increasingly more individuals with disabilities. It's a real problem. Yes whoever is in there might have genuine need and actually I try not to comment in person having been on the receiving end of comments when DS is on a good day and doesn't "look disabled".

Family toilets in with disabled loos are awful because the needs really aren't compatible. But they exist and yes families in that case have right to use them.

If you are using a disabled loos and you are not disabled you are making a disabled persons life harder. It is not that complex.

Not RTFT, but without a doubt he should take her into the men's toilet. I have seen a dad bring his DD into the ladies before and he got some strange stares and was asked to use the mens.

Even more weirdly, last week I took my kids to their swimming lesson as usual and a Dad walked into the female changing room with his daughter to get her changed! There were naked women in there obviously and he just strolled in as if he had every right to be there because he had a daughter. Let's just say I don't Henk he'll be making that mistake again

are women with conditions like overactive bladder and IBS who cannot hang on in a queue of 12 women

My bad I would consider this entirely justified in using the disabled loo. Bad use of language as although they don't have a disability as such there is a medical need

*think

@M5tothesouthwest

We don’t walk around naked nor pee with the door open so I don’t see the issue.

I've seen posts on Mumsnet on a number of occasions that say that if you need the loo and have a pram with you that you should leave the cubicle door open to keep an eye on the baby.

Ds is 8 and comes into the ladies or changing rooms with me if Dh isn't there. I have occasionally let him go in alone. But I have a friend who works in social care and she told me the amount of sexual assault on boys that happens in toilets. She's a very sensible person and she wouldn't let her 8 year old into a men's toilet alone.

@Curiositykilledthecat113 I had to get changed in the ladies toilets once, not many cubicles so didn't want to use one unnecessarily. Unfortunate seagull related event, had to pretty much wash my hair in the sink as well.

@Increasinglymiddleaged I always felt terrible about using the accessible toilet with DS, but he was terrified of those pull down baby changes and also terrified of hand dryers.

I think this situation is a good enough reason to use a disabled loo. Failing that, I wouldn't mind seeing a man with a 4 year old girl in the ladies'. He's the one who's outnumbered and will feel out of place. I'd rather that than the little girl have to go in the men's. They are always So inexplicably smelly and unpleasant.

It has occurred to me that maybe the reason why transwomen are so keen to access women's toilets is because the men's are stinking.
Seems a bit of an extreme way to go for a clean smelling toilet though.

I digree though, the 4 year old should go to the mens.

*digress, not digree

They have just as much right to dignity. or do you think it's just for people with a visible disability? if so, shame on you.

If you read the thread puddle realise my son's difficulties aren't always visible and can manifest themselves as similar needs to IBS. The symptoms you are referring to I've actually explicit mentionedwith reference to me son's needs. With apologies for my use of language, but if you'd read the thread you'd know your comment was unnecessary.

My objection is to people using the disabled who have no real need.

Tell him to keep out of our space!

I would never take 4yo DS into the men’s for this reason. At that age they go in with the parent to whichever loo parent uses! End of.

And to those saying use the disabled - what about this situation justifies that? Nothing!

Dh sometimes takes dd to toilet to the men’s but on a few occasions he’s come out saying nope that’s too gross to use. Dtds are 6 and yesterday he sent them into the ladies together and waited outside as the men’s was in such a state. I wasn’t there. I don’t know what the answer is.

A lot of baby changes have a toilet in them if I were him I would use that

I suggest you think about the basic dignity of women (or men) have have overactive bladder or IBS who cannot wait in a queue for the loo and when the disabled loo is empty

My sister has UC and is allowed to use the disabled toilet when she has a flare up because UC is recognised as a disability.

I think if I were him I would have asked another woman to take her and wait outside. No way would I have wanted my daughter in a men's toilet

My dd would never have done this at age 4. My DH always takes her into the men's if they are out. Same for swimming- there is a female and male changing room/toilet area- if he takes her to her lesson she goes with him into the men's.

I knew people would say they use the disabled toilet. It's so bloody selfish.

Accessible toilets are for the sole use of disabled people, unless the changing unit is in there. They aren't there for families, groups or because you need more room because you've got a buggy.

A lot of BB spaces are being renamed accessible spaces now, too. They still have the wheelchair sign, and are only for disabled people. Times and 'labels' are changing.

I'm amazed on mumsnet by the number of women who push women's rights whilst completely trampling over the rights of a far more vulnerable section of the community

Which is the far more vulnerable group Toffee?

Also why do people think it’s so horrific for girls to experience bad smell etc in a men’s toilet but presumably they don’t feel their boys are too precious for this? Utterly ridiculous

Exactly

Which is the far more vulnerable group Toffee?

Do you really need to ask that?

Accessible toilets where I live have the baby change and wheelchair signs so they are for everyone who cannot use the standard ones.