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AIBU?

Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

550 replies

AdaHopper · 18/11/2017 21:05

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

OP posts:
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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/11/2017 08:52

I posted a thread not too long ago re a man changing his grandsons nappy in the ladies

I remember that, and the one bat shit poster who said he had a right to be in there because the BABY was female 😂

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treaclesoda · 19/11/2017 08:52

I've never seen a man take a child into the ladies toilet and I'd be very taken by surprise if did.

It's not that I think a man would be a danger to me, or other women, as it's much more likely that he'd only be interested in helping his daughter to the toilet. It's just that the cheek of it would piss me off. They are ladies toilets, not ladies and anyone else who feels like taking someone to them because they are nicer than the ones that they should be in.

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MaisyPops · 19/11/2017 08:54

I imagine the replies on here would be very different if the father happened to be transgender
People on MN have very inconsistent views on when someone being biologically male does/doesn't count.

Trans woman - shouldn't be in thr ladies
Teen boy - absolutely should be

Personally, I couldn't care less and have used unisex facilities but the fact it is an issue for some women and is part of a growing shift where women find female spaces eroded means I will support female onlg spaces.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/11/2017 08:55

Thinking about it this whole thing really fucks me off. Women keep toilets cleaner and nicer, so men think it’s their god given right to use it rather than bother their own arses to create a nice environment in the men’s. Men, unapologetically taking from women. What a refreshing change in the world Hmm

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WeAllHaveWings · 19/11/2017 08:55

To the posters who don’t mind a father taking his 4 year old daughter into the ladies because the gents are smelly/grim, is it ok for a father to take his 4 year old son into the ladies too. Surely no child should have to go into a smelly/grim toilet?

If gents toilets are so grim, men and fathers need to campaign/complain about them being kept to an acceptable standard, then there is no need for unisex toilets or for men with children to use the ladies.

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Toffeelatteplease · 19/11/2017 08:56

No to the disabled. That is the only thing that is the wrong thing to do. Read the thread. Using the disabled loo is damn unpleasant. You deserve to be flamed to hell for suggesting it.

Upset a few people's sensitivities because on occasion there's the wrong gendered person or make a vulnerable individuals life considerably harder. It's a sad thing for society if we start doing the later more,

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Wiggypudding · 19/11/2017 08:58

I'll get flamed but if DH is out and about with DD6 his first choice would be an accessible toilet, second choice the ladies.

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Primaryteach87 · 19/11/2017 09:00

It wouldn’t bother me and depending on how unsavoury the men’s looks, it might be the preferable option. It’s all a bit of a problem due to unequal toilet situation... don’t get me started on places that only have baby changing in women’s loos!!

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MissWilmottsGhost · 19/11/2017 09:00

Mens' toilets are not child friendly at all

And that is the problem really. It is still true in many places that the default expectation is that only women are parents. The baby change is in the ladies, the nappy machine is in the ladies, the disposal bins are in the ladies.

Men's toilets do need to be made more dad-friendly. Getting rid of the urinals and putting in baby change facilities would really improve the situation for everyone.

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Wiggypudding · 19/11/2017 09:01

It's just that the cheek of it would piss me off. They are ladies toilets, not ladies and anyone else who feels like taking someone to them because they are nicer than the ones that they should be in.

The child is female though and just being accompanied by an adult. Surely it could be argued by a man that it's a cheek for a girl to be in the gents?

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/11/2017 09:02

The gents is no place for a little girl.

What about little boys?

This thread is depressing. Why are we treating little girls like they’re made of China and can’t handle a pissy smell and seeing a few blokes’ backs.

Do people think men should bring boys into the ladies? Seeing as it’s nicer?

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Increasinglymiddleaged · 19/11/2017 09:03

I am always Confused on MN at the angst around cheek.

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treaclesoda · 19/11/2017 09:05

The child is female though and just being accompanied by an adult. Surely it could be argued by a man that it's a cheek for a girl to be in the gents?

I wouldn't have thought so, because the girl is a child. It's the sex of the adult that determines the appropriate place.

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Toffeelatteplease · 19/11/2017 09:06

Wiggypudding

Using the disabled loo when you are not disabled makes a personal utter shit. Read the thread for why and hope to God you never find yourself with a disabled child so you don't have to learn first hand why. If you did you wouldn't ever consider it an option.

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IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 19/11/2017 09:09

If men kept their toilets clean and managed to piss in the loo instead of on the floor/seat this whole problem would go away.

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Increasinglymiddleaged · 19/11/2017 09:09

This thread is depressing. Why are we treating little girls like they’re made of China and can’t handle a pissy smell and seeing a few blokes’ backs.

So what is the age limit? We have a load of posters coming over all unnecessary at the prospect of sharing toilets with men. But it's OK for girls to go into the gents.... In toddlerhood clearly it makes no difference but 8? 7? 10? Would you let an 8yo into the ladies alone in a city centre? Not everyone can afford to head to a coffee shop after all.

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MrsOverTheRoad · 19/11/2017 09:10

I've seen men in the ladies and haven't given it a second thought...they were with small girls and I always thought it was because men's loos have urinals and they don't want their child to see men pissing in the open!

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christinarossetti · 19/11/2017 09:10

The only times that I have used the toilet for disabled people when I've been out with my children is when the toddler needs to go to the loo, the baby needs changing and I need to use the loo too.

I would rather not, but I can't fit myself, two children and a buggy in a single toilet cubicle.

Toilets overall need to be better designed.

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yikesanotherbooboo · 19/11/2017 09:11

Thank you Cherry, I completely agree.
OP Your husband can campaign for more fragrant men’s loos or for separate cubicles.
I have never seen a man do this.

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Toffeelatteplease · 19/11/2017 09:11

the sex of the adult that determines the appropriate place

Why? Why not the sex of the child.

Usually cos some utter shit can't understand why they shouldn't take up the limited number of disabled loos unnecessarily.

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Increasinglymiddleaged · 19/11/2017 09:11

I think you've made your point toffee. Tbh I don't think that describing people as utter shits really reflects that well on you either.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/11/2017 09:12

Surely it could be argued by a man that it's a cheek for a girl to be in the gents?

Whoever argued that would be very thick indeed. She’s needs accompanying because she needs help going to the toilet. The sex of the adult, not the child is what matters. Thems the rules.

Tell your Nigel’s to make the men’s toilets nicer rather than barging their way into the women’s.

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streetlife70s · 19/11/2017 09:13

Oh I don’t know. Perhaps women who have been assaulted and raped by men might also be considered vulnerable in their presence when sitting with our knickers round our ankles.

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PollyPerky · 19/11/2017 09:13

In our local Waitrose, all the dads with young daughters head for the accessible loo which is also the baby change. parenting loo. I know there is often an uproar on MN about people using accessible loos, but to be frank, even disabled people need to understand the loo may be in use by someone else at some point - even another disabled person.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/11/2017 09:14

So what is the age limit?

I’d say about 6/7. Depending on the child.

There’s another thread running about 13yo boys in women’s toilets because they’re too precious to be in the men’s. Definitely an age limit!

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