Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

[AdaHopper]

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

@giles I can speak for my husband and he has never trashed anything in his life so can say with confidence that he would leave the ladies toilet in a fit state after our DD had used it.

I can understand why a man would not want his 4yo to sit on a bog in the men's. Men use them for shitting

Heh, just seen this gem. What on earth do you think women use their loos for?!

You know that but no one else does do they. And it's not you dealing with it if you aren't there

And clearly other men aren't the same or the men's loos wouldn't he so rank would they.

So why would these men who have trashed their loos be welcome in the ladies?

Quite. “We don’t care enough to keep things clean but the women do so let’s use their facilities”. Probably the same twats who think housework is a woman’s job

How the hell is one supposed to use the toilet with newborn twins by taking them out the buggy?

You could always

• find a facility with a family toilet
• use the end cubicle with the door open like many people do
• find a set of stalls with a large toilet to fit the buggy in

There’s no need at all to use a disabled toilet if you’re able bodied.

We live in a continental European country. I'll check with some friends here - I've lived in 5 continental European countries. I would not expect to see a man in women's toilet, no matter if they have a child with them or not.

My DH has taken dd to the gents when she was little lots of times, dd did state they weren't great, he never took her into a ladies. We would both take the twins to the accessible toilet because it was the only one accessible to us when out by ourselves with the double buggy. There are lots of single sex toilets that are not accessible to you when you are out with a buggy the size of a wheelchair, my planning was to make sure that none of the prams/pushchairs I bought were bigger than wheelchair measurements as this gave me a reasonable chance of finding a toilet we could use. This topic causes a lot of discussion on mumsnet but in real life I never found it caused an issue.

I’m not advocating using disabled toilets but the idea that you can just ‘scope a place out’ or plan in advance when you may need the loo and have a wee at home first makes a lot of assumptions.

Go places where they have family toilets or baby changing facilities (eg Asda, tesco, John Lewis, Debenhams etc) or go out with someone else. Having twins is not a disability. You also don’t get to park in the disabled bay or use the disabled bay on the bus.
You made the decision to have children. I did not make the decision to have a disability. Unfortunately that means you can’t always do/go where you used to go. If you’re going places where you don’t fit in the ladies toilets or don’t have family toilets/baby changing facilities with a loo, then you’ll have to go there with someone else to watch the pram for you.

I’m  at this thread where posters with actual disabilities, who have ONE option which is disabled toilets, have stated it’s categorically unacceptable to use a disabled toilet just because you have a child with you, and the responses have been ‘you’re wrong’. The sheer cheek and entitlement is astounding.

Here, fucking, here

I suggest you think about the basic dignity of women (or men) have have overactive bladder or IBS who cannot wait in a queue for the loo and when the disabled loo is empty. They have just as much right to dignity. or do you think it's just for people with a visible disability? if so, shame on you.

DH cousin has so many problems with this. he has Chrons and has to have something called an 'infusion' (never questioned him on what it entails tbh) fairly reagularly. Because of the Chrons, he often has to use whichever loo is closest to him, which if often the disabled one. He has had a lot of people question him about his use of them as to your eyes, he is a perfectly healthy young (25) man. No mobility issues or anything. He has on a few occasions answered politely. he is sick of being challenged now and just death stares the complainer and walks off while they yell at his back.

cherry i also find it ironic that everyone says their dhs/dss wouldn't ever leave a mess or be a threat to the women in the ladies loos.

Yet according to newsnight only 96 percent of men thought upskirting was a crime.

So that's nearly 1 in 20 men think it's ok to try and film up a women's skirt.

Statistically that's at least one husband of the women in this thread.

Yet here we are being made to feel that we are the ones in the wrong saying they shouldn't be there and that their lovely husband's would only be in there sorting out the children

Congrats guys you made it onto the daily fail 😂😂

Yeah I am surprised to hear that incontinence is not a 'real disability' now. You do not need a blue badge to use the disabled loo- it is for people who need it for various reasons, including things like IBS. With many disabilities, you are using it for the increased access etc so there is nothing inherently wrong with waiting a few moments when it is occupied either. Also, remember that not all disabilities are visible ones.

Having twins isn't a choice, it's a physical happening and while it is a lovely idea that I always had someone on hand to go out with me this sadly wasn't the case. A lot of places have the accessible toilet and the disabled toilet as one space so this wasn't an issue. If people with disabilities feel they need more toilets as there are too few to be able to share them with others who require physically larger bathroo spaces than this is what should be pushed for, not telling new mothers that they should stay at home if they don't have someone who can go out with them.

My hubby used disabled toilets with our twin girls. We had very little option with a buggy

Having twins isn't a choice, it's a physical happening and while it is a lovely idea that I always had someone on hand to go out with me this sadly wasn't the case. A lot of places have the accessible toilet and the disabled toilet as one space so this wasn't an issue. If people with disabilities feel they need more toilets as there are too few to be able to share them with others who require physically larger bathroo spaces than this is what should be pushed for, not telling new mothers that they should stay at home if they don't have someone who can go out with them.

Having children is a choice. Whether you have one, two, five, ten, you decided to be a parent.

I think disabled people have fought enough for their facilities, it’s about time entitled mothers started to fight for their own facilities rather than piggybacking off ours. No one has said stay home, they’ve said plan your journey and research where you’re going.

Here's my 2 cents on this.

I don't think women who take their sons into female toilets is right.
It's pretty sick to be honest.
If your child is a baby, use the baby changing rooms.

Older children (male) 1-12 years old going into female toilets to complete wrong and boarderline perverted.

Be warned women, if I see it (which I have many times!) I will shame you publicly in front of everyone, including reporting you to security or a member of staff.

It wasn’t my argument that someone with newborn twins should use the disabled loo. Just that this idea that you can take a crap or change a tampax with the door open, find a cubicle that was big or have these planned visits where you only go where you know all about the toilet facilities and you should just stay at home (because obviously the only times you need to go out are for luxury shopping and non essential visits) or you know people who can go with you is so unrealistic.

People don’t ‘choose’ to have twins. Or to be alone with no family or friends.
Or to need to go to medical centres or doctors because of illness.
Or to not be able to afford internet access and can just choose not to food shop.
Or not have a car so can only use the poorly facilitated food shop that the bus can take them to.
Or have incontinence from childbirth trauma.

Again, not suggesting this gives them the right to use disabled toilets but don’t assume people have all these choices.

I actually think it is okay if you have twins in a buggy and there is no queue for the loo. Yes, it is a choice to have kids, but if people had no kids, who would look after you as you get older? You can't always plan everything and many women who have given birth to twins will have incontinence issues as a result and cannot hang on until they get somewhere more suitable. If the twins are in a buggy that she cannot fit in a cubicle, what on earth can she do? Many disabled loos are called 'accessible toilets' rather than disabled.

Can I ask those who are disabled whether you regularly encounter significant queues when wanting to use the loo? Is it the case that the toilets are full of able bodied people who insist on using them?

Laughing about it shows just how deluded you are.

Don't be taking sons into women's toilets simple.
It's wrong, morally as well as every other level.

If you have some issue which you wish to laugh about, maybe keep your legs closed in future 👍

Can I ask those who are disabled whether you regularly encounter significant queues when wanting to use the loo?

Yes.

Is it the case that the toilets are full of able bodied people who insist on using them?

Yes. Mostly entitled mothers with buggies.

Older children (male) 1-12 years old going into female toilets to complete wrong and boarderline perverted

You're being sarcastic right (hopes and prays but can't be sure on here)?