Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

[AdaHopper]

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

I am a lovely person.

You mean heaven forbid I leavey toddler unattended?

Could she not stand in the cubicle? Was she glued in the trolley? Your mother doesn't speak for all disabled people.

You had choices You chose the easiest one to you without giving a flying fuck about anyone else and that is downright selfish.

Not thick, just a decent person.

ChocoLeibnizAddict

I would have no trouble you using the disabled if you were incontinent and it was the nearest free loo.

I'd have a problem if it was because you had a large trolley and a child.

You've mixed the two issues which is why you've got the reaction you have. I'd have a serious think about what you actually meant.

I've occasionally been asked by a random dad to take his DD into the ladies while he waited outside. At 4 most children can cope alone so I'd just stand outside the cubicle leaving the door unlocked. When the child was ready I'd check the loo was flushed and wait while she washed her hands. I did not need to touch the child.
I was far more worried when a mum with a sleeping babe in arms asked me to hold the baby outside the ladies while she went inside. I was just hoping she would definitely come back! It was a crowded US bus station. She did come back!

Sayyouwill - isn't being about to wet oneself incontinence? Pads aren't always that great.

Don't believe there are some posters expressing DF should find a disabled loo. What are done stabled people, a proposition of which are using a wheelchair supposed to do? Let's not forget that disabled loos are often used for sex and injecting drugs/getting high.

As for the topic, it's a tricky one. I was always taken into the men's. My hubby took our daughter into the women's until 5 (almost 7 now). He waits at the entrance for her now. I don't see the issue. Women's loos are all cubicled. Men's have open urinals, with a couple cubicles squeezed in the (usually far) corner. Urinals smell, wouldn't have wanted her potentially seeing any glimpse of penis either.

@Beeziekn33ze depends whether she actually has a condition or just has a weak bladder. Plus she specifically says she only used the disabled toilet because she had her child in the trolly and couldn’t fit in the ladies. Can’t have been that desperate for the loo if she was able to scope out the ladies toilets before deciding to use the disabled toilets.

So cover eyes of child and steer towards cubicles.

If they are dirty call management and complain

Use somewhere else.

Don't decide for all women amd girls that cubicles mean they shouldn't be bothered about a men's presence

And why is an unlikely and accidental glimpse of a penis of a man who is in the right place using facilities correctly with every right to be there more traumatic and ergo more worthwhile of consideration than how any of the women and girls who's life story you don't know might feel when a man who shouldn't be there invaded their space

I've certainly had to leave the cubicle door open when my children were in a pushchair and there's no other option.

Sayyouwill - isn't being about to wet oneself incontinence?

It was a huge dripfeed wasn't it? First the toilets were too small for her trolley, then she couldn't leave the toddler unattended. All of a sudden her mother, who speaks for all disabled people, says it's ok because she's incontinent. .

Most people would have put that as the reason for using the accessible toilet in the first place.

I would 100% support a father's right to go into the ladies with his DD, after all it's her that needs the loo not him!

Yuk to DD seeing men standing pissing.

For those of you saying you may let DD/DS use the loo whilst changing baby in a double-up disabled/changing facility; do you also park in the sole disabled parking spot in town supermarkets as you'll "only be a few minutes" ??

brew If the changing facilities are in the accessible toilet then people aren't doing anything wrong by using them.

It isn't remotely comparable to parking in a disabled bay.

People using accessible toilets who don't need them takes the piss but people letting their other DC have a wee whilst they use the baby changing facilities are perfectly reasonable. The only people who would say otherwise are people who feel the accessible toilet should always be free the second the arrive at it.

I was at a soft play venue yesterday and was startled to find a dad?? waiting outside a cubicle in the ladies. I went with my dd as she was wearing a leotard and can’t manage it herself but she would usually go on her own. I found myself grateful she had asked me to go with her as I would feel very uncomfortable with the thought of an unknown man (albeit one with a small daughter) alone in the unsupervised toilets with my daughter.
I am not usually someone who sees a paedophile around every street corner but I think in this instance he should have had more sense than to put himself in a small room where lots of little girls under the age of 13 are entering on their own.
Btw I checked with my DH who confirmed that there are no urinals in the mens’ loos.

If you go into men’s toilets all you see is men’s backs, there’s no need to cover a child’s eyes

Use the disabled loo

Oh I don’t know. Perhaps women who have been assaulted and raped by men might also be considered vulnerable in their presence when sitting with our knickers round our ankles.

And what are men whom have been assaulted and raped by men whom might also be co sundered vulnerable in there presence when sitting with underwear round their ankles supposed to do?

Also @Toffeelatteplease makes great points, I hope you keep making them. Sure it's a really bad reflection on her calling out posters for misusing disabled toilets Have some Toffee.

Wow - a lot of responses. For those of you saying I should have taken her. They were on their way back to the seats and walked past the loos when she expressed her need. I was still gathering our stuff.

Plus, DH takes them out by himself quite often. I think he has made a habit of using the ladies' loos. It has happened before that I get to the toilets and he appears from the ladies.

Generally the women in there are nice but probably cos they think dd is cute, rather than appreciating his presence.

Could also be a cultural thing. We live in a continental European country. I'll check with some friends here and have a word with DH if they also think it's inappropriate.

Thanks!

Btw - no disabled loos available (it was in a school building and that is a completely different discussion altogether).

I think urinals are a thing of the past. They just don't work. The wee sprays everywhere, making the men's stink. Cubicles are the way forward for everyone.

He always took her/them into the accessible loo. When they were small he would have a baby/toddler in the stroller or double stroller, and one by the hand, and then later, two by the hand.

There's no getting a fully loaded Phil & Ted's into the regular toilets, it's accessible or bust.

I would rather see a dad with his daughter in the ladies than a four year old girl having to see men in the mens. Ladies have cubicals but men have their knobs out as soon as you walk in. Im with the dad.

There's no getting a fully loaded Phil & Ted's into the regular toilets, it's accessible or bust

Oh no! I'm so sorry your choice of buggy is more important than my wheelchair!