Son's Christmas gift entitlement. AIBU?

[honeylulu]

I think I know the answer to this but I agreed I would put it out there on mumsnet and ask for opinions which I will then show him.

Son is 12 (13 in April). I always ask him to do a Christmas list and until now it's been fine but in the last year he's developed a serious designer clothing/shoes interest. This is not inherited from me or his dad btw! We live fairly modestly.

His list this year is eye watering and includes: Pomeranian dog; Gucci shoes and belt, Armani jeans, Tissot watch etc.

We are comfortably off (household income in the region of £150k) and until now we've felt able to fulfil his wishes, given that his lists have been much more modest in previous years. For example last year he had a laptop as his main present and we spent around £500 including stocking gifts. I realise that I maybe should have started managing his expectations earlier but it hasn't been issue so far.

This year his whole list would run into thousands! So we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items, or he can reduce the designer-ness of his requests and get more items but we are not a bottomless money pit. His reaction was that we have always got him what he asked for so far why not this year?

Rather unchristmassy but we said that there is a budget. (By way of background we are about to buy a big do-er upper of a house and will have to also keep /fund our current house until we can renovate enough to move in so money is tighter this year although we had agreed we would not reduce the usual budget for kids gifts, just have less ourselves). The budget similar to last year is, for him, £400 plus extra for stocking gifts. (We also have a 3 year old but can get away with a much smaller budget for her as she is happy with My Little Ponies etc at the moment.)

He says his friends get much more than that - more presents/ bigger budget even though their parents earn less and we are mean and can afford more. We think that is bollocks. We probably could afford more but that's not the point.

£400 seems like plenty for main presents.

AIBU? I will be showing any replied to husband and son.

DS is nearly 11, and I've been worrying about this happening here.

Years ago he started watching 'Shop Well for Less' and 'Supershoppers' with me so that he had a handle on some of the ideas.

We give him pocket money and make him buy tat out of that.

I am floating the idea of when he gets to @ 13 just buying him the basics of school uniform and socks and giving him a budget of x per month which he can spend how he likes (within reason!). This idea is still in the committee stage.

I openly chase deals and check out places like eBay and charity shops and I discuss the pitfalls and when I make mistakes as well as the successes.

I have openly told him that as he gets older he will get fewer presents as he will still get roughly the same spent on him but the individual items will be more expensive.

I'm watching this for ideas.

Have you always been such cowards? He's a kid! If he wants a fucking Armani belt - and he frankly has no clue what that means or how to treat such a thing - he can spunk his cash on it when he's older and earning. What a little git you've raised.

Fuck's sake, will you buy him cocaine when he asks for that too?

Also ds has his own Amazon account under his name and linked to his email. There isn't a bank card linked to it. Instead he can convert pocket money or money from Christmas/Birthday to Amazon gift cards which he can then spend how he likes (within reason). I'm hoping that this means that he learns that when the money is spent, it's spent.

Not read the thread, but is this a joke?

When a teens peers group is talking about and wearing designer labels it’s understandable they covet the same and think of Christmas and birthdays as a time to get them (at least he isnt asking mid year which is a positive!!!!). Even though we don’t see the value in paying £500 for clothes he’ll quickly outgrow or play footie in the mud vs a laptop he does.

Im not saying buy them, but there is no need for him to be labelled a spoilt brat when the cash value is around the same as you’ve given in previous years.

Ds(13) would rather have £250 of FIFA points than a £500 laptop. They just value things differently and need a bit of guidance to monetary value vs real value.

I would maybe buy one, cheaper, piece of designer gear he likes and then something else. The same way Ds will get what I think is a reasonable amount of FIFA points which is nowhere near £250 worth!

Ouch well if he has learned his lesson fantastic. I do feel a teeny bit sorry for him, as I wanna ask Santa for lots too, but sadly I ain't getting any of what I want...Think house in the Bahamas, servants and limitless cash, oh and a yacht too. Bastard, been asking since I was 20..............And no joy ......

Whatever you think of the OP and her son the last time I looked Armani belts, unlike cocaine, were not Class A substances.

The OP already knew she wasn’t BU and was posting for answers to show her son.

OPyou have taken this in really good grace even though it can’t have been easy to read. Am sure you’ll all have a lovely Christmas, Liberace style gifts notwithstanding ;)

You have raised a entitled materialistic spoilt child - yep, you and your DH. You did this.

It will hard or nigh well impossible to turn it around.

Suggest volunteering at a charity over Christmas, all of you.

Good luck.

Well you've created a monster there, haven't you OP? I'd say there's still time to teach him about privilege, entitlement, gratitude... Good luck.

a. how disrespectful and uncouthly demanding of your 12 year old son to dare to write such a list.
b. how very awful that he still demands them when you say you cannot afford them and moans

we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items

Limited amount? You should not be considering buying even one of these items.

Having gone through a materialistic stage when DSS was a young teen, what worked for us was giving him the budget and he chose which items he wanted. If he blew the lot on one pair of trainers then that was his entire present.
We also got told that his mates all got so much more. We learned to shrug our shoulders a lot.
If it's any consolation, he now mixes the odd expensive brand purchase with H&M, Zara and Primark. Amazing how his attitude changed when he began spending his own wages rather than ours.

To be honest this is why I think Christmas is not a great holiday. The whole Santa (sorry Father Christmas!) thing turns it into magical gifts appearing without effort very quickly and the rest of the magic gets lost.

Why does a 12 year old even get a list at xmas? Mine didn't after santa left the building (and even then it was a heavily curated list). They did get stockings with funny/nice/small things in them.

I was baffled at what to get my 3 older teens last year so asked for a suggestion from each of them. These were:

Wool socks (in fairness this are expensive - as in 25 dollars so not something he'd buy himself)
Slippers
Something that shows me you love me (can you tell which is my tricky child?)

The truth is they didn't have a long list because they are privileged children who have all the laptops/phones/basic clothing they need.

This gift-giving crap at xmas is why I much prefer Thanksgiving as a holiday.

I will go against the general consensus, I think if you can afford the items on the list then buy them. They're only children for such a short amount of time.

£400 budget? For one child??? Bloody hell, that’s more than our whole, entire Christmas budget, and I thought we were spoiling dd when we spent 60 quid on her main present last year! The absolute most I have spent on single present was 120 for dh one year.

We do mainly give books, the above were exceptions. I once had 10 books for Christmas from various people - I was overwhelmed and so so happy!

It’s a bit of an outrageous list for a 12 year old. Yanbu, it’s just silly. Be careful not to set a new, unreasonable precedent here, nip it in the bud.

I'm thinking people are misjudging this. His parents on 150k can clearly afford £400 of Christmas presents.
The problem seems to be that , at 12 he has appalling taste. Who wants ( old peoples ) designer shit at that age.
I reckon this is wind up.

I agree gosh they can afford it, but WHY would a kid want that shit? Seriously? Must be a wind up

We generally spend quite a bit of money on DS for Christmas/ birthday eg PS4, phone contract, sports equipment etc (not all at once, these are examples of presents he's had as a teen) and we don't earn anything like OPs family.

Thankfully he has never shown any interest in designer clothing apart from sports brands and at 12/13 would happily live in sports direct or primark.

Oh fuck of with these stealth boast posts.

Colin creevy
The BEST reply this week, bar none,
Literally laughing out loud 😂🤣😂🤣🤛

I wouldn't get anything from that list.

Is this you and him on Christmas morning?

I will go against the general consensus, I think if you can afford the items on the list then buy them. They're only children for such a short amount of time.

Yes a short amount of time indeed and then they grow up into adults who will be ... what exactly if they give a list like that to their parents at age 12 and get it fulfilled?

I am a believer that stuff doesn’t spoil children but behaviour does.

Agreed.

i would be asking why he wants all this stuff? What need is he trying to fulfill?

It’s obvious from the OP. He is trying to be showy. Just like the unnecessary‘£150k’ income comment in the post. Learned behaviour.