To ask you to help me reply to 'are you still mad at me'

[Ilovecoleslaw]

Long story short; friends went on a night out without inviting me and we all went shopping the next day. I felt excluded from the night out and then the shopping as they went into shops without me, didn't wait for me etc. Basically felt like a taxi driver. One of the 2 friends asked how I was the next day and I said how I felt. Turnt into an argument with her saying I was excluding myself, I was on my phone all day and I wasn't invited on the night out as I was driving them to shopping the next day.
Full thread if anyone wants more info:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3078292-To-be-upset-friends-didnt-invite-me-out?pg=1&order=
Haven't talked since the last message which was almost 2 weeks ago, and we normally talk everyday. Last message ended with me saying I was just explaining my point, and her last message was 'point received'.
Forward to last night and she messages me 'are you still mad at me?', due me having no idea what to say and after a busy day at work I couldn't be bothered to reply. Just received another message from her saying 'cool'.

Now I'm stuck.
We used to talk almost everyday and I won't lie, I have missed talking to her at times, but I haven't been desperate to talk to her either.
I've been doing really well at work and trying to be more social (I would only say I have the two friends that I mention in my previous thread), and I'm going to my works Christmas party next month. Wasn't sure about going as I'm in a temporary position, but hoping to be permanent in February, and I really want to make some new friends so thought why not. General consensus of the last thread was that I WNBU and i need to make new friends.

And now I just have no idea what/if to reply and it just all feels really childish.
Please give me some wise advice mumnetters.
And sorry for the long post, think I've got everything relevant in there!

Earlier, she didn't say "You're right, I was upset that friend X didn't ask you to hers." Did she?
She said "You weren't asked on the night out because you were driving us the next day."

Doesn't that say it all?

I wouldn't have expected her to invite me to the other friends house, I agree it wouldn't have been her place to. But she could have invited me on the night out afterwards

OMG .......just loving the justification of how she tried to include you on the shopping day but it was all to no avail .
This response is so obviously over the top . She knows that you have sussed her out. they ARE fakes , phoney, users but they are definitely NOT your friends.

Big wide world out there, go and make some friends who want to be with you because you are a lovely person , not because you can drive !!

Reply ... cool

Reply.. whatever !!!

Then delete and find yourself some real friends

Olivetappas.....your reply is perfect response

Hmm that is awkward though. You cant invite somebody to somebody else's house.

I wouldnt cut her off. You have made your point. You let her know that you were hurt.

Lol at "cool"

She could have challenged the other friend when she realised you weren't invited. If you are a close group of 3 you would think she would have asked, "is coleslaw coming?...oh why not shall i text her?"

I would say this friend is a different case to the other one as she is making more of an effort and it doesn't sound like she instigated leaving you out. However she is not a close friend if she can be that mean and not feel absolutely gutted that she had hurt your feelings.

Keep trying to make new friends OP it will
be worth it and you deserve someone who cares about you more than this.

So... she thinks it's fine for you to be treated like that, then?

No acknowledgement of your feelings or of the very valid reasons for them - never mind any sympathy. Just victim-blaming.

Not your friend.

“Leaving me out one evening is an oversight perhaps. Doing it again the very next day when I drove you both found round is careless at best. Did you not think to invite me? I’m sorry you’re struggling to understand my POV.”

"You could have invited me on the night out though, but didn't. Or is that everyone else's fault but yours as well? "

Olivetappas has the perfect response.

Seriously, anyone who thinks the way they treated you is ok, and doesn't sympathise and try to do something about it... is not your friend. Hell, even I'm not your friend. I'm just a random internet stranger. And even I'm mad on your behalf.

I think you're banging your head against a brick wall here. They've shown what they think of you. Time to move on.

I remember your friend, and it didn't seem like any effort to include was made during the shopping trip. In fact, I remember a lot of us telling you that we hoped you'd left them there to make their own way home.

She is rewriting history imo.

You could do better. She probably wants something.

I'd leave it there.
Why is this whole thing being done over text anyway? If you've upset a friend, you'd go and see them or ring at least.

Her last reply was really just "It wasn't me! whine whine, excuses that contradict what I said last time.."

Some people can't really see beyond their own wants so don't take it personally.

If she’d said “I’m sorry you felt hurt and left out, I didn’t mean for you to feel bad” you’d have forgiven her by now would you?

She hasn’t chosen to do that.

What does that tell you?

Leave it there She thinks she has done nothing wrong. Remember leaving you out hasn't been the only thing they have done to hurt you - they spilled your secrets to your boyfriend. Leaving you out was simply the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.
Ask yourself do you need this type of drama in your life - do you need these people in your life 100%. If you do apologise and carry on as you will never get a proper apology and they will be happy to use you to their advantage. If not then block, delete (Don't tell them you are going to do it) and walk away with your head held high.

How well do you know the other friend? If you regularly do things as a 3 then it wouldn’t have been wierd at all to say, ‘oh should we invite Coleslaw too?’ whether it was her house or not. The driving the next day means nothing as you could have gone and only had a few drinks, or declined the invitation if you wanted

Laughing at gherkin! Where did that come from?

These so called "friends" are hard work OP. Find some better ones.

It’s not really that you weren’t invited to the house. You’re friends should be able to go out without you.
It’s the way they treated you when you were out with them -
Used you for a lift and ignored you for the day. That’s really shitty.

Your friends

Tell your friend SHE is the carcass gherkin!

Ellie apparently I type 'gherkin' more frequently than 'she'
I have a daughter. I do not eat in Mcdonalds or work in a pickle factory.