To ask you to help me reply to 'are you still mad at me'

[Ilovecoleslaw]

Long story short; friends went on a night out without inviting me and we all went shopping the next day. I felt excluded from the night out and then the shopping as they went into shops without me, didn't wait for me etc. Basically felt like a taxi driver. One of the 2 friends asked how I was the next day and I said how I felt. Turnt into an argument with her saying I was excluding myself, I was on my phone all day and I wasn't invited on the night out as I was driving them to shopping the next day.
Full thread if anyone wants more info:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3078292-To-be-upset-friends-didnt-invite-me-out?pg=1&order=
Haven't talked since the last message which was almost 2 weeks ago, and we normally talk everyday. Last message ended with me saying I was just explaining my point, and her last message was 'point received'.
Forward to last night and she messages me 'are you still mad at me?', due me having no idea what to say and after a busy day at work I couldn't be bothered to reply. Just received another message from her saying 'cool'.

Now I'm stuck.
We used to talk almost everyday and I won't lie, I have missed talking to her at times, but I haven't been desperate to talk to her either.
I've been doing really well at work and trying to be more social (I would only say I have the two friends that I mention in my previous thread), and I'm going to my works Christmas party next month. Wasn't sure about going as I'm in a temporary position, but hoping to be permanent in February, and I really want to make some new friends so thought why not. General consensus of the last thread was that I WNBU and i need to make new friends.

And now I just have no idea what/if to reply and it just all feels really childish.
Please give me some wise advice mumnetters.
And sorry for the long post, think I've got everything relevant in there!

"She not gherkin"

Haha this had me laughing out loud

I remember your thread. They treated you badly and are still doing so. I'd reply 'I was never mad but hurt and upset' and leave it at that. If she's a decent person she'll apologise profusely and make it up to you. Otherwise ditch and ignore after this.

Send her the number of a taxi firm

Thanks guys. I've responded with:
I'm not mad, but I'm still hurt by what happened and trying to figure it all out. It made me feel like you don't value me as a friend and the way you responded hasn't done anything to change that, so I don't really know where we go from here.

Our friendship feels really uncertain atm, so I guess I'll see what she replies

'Not mad, just disappointed in you'.
Make some new friends op.

Good response OP. She'll either do the decent thing and up her game or confirm that she's a tosser.

I'd have replied, 'Have you apologised yet?'

It is fine to be mad at people who treat you so badly. And to stay mad when they don't apologise. Her passive-aggressive tone has basically made out that you are the one with the problem - i.e. it is up to you to eventually stop being mad with no requirement upon them to do anything. Actually, THEY are the ones who have to take action to repair this.

It'a almost Christmas. They need ferrying about. Give the users the phone number of a taxi service, or BE the taxi service - your choice.

I'd reply "not mad , never was mad , just hurt ! And leave it at that

I honestly wouldn't bother replying. I read your other thread and agree, they are horrible users. You've done so well and absolutely don't need them. They have abused your good nature-

1. They weren't bothered about inviting you out, they were more bothered about you not being available to ferry them around.

1. They haven't listened or purposefully ignoring your feelings.

1. They haven't apologised.

1. It's Christmas coming up, they want a personal taxi and are hoping you haven't realised fully that they're taking the piss and will cave in.

I hope you enjoy your Christmas party

Excellent reply. Her response will tell you all you need to know!

Great response OP. This gives her a chance to put it right. If she doesn't game over.

You sound lovely and I'm sure will make new friends soon.

Oh OP these two were not your friends. They didn't care about you or your feelings at all, just your availability to take them out shopping to which you were then excluded.

Please don't go back to their 'friendship' just because you are feeling a bit lonely, they aren't going to like you more, or even treat you nicer. Please find some new friends, at work, from meet-up groups who genuinely like being with you.

You sound quite vulnerable and they have taken advantage of that. Not friend behaviour.

Send them to Coventry!

Sounds more like they need you because they want to go shopping again and Soon ...

these are not friends Lady

She hasn't replied yet Zeppo? I don't think

Are you still mad is not v apologetic

Oooops just seen she had . Excellent reply op

I agree that wordy replies wont serve you but maybe "was never mad, was hurt" might help in the long run.

I dont have so many friends that i can cut them off easily without a backward glance. Leave it open for her to make it up to you.

I think your response was very good. They aren't your friends. If you upset someone you try hard, and it's very clear that you are, to make things right.

Bit shocked at the response.
She replied:
'I didn’t do anything tho!! Friend invited me to hers and I went. It wasn't my house to invite you to. That’s why I’m so annoyed at it all. You’re annoyed at me & it wasn’t anything to do with me!! I haven’t apologised as I still don’t see that I’ve done anything wrong.
I can’t invite you to someone else’s house- that’s not my position to do so
I tried to include you in the day but you’d decided that you didn’t want to be so any effort I made was to no avail
I text you as well cos I was worried you weren’t ok & you said you were fine. There is literally nothing else I could have done!
Yes I’m sorry you felt left out
But that wasn’t my bad doing!
You know you’re my mate 🙄 doing one thing without you shouldn’t make you think I’m not. If you don’t value me as a friend tho Then I don’t know what to say really'

Feels like she's just turned it around on me, again! And now I also feel like its my fault again. Yes other friend invited her to her house, who I'm also upset with, but they also went out on a night out that she could have invited me to.

OP we all keep saying it but I'm not sure the message is getting through to you. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Stop engaging with them. Walk away. You deserve far better but you need to value yourself! These people don't value you. You're just convenient at times for them. Don't allow yourself to be treated like this and don't dignify their bullsh*t with a reply.

"why, do you need a lift somewhere?"

This is exactly what I was going to say!

I remember your previous threads. They are not friends.

op wv told you these peopl are users not your friends stop trying to please thm and move on

how many times ar you goin g to be treated like a mug

I can see her point with not inviting you to someone else's house. Did they go on the night out from there? Was the night out arranged in conjunction with the house inviting?

The stuff wrt to the shopping trip though is just crap. She is just turning it around on you.

Could it have been more the other friend has left you out? She is the one who didn't invite you over.

I agree with her saying she couldn't invite you to someone else's house