To ask if how you work full time with 4 children?

[streetlife70s]

Posting for traffic mainly but, I have recently had my life turned upside down by an unplanned pregnancy which was not discovered until it was too late to do anything about.

We currently have DS 11, DD9 DD2 and will now have a newborn in January.

I was due to return to work full time in Jan (been doing part time and mum has been having DD2 on work days)

My mum could not cope with a newborn nor DD2 for more than 2 days a week. Nor could she cope with older children every school holiday.

Looked at childcare costs for two little ones full time plus wraparound for DD9. DD11 would have to be alone until DH got home between 2-4pm each day.

We would get almost no help toward childcare costs. (Less than it would cost for all of them for a month)

All my salary plus a significant chuck of husbands would have to go toward it. No idea how we’d manage holidays as the only clubs seem to be sports clubs anyway which DD9 keeps crying about and begging me not to send her when I told her I’m returning to work in Jan.

I can’t afford this baby. I feel so trapped that I can’t seem to change our situation. Tax credits have been capped so won’t get any extra help for this baby. I have worked so hard to get my career off the ground and now feel my life, other than being trapped as a SAHM is over.

Does anyone else manage to work full time with a newborn, toddler and older children? If so how?

(P.S DH is HGV and works 60 hours a week starting between 2 and 3 am so can’t take on any more hours)

Have you looked at nannies? With 2 pre-schoolers and the need for wrap around care, that might well work out cheaper.
Plus it would give you someone about after school for the oldest and solve the holidays problem.

Don’t they have to live with you?

Tough situation. Can one of you afford to stay home or both go part time?

I can’t afford this baby. I feel so trapped that I can’t seem to change our situation. Tax credits have been capped so won’t get any extra help for this baby. I have worked so hard to get my career off the ground and now feel my life, other than being trapped as a SAHM is over

You don't have to have the baby. Plenty of people reach the decision having a baby isn't suitable for their circumstances and don't go through with the pregnancy.

You have options and choices (thank goodness) in this country.

You can get a live out nanny but they are very expensive. with four kids if you're in London you'll be looking to pay at least £12 per hour net which could work out to £14ish per hour gross, plus pension/payroll costs etc. start a discussion on the nannies forum if you want more info.

Live out nanny. Depends on where you are as to what the cost is though. Childminders?

@silverspot the baby is due in two months, whilst I agree with the sentiment it's a bit past that point

No nannies can live in or out. Would you not consider giving up your job? Or could your DH give up his job for a few years? Might work out better. I am sorry you are in a difficult situation.

There should be a comma between "No" and "nannies" !!

Sounds like a horrible situation, I'm so sorry! You say you can't afford the baby and it sounds like you'd have liked a termination if you'd realised earlier, have you thought about adoption? Just exploring your options and wondering what you've considered.

I had a friend at school who was one of four, both parents worked full time. They had a Nanny, she didn’t live with them. So you absolutely don’t have to have a live in Nanny.

Again. I didn’t discover the pregnancy until it was too late. I had a subchronic heamatoma which bled profusely which was mistaken for heavy periods which I was being treated for. I also have only one fallopian tube following complications from sterilisation surgery. The doctors only discovered pregnancy when I started to show. Just to clear that up before anyone else pipes up about ‘options’ I don’t. We now HAVE to find away to support this bloody big family we can’t afford so no. Part time is no option either.

Just looking at nannies. Discovered they can ‘live out’ Anyone else used one? Seems a bit...I don’t know, ‘alien’ to us. Just a normal skilled working class family.

im sorry to hear that youre heavily pregnant and cant afford the baby. Were you forced to continue with the pregnancy? I hope youre ok

Have you both looked at changing jobs for hours that suit? So say one works days and the other nights/evenings?

I’m in a similar situation and I’m planning on returning to work on an agency basis doing only nights when it suits.

I guess the only thing you can do is to apply for benefits and one of you not work, or split up and live seperatly might at least get you your rent paid.

Cross post alisvot thank you 😊

I appreciate the sentiment of trying to make helpful suggestions but c’mon adoption? I am in a loving stable marriage, happy kids, nice home and both professionals (though not in top paying professions) Although I would not have chosen to bring a child into the world I cannot afford, that’s because I love my children and want to provide for them. It does not in any way mean I will not love this baby. As if my children would not be traumatised by me just giving away their sister and my husband would just go ‘yeah let’s give it away for the state to raise’ and as if I’d just give up my baby!!

Come on now. Sensible help please

There is a difference between truly not being able to afford another baby (as in, you wouldn't be able to afford to eat / keep a roof over your heads / clothe yourselves) and not being able to keep the lifestyle you have. If it's the former you have some serious decisions to make (adoption / you working evenings once your husband is back). If it's the latter you will have to seriously adjust your lifestyle for several years until childcare costs drop (i.e. all are at school).
I'm sorry it all sounds very stressful x

My nanny is live out. I would from home so she comes 8.30-5pm. 2 days a week till 5.30. It works excellently. She is brilliant. Mines are 4, 3 and 2 with baby due in Jan.

Work

From what I could see, a live out Nanny was a bit like having a personal childminder. She’d arrive in the morning and do breakfast, school run, then afternoon school run and dinner. I think her annual leave was arranged so it synced with the parents unless she had something come up (personal appointments etc) which didn’t tally.

Could you go self employed? What is it roughly you do now? Is it something which could be altered to fit into a self employed route instead (teaching into private tutoring, nursing into private care work/agency). Even cleaning work? Your 2 year old could go into nursery then

My mum was in this position and it did work out ok in the end. She did give up work but worked from home or in shops and stuff while the youngest was v little, think she went back to work properly when he was about 3 and only him to pay for.

Can you see if you can get any free places for your 2 year old? When is she 3? Will get the 15 hours then which will help a bit if you could condense that.

I would have a think about a nanny - we had one and defo not from a posh background. I’ve used them as well but only as after School care. You could also advertise for a nanny share with another family maybe?

It will come right, but you are in for a tough couple of years. Good luck with the new Baby.

Sorry hit post too soon. Then your mum could have the baby for short periods?

What is your current job? Are the skills transferable? I would be thinking about changing roles to something like teaching assistant/school business manager where you'll get school holidays.

My husband works half the night and half the day, 60 hours per week.

He has to be in bed by 8 otherwise he’d kill someone behind the wheel of his 60 tonne truck.

The job that I am trained for does not do ‘nights’ and an unskilled job would just pay much less which defeats the object.

I am in SE and left London two years ago due to spiralling costs. I will look post on the nanny board as this looks like my best option. Thank you for suggestion.

It’s not a ‘lifestyle’ thing no. Any more time off and it’s a ‘not being able to house ourselves’ or claiming benefits for one of us to stay home. Not in any way making a judgement on anyone else but for me and how I feel it would be my worst nightmare, stuck at home full time, going cap in hand for government help.