To ask if how you work full time with 4 children?

[streetlife70s]

Posting for traffic mainly but, I have recently had my life turned upside down by an unplanned pregnancy which was not discovered until it was too late to do anything about.

We currently have DS 11, DD9 DD2 and will now have a newborn in January.

I was due to return to work full time in Jan (been doing part time and mum has been having DD2 on work days)

My mum could not cope with a newborn nor DD2 for more than 2 days a week. Nor could she cope with older children every school holiday.

Looked at childcare costs for two little ones full time plus wraparound for DD9. DD11 would have to be alone until DH got home between 2-4pm each day.

We would get almost no help toward childcare costs. (Less than it would cost for all of them for a month)

All my salary plus a significant chuck of husbands would have to go toward it. No idea how we’d manage holidays as the only clubs seem to be sports clubs anyway which DD9 keeps crying about and begging me not to send her when I told her I’m returning to work in Jan.

I can’t afford this baby. I feel so trapped that I can’t seem to change our situation. Tax credits have been capped so won’t get any extra help for this baby. I have worked so hard to get my career off the ground and now feel my life, other than being trapped as a SAHM is over.

Does anyone else manage to work full time with a newborn, toddler and older children? If so how?

(P.S DH is HGV and works 60 hours a week starting between 2 and 3 am so can’t take on any more hours)

You will find a way around this. A full time live out nanny sounds ideal and you will have your holidays covered as well.

Your mother can then step in on a need to basis, rather than being leaned on too much, and you will have her there for emergencies.

She can also pop in and check things are going well with new nanny from time to time. Start interviewing and see whether you get on with one or two and they can start whilst you are still at home so will understand your routines and how you would like things done.

I have 4. At one stage I was paying for 3 at daycare (closer in age than yours).

Sounds like you have some support from your mother which is more than a lot of people (myself included). Start with a discussion about what she is comfortable providing in terms of childcare. If she could pick up the older dc from school and mind them until you can collect the younger ones even a couple of days a week that would be great.

Same with holidays, she may agree to watch the dc a certain number of days and then you take leave for the rest between you and your dh.

It might be quite expensive to start, but once the newborn goes to nursery and pre school things will ease off, and certainly by the time they are all at school things should be easier.

I think the fact your husband is back at 4pm and your Mum is around will make you very desirable to a nanny! Try asking around on local Facebook type pages at first

I work in childrens services in a skilled place that required a specialised degree for. Can’t do self employed. Lower paid work would mean we couldn’t afford it all ourselves. Thank you all for the nany idea. This seems like the best and least complicated fit and solves the holiday and newborn problems which feel like the greatest hurdle.

It will definitely work but may well cost more than you earn - helps to think of half of it coming out of your husband's salary.

I work close enough to full time and have four from 11 down to 3 years old. As has been mentioned, the most cost effective solution was to have a nanny. They also (usually) do the children's washing and keep the children's rooms tidy too, which for me is an absolute godsend.

I've recently been lucky enough to be able to adjust my hours to doing three fewer, but coming in early on two days a week (breakfast club or DH) and leaving in time for school pickup which reduces the amount of childcare we need. Before that the childcare costs pretty much matched my salary, so I understand all too well! Still, the washing was getting done

Like you I wondered if I could pull it off, but I've been back at work (took several years out to be a SAHM) for nearly two years now and so far so good.

I work full time with 4 kids but they are all teenagers now which makes things easier ( although still very hard to juggle appointments/ parents eves/ school events etc). I could not have done it when they were little as childcare costs would have been extortionate. When they were little I have always worked part time ( between 16-30 hours a week) doing nights and weekends around by dh's work. I have gradually built up my hours as they got older. It has only been in the last year since the youngest went to secondary school that I have been able to do a 9-5 job three days a week alongside 15 hours in my shiftwork job.

Sorry to highlight when money is an issue but your DH's hours could/should be reduced - you have stated you are in UK & your DH works 60 hours driving a 60 tonne truck - which means he cannot opt out of EU working time directive.
www.gov.uk/maximum-weekly-working-hours/weekly-maximum-working-hours-and-opting-out

What about an au pair - like a nanny but cheaper.

Cheaper as they have no childcare skills but would suit the older kids who really only need a responsible adult.

Hmm - I think au pairs generally live in though.

iseen his Taco graph ensures all those hours are not driving. HGV work is more than sitting behind a wheel al day you know!

Really pleased to read positive nanny stories from those who have managed it thank you.

Ok think calmly.

You will get 52 weeks of maternity leave. So you do t need childcare till then. A 12 and 10 year old don't need childcare if dad is home by 2-4pm. A 3yo will get funding for part time hours so you will only need to pay for 1 1/2 nursery/childminder places and then within 2 years 1 full time and one after school place. That's no where near as bad as people with close gaps who have 4x nursery fees to pay.

Also you do have 2 'free' days when your mum has the toddler.

Also you need to do several income maximisation checks to see how much tax credits you will be entitled to each year. Remember they are calculated per tax year so you need to do separate calculations for this year 17/18 and 18/19 and 19/20. Maternity pay is only partially counted as pay for tax credits purposes so you may be entitled to more than you think. Also if you are paying for childcare the income level to claim is actually quite high!

I don't have 4, but one thing you might consider is working term time only and staggering your hours so one of you goes to work early and comes home early and one goes later and comes home later.

To do the school run, I go to work earlier and my dh does the drop off and then I collect her and he worked until about 5. Currently, we just pay for holiday club time (expensive), but with 2 (or 4), I aim to probably work term time only or some mix of it. It's not an option everywhere, but many employers will work out flexible working arrangements. In my field, term time only is very common, particularly as the summer months aren't very busy for us. Obviously, it means a cut in income, but with more than one, for most the cut will be made up for by the childcare savings.

You should have access to tax free childcare and at 3, your toddler can get 30 funded hours given you are working, which helps a lot financially.

We have four under 10. I just quit my job to be a sahm.

Au pairs are completely untrained and can only work a certain number of hours a week, which is unlikely to be enough for you to return to work. Besides, how comfortable would you be leaving a newborn and a 2-year-old with a teenager/early 20-something who might not speak good English, might not know the area, etc. An au pair is supposed to be a member of the family who helps out with light household duties - not as a substitute for a nanny/childminder.

I agree that a live out nanny sounds like your best option. Put your feelings of 'Its not for the likes of us' to one side and accept that this is what you need if you are to return to work. Either that, or accept that you're going to be a SAHM for the foreseeable future.

Au pairs have to live in as you don't pay them enough to cover their rent.

We had a live out nanny (shared with another couple which may not work for you). It worked a dream. She arrived at 8.30 and left at 6. Did all childcare and some housekeeping.

It's expensive though. Our nanny could be self employed because she was shared across 2 families, but when you hire someone for your family only, you have to be her legal employers, which is more expensive for you.

Sounds like it might be worth it though.

Just to reassure you op, I had a childminder who came to our house when I was a kid- I didn’t realise that was unusual now. she started when I was 4 and stayed till I was 12. I adored her and it was a really positive influence on my childhood. You can do this :)

Have you considered adoption?

I’ve not long come off maternity leave and gone into part time so don’t think I could start all again.

Not sure about leaving 10 & 12 year old alone at home for 6 weeks in summer hols is great even if it’s just till 3pm approx? I can see it will get easier but im 40 now and need to crack on with work now realistically.

What about an au pair - like a nanny but cheaper

Au pairs are nothing at all like nannies, although unscrupulous people do try to take advantage of them in that way. Au pairs should not be left in sole charge of babies and are only supposed to work up to 25 hours a week. And they live in.

Just taken up the spare room for the new nursery so no to au pair. It’s the first couple of years that look to be the killer.

I’ve had nannies. I’ve also had friends who I thought would make good Nannies and have done their first Nanny jobs for me. This has worked well, compared to a full time professional nanny they have more flexibility. Still not cheap as you are their employer and have to do PAYE, tax, NI and pension.

Deep breath. As pp have said you'll be on mat leave for a while so you do have time.
One of my colleagues has a childminder who comes to the house. Brilliant as she can leave house with kids mid breakfast and in pj's.
Another colleague has a half time live out nannie shared with another family. Duties include all kids laundry, cleaning kids rooms and changing beds, homework, lunchboxes.
You might not want all that doing of course. But it helps you with work and with keeping on top of other tasks.

Good luck. This shall all pass and the much loved ministreet4 will be in reception and you can work term-time.

I have 4. Youngest just started secondary school.

We're in the SE and having a nanny as it was the only way I could realistically return to work. We have ds - aged 2 and dd arriving in February. Neither dh nor I had a nanny growing up, so it was new for us. We found her through an agency (one-off £1000 fee). She works 44 hours per week (11 hours a day, 4 day week) and is paid (gross) £14.14 p/h. Overall she costs us about £36,000 p/a. But if you factor in costs such as employers insurance, nanny's pension, and paying an agency to run pay-roll for us, it's definitely £37,000 p/a.

So, it's expensive and takes up most of my after-tax salary. But she's brilliant. Ds loves her. Dh and I are totally reliant on her. She leaves food for dh and I on the hob every night for when we get in from work. And she covers everything for ds - this week she has gone to buy everything we need for potty training, made cupcakes for ds to take into nursery for children in need (as well as all his laundry, tidying his toys, making all his meals and the other usual stuff) ... and she's dropped off dry-cleaning for me, taken dh's shoes to the cobblers to be mended, and gone to the supermarket twice to pick up stuff I forgot.

If I could pay her £100k p/a I would!

Good luck op, it'll be fine.

And congrats