To ask if how you work full time with 4 children?

[streetlife70s]

Posting for traffic mainly but, I have recently had my life turned upside down by an unplanned pregnancy which was not discovered until it was too late to do anything about.

We currently have DS 11, DD9 DD2 and will now have a newborn in January.

I was due to return to work full time in Jan (been doing part time and mum has been having DD2 on work days)

My mum could not cope with a newborn nor DD2 for more than 2 days a week. Nor could she cope with older children every school holiday.

Looked at childcare costs for two little ones full time plus wraparound for DD9. DD11 would have to be alone until DH got home between 2-4pm each day.

We would get almost no help toward childcare costs. (Less than it would cost for all of them for a month)

All my salary plus a significant chuck of husbands would have to go toward it. No idea how we’d manage holidays as the only clubs seem to be sports clubs anyway which DD9 keeps crying about and begging me not to send her when I told her I’m returning to work in Jan.

I can’t afford this baby. I feel so trapped that I can’t seem to change our situation. Tax credits have been capped so won’t get any extra help for this baby. I have worked so hard to get my career off the ground and now feel my life, other than being trapped as a SAHM is over.

Does anyone else manage to work full time with a newborn, toddler and older children? If so how?

(P.S DH is HGV and works 60 hours a week starting between 2 and 3 am so can’t take on any more hours)

Good luck OP. I meant to say before that I was 13 when my brother was born and my parents had it really hard for a while and as kids we were aware there wasn’t much spare cash but I don’t really remember us ever resenting it or anything like that, so don’t worry about your kids. We were thrilled to have a baby around and he has brought so much joy to us all, none of us could imagine a world without Baby brother! Long term you’re going to be so please this surprise baby came along.

OP good luck and indeed congratulations! Another thing to think about is going after promotions when you return to work to make working pay. I have more than doubled my income in 5 years from pushing very hard and all the increases at first went on childcare. Now the DC are that little bit older other expenses kick in and it isn't a problem to afford it.

How could anyone entertain the idea of adoption, to someone in a stable relationship, with three other children, what a horrific thought or suggestion

A nanny does sound like a great option, or your DM for the baby and the 30 free hours for the 3 year old when you go back to work.
Good luck!

You don't need 6 weeks of childcare in the summer.

The older 2 can be at your mums surely the 2 days pwk she has your 2yo? So that's 6 x 3 day weeks to cover, so 18 days which you and dh can alternate as your annual leave. It's not ideal but if moneys tight you can't have a family holiday anyway.

Also check if your employer does childcare vouchers, they are good for people above the tax credit limit.

You really don't need an expensive nanny!

Have nothing to add really @streetlife70s but just wanted to say congratulations
I’m also pregnant and due in Jan with baby no 4. I work in a nursery but only term time, and my husband is also a HGV driver - and can be away part of the week or even for 2-3 weeks sometimes, it’s one of those jobs that nothing fits in/around isn’t it!! Hope everything goes well, if you want to PM I’m happy to talk x

Mumsnet Nannies board is a useful place to post for more information about nannies - I tend to look there, just happened to come across your post.

Do look at what funding is available. HMRC booklet WTC5 is the one to read about tax credits... they are capped though.

Tax-Free Childcare is new, has some teething trouble but when it works it does save parents up to 20% of their childcare cost. With four children you can get up to £8000 (but childcare cost would have to be £40,000 to get that).

As a nanny I have worked for a family with 4 children. It can be a viable childcare option but there can be issues that would need to be overcome. Transportation can be tricky - I’ve had such fun juggling car seat combinations to get them to fit in my car. Tends to be practical things which you are facing yourself anyway - how to transport everyone, how to entertain children of a large age range. Older children can love helping with younger siblings but the novelty of a baby can wear off and older children need to have lots of attention just like a baby but in different ways. It’s just a juggling act which you have become very good at but someone new to it may take a while to learn.

Au pair.... the baby doesn’t need its own room.

You really don't seem to be able to afford this baby. Think about adoption.

Make sure you get reliable birth control after this one.

Move up north! Much cheaper housing.

You're going to find a way forward. You'll get free childcare for your toddler when they are 3, I think? Sorry if repeating pp.

I'm quite shocked by the numbers of posters suggesting adoption....

It seems a rather extreme, permanent solution to what is essentially a childcare dilemma?

I'm not against adoption at all but honestly, I can't even begin to imagine the trauma of giving up a newborn baby.

Op...I'm sure you'll manage, a childminder with your mum as back up sounds like a good bet to me.

Wow Streetlife, what a threadyou’ve ruffled some feathers!
Congratulations I hope all goes well in January. I have four and have worked full/part time. Worst time I had was when I was a sahm You’ll work it out

Hi, I just wanted to offer encouragement - I have 4 children and work full time. DH and I have no parents around.

Mine are now 13, 11, 9 and 8, so it was really expensive when they were 1, 2, 4 and 5!!!! We did a mix of everything imaginable - I have been on unpaid leave, SAHM, but mostly worked part-time then full time and also a lot of working from home. We've done nannies (x3) over the years with different degrees of success. When they were older we also had "helpers" e.g. local students (uni) wanting to help for an hour or two in the evenings. We have also done nurseries (lots) and after school care. We have even used taxis for school runs!

All in all I would say it gets easier and better as they are older. Now we mainly use after school care and taxi/buses. We've had ups and downs but in the end so far it's worked out ok. We are skint but that's life.

Childminders were never practical for us as we had too many children and most childminders around here only had room for 1 or 2 max.
Hope it works out for you x

Good luck, OP! And congratulations! Nanny seems like the way to go.

Some absolutely shocking responses on here tonight...

I work pt. Younger kids went to daycare and older ones breakfast club and afterschools. I cover holidays with my own holidays and dh holidays and only use summer scheme in the summer. All my wages and some of my husbands went on childcare until youngest started school. We made.it work as it was more important that I kept my job for long term prospects

samebasicsize read the fucking thread.

Failed sterlisation surgery.

Congratulations firstly and secondly, I just wanted to offer some words from the coal face as it were. I'm a mum to 4 children who are now 13, 12, 4 and 2. I work full time (eye wateringly long hours) and am also a single parent. Childcare was very very expensive up until September when my 4 year old started school. I used nursery and had some of the staff there babysitting too to cover early starts/late finishes. Some help from my mum although she wouldn't have the two younger ones together.
It felt a bit impossible to start with but there is an amazing resilience to be drawn on when it comes to finding a way to provide for your children. It sounds like you are very determined and I hope things work out. Genuinely, it does get better each year so please take the good advice to plan in two year chunks as childcare arrangements will of course change.

Good luck