To ask if how you work full time with 4 children?

[streetlife70s]

Posting for traffic mainly but, I have recently had my life turned upside down by an unplanned pregnancy which was not discovered until it was too late to do anything about.

We currently have DS 11, DD9 DD2 and will now have a newborn in January.

I was due to return to work full time in Jan (been doing part time and mum has been having DD2 on work days)

My mum could not cope with a newborn nor DD2 for more than 2 days a week. Nor could she cope with older children every school holiday.

Looked at childcare costs for two little ones full time plus wraparound for DD9. DD11 would have to be alone until DH got home between 2-4pm each day.

We would get almost no help toward childcare costs. (Less than it would cost for all of them for a month)

All my salary plus a significant chuck of husbands would have to go toward it. No idea how we’d manage holidays as the only clubs seem to be sports clubs anyway which DD9 keeps crying about and begging me not to send her when I told her I’m returning to work in Jan.

I can’t afford this baby. I feel so trapped that I can’t seem to change our situation. Tax credits have been capped so won’t get any extra help for this baby. I have worked so hard to get my career off the ground and now feel my life, other than being trapped as a SAHM is over.

Does anyone else manage to work full time with a newborn, toddler and older children? If so how?

(P.S DH is HGV and works 60 hours a week starting between 2 and 3 am so can’t take on any more hours)

We have three. For childcare the two in school (ages 4 and 6) go to morning and aftercare. The youngest goes to daycare. We have a sitter who works at DD2s daycare pick up the younger two at 3:30pm and bring them home. It works really well for our family and keeps the cost down because our daycare is significantly cheaper than the others in town.

An au pair could be a solution though in about a year’s time.

So baby would in nursery, dd then 3yo in preschool and with your mum some of the afternoons (or all if she can cope), older children dropped and picked up by au pair.
Hols more complicated but could be a mix of you and your DH taking different hols to cover them as well as older dcs staying with the au pair for some of the time in the day (if as you say you can have someone at home by 3.00pm)

In effect, it will require quite. Abit of juggling and organisation. And for your DH to be fully on board regarding his input in parenting/looking after the dcs/cooking/cleaning.

Live out nanny for sure. It’s a big thing where I live. They come in, do school run or whatever, take babies to playgroup etc, pick up older kids from school & make dinner. Some families do nanny share which is cheaper, but maybe not if she’s looking after 4 children!

Sorry, pressed send too soon.

I would look at a childminder close to you that can take care of the morning school run for elder DC so it's one person managing all.

Hope this all works out for you. When thinking about the financial side I think you need to view it in 2 year phases, as I think what you need / what could work out will change sequentially. So, the next 2 years, live out nanny sounds ideal, may be pricey, but also an "investment" in allowing you to get your career on track if that is what you need. The following 2 years, no. 3 is in school and will need holiday cover - but your eldest will be 13+ and potentially old enough to start filling in some of the gaps a little, and the 2 eldest will be able to be left on their own together for increasing amounts of time. If accomodation permits then an au pair may become appropriate during this phase. Then when your youngest gets to school, your older ones will definitely be able to do some holiday time, and also help more around the house, so a good after school club and some holiday clubs may start to be enough. As your older ones head for exam years you may need to think thoughtfully about balancing their contribution with supporting them.

Sounds tough but nevertheless doable. You will be setting your children a great example that will hopefully stay with them in their own lives. Good luck finding the right balance for your family.

Could you possibly stagger your holidays for the six weeks so you either have two weeks each separately or overlap them so you all have a week off together and then one of you have the week before and the other the week after and in the half terms take a couple of days each. Congratulations too x

Is your husband contracted? if so it may be worth him going to self employed and doing various jobs for several different employers. There are some drivers i know that are sub contracted to several different agencies and they claim to only work 30 hours, get tax credits and then claim the rest of their wages dividends. It is questionable in terms of morals but apparently totally legal. Other wise tramping often pays more but that would mean him being away 3-14 days at a time

Good luck OP. I also think a nanny or if you have space, an au pair would help massively.

Years maternity leave then

Baby to nursery or childminder
Toddler doing free hours at nursery

Aupair drops and picks up toddler from nursery and spends time with toddler until DH gets home and covers school holidays with you and your DH taking annual leave and your mum and Dad stepping in to help where possible

You might have to squash your kids together for a couple of years but that's the most workable solution. It will cost you nursery fees plus about £100 a week for an aupair

Thank you to everyone who has given me really detailed and helpful advice. I feel much more hopeful it’s doable. Shame I had to sift through the ‘adopt / abort’ crap from people who didn’t RTFT.

Hi I'm a nanny if you would like to ask any questions feel free to message me x

Another benefit to having a nanny is that they can take the children to after school clubs etc so they don't miss out. Like you, I thought it "wouldn't be for me" and it did feel a bit weird to begin with - but then I considered how much more regular childcare would cost us with four and it's an absolute steal in comparison.

Ours is live out btw.

I used a nanny for my 3 and she was amazing. Worked so well. She was with us for 4 years and still babysits every now and then.
There are lots of agencies who could help you find a nanny. We found childcare.co.uk was a useful website. You should be able to find people in your local area on there.
I thought I seemed impossibly when we unexpectedly found out we were expecting our 3rd. My youngest was only 10 weeks old. It all worked out in the end and we wouldn’t change anything. I am sure it will all work out for you too. Good luck

Thanks Mrssunshine I’ve pmd you.

I’m a nanny for 4 children. 2 at school and 2 at home. I’m going off on maternity leave so my employers are working out what to do and they’re saying to put all 4 kids in nursery would be Mum’s entire salary (they are high earners) so having a Nanny works out an awful lot cheaper. You’re not paying per child like you would in a nursery

*Good luck op, it'll be fine.

And congrats*

Thank you!!! I appreciate that as when you get to number 4 people tend to stop congratulating you

I know a few people who have live out nannies. For 4 children it definitely sounds like the best option. I hope you can make it work financially, you are right to want to hang onto your career, I'd feel exactly the same.

All the best for your new baby, I bet your older children will be so excited.

Thank you Jackie. Yes they are so excited. We all are now the shock has worn off, despite the huge obstacles I’m determined to make it work.

Hey I have 4, aged 11 months, 3 years, 6 years and 8 years. I work 28 hours per week but mostly do an extra shift taking it to 40 hours. I took a year for mat leave, which enabled the toddler to move into the thirty hours free band.... And that makes a huge difference. My extra shift is always at the weekend so I don't work on Thursday or Friday. The toddlers preschool also does breakfast club so I drop elder three there in the morning. The preschool will keep toddler to six. I have mum school friends who I pay to pick up and feed elder children. I give them a couple of hundred a month. The kids love it. My friends are sahm and it enables them to pay for their kids to have music lessons... So that works well. My mil has the baby for three days a week (incredibly lucky I know). Overall I pay about two forty a month in childcare. There is alot of running about but it works and I keep telling myself that they aren't little for long. I know you aren't keen on taking a long mat leave but if you can manage to get your toddler to three it will make a massive financial difference. Good luck, having 4 is a total whirlwind but it is also really really wonderful.

You will get through it and look back and think how the hell did we? But you will. Xx

I've not read the whole thread but have you looked into childminders?

Could you find a job part time evenings or for part of a weekend which would generate some income and save you from needing child care? I worked full time with 2 children from 8 weeks old. We had a live in nanny to begin with but later had a school with facilities for early drop off and late collection. In the holidays DH and I would take some of our leave one at a time, my mother would come down for a week here and there and I got a student in for the summer. I run a care service and we employ quite a few people on evening only contracts, plus some hours every other weekend.

Hi there. We only have 3. I have used all forms of childcare while juggling part time then full time work. If you look at it as a not forever cost then it is more bearable - even when you are paying out all of your income to start with! But I looked at it as an investment in our futures as once the childcare costs started going down we had more money coming in. Plus all that time I was getting pension contributions from my employer and keeping my professional development going.

When I went back to work after dc3 - I did 4 full days a week. Nanny had DS aged 2 all day and took DDs aged 5 and 6 yo to and from school and had them in the holidays or if off school sick. When DS started school in Reception it co-incided with Nanny wanting to train as a TA. I changed my days slightly and she worked for us 2 days a week and as a TA on the other days. Eventually she decided she wanted to be a Nanny to a young family again and left us.

All 3 were at school by then and we found a lovely childminder who picked the kids up from school. She only wanted term time work though so the kids went to holiday clubs in the holidays or we took time off work.

As DC got older we moved to before and after school club at their school. All 3 are now at secondary and I finally have no childcare costs except occasional holiday clubs.

The first 2 years were the most costly. We used childcare vouchers throughout this time. The nanny was registered for them as was the childminder and after school club.

I did read the original post (I didn’t see it mention you’d considered adoption) and the rest of the thread. You seemed quite upset and despairing like you really didn’t want the baby.

I’d come back here with some more suggestions and a way to assist with benefits.
But since you had to read my “crap” asking if you’d considered adoption I won’t waste my time! If you ever want to take a swipe at me again I suggest you do it directly rather than write passive aggressive comments.

the baby is due in two month

ah, missed that! Yes bit late for anything other than making the best of it!