To ask if how you work full time with 4 children?

[streetlife70s]

Posting for traffic mainly but, I have recently had my life turned upside down by an unplanned pregnancy which was not discovered until it was too late to do anything about.

We currently have DS 11, DD9 DD2 and will now have a newborn in January.

I was due to return to work full time in Jan (been doing part time and mum has been having DD2 on work days)

My mum could not cope with a newborn nor DD2 for more than 2 days a week. Nor could she cope with older children every school holiday.

Looked at childcare costs for two little ones full time plus wraparound for DD9. DD11 would have to be alone until DH got home between 2-4pm each day.

We would get almost no help toward childcare costs. (Less than it would cost for all of them for a month)

All my salary plus a significant chuck of husbands would have to go toward it. No idea how we’d manage holidays as the only clubs seem to be sports clubs anyway which DD9 keeps crying about and begging me not to send her when I told her I’m returning to work in Jan.

I can’t afford this baby. I feel so trapped that I can’t seem to change our situation. Tax credits have been capped so won’t get any extra help for this baby. I have worked so hard to get my career off the ground and now feel my life, other than being trapped as a SAHM is over.

Does anyone else manage to work full time with a newborn, toddler and older children? If so how?

(P.S DH is HGV and works 60 hours a week starting between 2 and 3 am so can’t take on any more hours)

nice Lemon, really nice

Yes, the OP is coming across super nice here isn't she?

Seriously had enough of posters who come asking for advice, get a range of responses then spit their dummies out at responses they don't agree with instead of calmly responding or just plain ignoring it. Even having a go at posters who didn't notice how far gone the pregnancy was, is there any need? My post will be deleted anyway but it needs saying

Adoption? Splitting up? Some crazy impractical suggestions on this thread!

Think a live out nanny is the best option for a while. We have One it works well and covers the school aged kids too. We have a nanny payroll company to do her taxes which costs £150 pa and have employers liability through our home insurance so the admin isn’t masses of hassle. It can work.

The op has seemed fine to me, a little frustrated by people not reading her posts properly but not unpleasant considering she must be very stressed.

Pop a chip on your other shoulder to balance yourself out Lemon

Adoption is an enormous leap when we're talking about a stable, settled family. I'm not surprised the OP was a bit touchy about that suggestion, I'd have been horrified.

Horrified by a suggestion, that you don't have to take? In a place where you're seeking suggestions?

I got the strong impression if she'd have found out earlier she'd have terminated. And she can't afford it. And doesn't know how she's gonna cope. The topic of adoption is not an unreasonable one to bring up when someone is posting about those circumstances. Nobody is forcing the OP to do it or even respond to it, yet she can't help but keep going on about it pages later? No wonder people are nervous to offer advice in AIBU when they get slated for one the op doesn't like.

You'd be surprised at how many people do go down the adoption route with babies they genuinely can't afford
They really don't. It is vanishingly rare in this day and age.
The vast majority of children who need an adoptive home these days are those whose parents are unable to parent any child and who have no choice, because the children are removed.
I'm an adoptive parent and I officially give you the "clueless poster of the week" award.

I have a live out nanny, she is great and worth the money BUT I earn a high salary by most standards (I only work two days a week) and my take home pay does not cover much more than her salary each month. The admin is not a huge burden but there is quite a lot that needs to be done, paying the nanny each month, payroll, arranging a pension, quarterly tax bill.

A childminder is likely to be a more affordable solution if you have only one child at home. I couldn't see the age of your DD2.

Lemon you seem lacking in sense and tact to say the least. It was clear from the op's first post that the baby was non negotiable. Seriously how many women do you know with older children who could put those kids through seeing them heavily pregnant and then giving their sibling away? It was a ridiculous suggestion from those who made it and the op has the right to say so.

This may be helpful to the OP, but out of interest aren't nanny's expensive? I'm surprised by how many people have/had them that's all. What's the average weekly cost does anyone know?

You’ll have to use both yours and DH’s annual leave cover school holidays and make the use of holidays clubs for the remainder. DC don’t have to like it but needs must.

LemonShark do you really think the OP had no prior knowledge of the concept of adoption? Did you think when you came along to suggest it the OP might go: "Oh! People give up babies so other people can take them on? Well I never! I might have to consider that!"

Or did you think it would somehow give the OP 'permission' to say "OK I'm going to give up my newborn?

Adoption in the OP's circumstances just doesn't happen.

You'd be surprised at how many people do go down the adoption route with babies they genuinely can't afford

I doubt any of us would be surprised since the number is pretty much none.
I doubt you could find one single adoption that was a baby of married parents with other children, who are not known to SS. In fact I'd put money on it.

OP, is a compressed week for you an option? Or your DH doing part of his job at weekends? That would considerably cut down the days on which you need childcare.

@oddmanout depending on where you are in the country £10 - 15 per hour, times the number of hours you need, remember to cover your commuting time. Plus payroll, kitty, petrol if applicable and nanny's pension Contribution. All out of your already taxed income.

If you want see what a prick looks like lemon, don't linger on the thread. Look In the mirror.

Nanny costs full time would be huge. 2 days a week at £12 an hour costs us about £1200 a month including tax.

You could factor in tax free childcare - government pays 20%, that is, if you ever manage to get signed up. There's a calculator you can do to see if you will be eligible

Get your contraception sorted sharpish - you don't want a number 5!!

lemon please stop trying to push an alternative agenda. Adoption is not common and as PP said not at all common from married couples with DC.

When i went back to work after DC3 we hired a live out Nanny. DD1 was just starting school and DD2 was just starting preschool. DS1 was 9 months old.
We hired her 100% for our kids at first but it became an option to "share" her when the two DD's were at school/preschool. This made a huge difference to our childcare outgoings. We combined with another local family to have our nanny look after their DS as well as our DD2 and DS1 during school time.
Once DD2 started school, we were able to include a third family in she share. In the end we were paying only 40% of nanny's salary of 20k (gross).

We paid for her to register with OFSTED which means we could use childcare vouchers and i believe with the new childcare account, the gov will contribute up to £2k per year per child under 16 for childcare which could be very helpful for you.

Good luck! DS1 blindsided me too.

The irony is the frustration rightfully detected in my post when I complained about people suggesting ‘options’ after not reading the thread was actually not aimed at Lemon at all, it was at Silver who said ‘luckily I had options in this country’ which was upsetting as I am 31 weeks pregnant.

I can see how Lemon thought this was aimed at her as I see she also said the word ‘options’. I did give a response later to her suggestion of taking the adoption route and said I appreciated the suggestion was meant to help but ‘c’mon that’s a bit silly’ kind of response. Didn’t think anything I said in that post was particularly offensive or rude.

I really don’t think that deserves being told to shut the fuck up, being called a prick and twat.

The irony of being told I’M throwing my toys out the pram though

Congratulations on your baby.

Sounds like a nanny may be the way to go. If that works out too expensive, how about a nanny share with another local family? Or is dropping your hours or working flexi-time an option? Or taking a career break till youngest goes to school (not the same as deciding to be permanent SAHM which you said you don't want to do: you could use the time to plan for your return to work, look into options for part-time courses etc to increase earnings once you go back to work if your sector offers any opportunities like that?)

Lemon, your post is incredibly distasteful. You call a pregnant woman a prick and a twat? Tell her to shut the fuck up- on her thread?

Sorry I can’t answer all questions as going to leave thread now but I am going to look at nanny costs in my area first, looking at extended maternity and will read back over all the suggestions on here over the next week or so and do some more sums.
Thank you for the lovely positive stories as well as suggestions.