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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable to think it unacceptable that someone else’s child lied to me?

113 replies

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 18:49

Probably sounds ridiculous. This child came for dinner and then had a chocolate for pudding and asked for another, I said yes, but then she pretended she hadn’t had the first (i.e. so she wanted two). My daughter surprised, said ‘But I saw you eating it’. Friend said ‘No, I didn’t.’ Anyway, I let her have another and then just to check even though I too was certain I had seen her eating one, counted the spaces! (petty, who me?!). I said a bit later, ‘I counted the chocolates, an extra one has gone’. I pretended to blame my own daughter and my toddler (even though I’d seen the friend eat the wretched chocolate). But still she didn’t admit. It was all quite jovial and we were all smiling. My DH told me (not in front of them) to stop it and that I was being unreasonable and that she’s only 6 (nearly 7) and that it is perfectly normal. Is it? To persistently lie even though two people have seen you eating it? They then asked if they could have biscuits and I said (again trying to sound jokey) ‘Not unless I find out who had the chocolate!’ Then both friend and dd came up to me and said ‘We both did’ (they didn’t as there was only one missing). Anyway, I let them both have a biscuit. But DH is pretty angry with me and says that I was unkind and unreasonable and making the friend feel uncomfortable. Was I? Really?

OP posts:
Wiggypudding · 15/11/2017 18:51

I agree with your DH. It was a solitary chocolate, it's hardly like she stole money from your purse

Phosphorus · 15/11/2017 18:51

For the sake of a chocolate, yes, you were.

I can not understand why some people are so prissy with food.

FriendlyMartas · 15/11/2017 18:52

You sound unhinged

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 18:53

Ok,you're an unfamiliar adult telling a child off.thats a powerful dynamic
Of course kid know she ate the chocolate but will probably lie,just to deflect the shame/guilt/embarrassment
I’m afrarid you’ve made far too big a deal of it,for an low end inocuous misdemeanour

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 15/11/2017 18:53

I think you probably made the little girl feel very uncomfortable to be honest. No wonder she didn't come clean. I personally couldn't get worked up about this sort of thing, it wasn't a big lie and it was only 1 little chocolate.

WillowWeeping · 15/11/2017 18:54

Massive overreaction

DeadGood · 15/11/2017 18:54

Good lord OP. Poor kid. Unclench, please!

NamasteNiki · 15/11/2017 18:54

She is a young child. It is one chocolate.

I cannot believe you counted them and I feel sorry for your children if you are like that with them.

There was no malice intended she just wanted another and she is a kid that is what they do.

Xeneth88 · 15/11/2017 18:54

Completely agree with your DH.

Grumpbum · 15/11/2017 18:55

Poor kid

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 18:55

Oh dear. I did wonder if I were unhinged. Though in my defence it is the lying not the chocolate. I couldn't give two hoots about that - the more that are eaten, the less I can have.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 15/11/2017 18:55

Who can be that bothered about a sodding chocolate?

If she had stone money from your purse fine, but it was a chocolate your dh is right are being daft and rather unkind!

Shock fucking horror sometimes dc tell silly little lies

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 15/11/2017 18:55

Overreaction on your part, especially to go on about it. she was prob scared to come clean

Slartybartfast · 15/11/2017 18:56

I think I would be as clenched as the op.

Olicity17 · 15/11/2017 18:56

Yabu. This is all way over the top.

ColonelJackONeil · 15/11/2017 18:56

I don't think you were being unkind but you can't treat other people's children in the way you might treat your own. Your own child knows you won't be really mean to them for initially lying if they own up, but the other child might be scared you would tell them off badly. It would be better to say straight off I know you had one chocolate already but I will let you have a second as you are a visitor.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 15/11/2017 18:57

Oh Honestly!

You say..."I saw you eat it, monkey!"...then give them both an extra chocolate on account of friends creativity/brass neck.

This is not a huge deal.

steppemum · 15/11/2017 18:57

overreaction.

I find with younger children that it is pointless to ask 'did you eat it' etc and make them own up.
I just let them know that I know (if it matters at all) and say - well you have had one, but you may have a second one, and then leave it, and don't get into any discussions about it.

Starlighter · 15/11/2017 18:57

She’s just a child, a cheeky child, but still a child - and someone else’s at that. I probably would’ve left it tbh...

Fruitcocktail6 · 15/11/2017 18:59

YABU. I don't even really understand why you counted the spaces, you already said at the start of the op that she had one for pudding, then asked for another. So you knew she had two.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 15/11/2017 18:59

You sound like my mother used to about that sort of thing. She's extremely controlling. I rarely see her now.

Namechangetempissue · 15/11/2017 18:59

Bloody hell OP. She is 6 and it is a chocolate. Unclench. You probably made her feel she couldn't say anything as you made such a big deal out of it.

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 19:00

No, I'm not like that with my own children because they don't do that - I dare say i would be if they did. I suppose this took me totally by surprise as I've never encountered anyone lying about something that was there for all to see. And, I didn't exactly tell her off - I blamed my own two children

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 15/11/2017 19:00

You behaved ridiculously! If you knew she had eaten you should have just said "You have already had one don't tell fibs" and sent her on her way. There is something quite bullying about your behaviour which is far worse than a small lie from a 6 year old.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 19:00

Put this in context,she’s a small child.you're the adult with the power
She lied as a defence mechanism,and you overreacted and kept asking
Really,you don’t need this explained you overreacted in harsh maybe scary way