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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable to think it unacceptable that someone else’s child lied to me?

113 replies

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 18:49

Probably sounds ridiculous. This child came for dinner and then had a chocolate for pudding and asked for another, I said yes, but then she pretended she hadn’t had the first (i.e. so she wanted two). My daughter surprised, said ‘But I saw you eating it’. Friend said ‘No, I didn’t.’ Anyway, I let her have another and then just to check even though I too was certain I had seen her eating one, counted the spaces! (petty, who me?!). I said a bit later, ‘I counted the chocolates, an extra one has gone’. I pretended to blame my own daughter and my toddler (even though I’d seen the friend eat the wretched chocolate). But still she didn’t admit. It was all quite jovial and we were all smiling. My DH told me (not in front of them) to stop it and that I was being unreasonable and that she’s only 6 (nearly 7) and that it is perfectly normal. Is it? To persistently lie even though two people have seen you eating it? They then asked if they could have biscuits and I said (again trying to sound jokey) ‘Not unless I find out who had the chocolate!’ Then both friend and dd came up to me and said ‘We both did’ (they didn’t as there was only one missing). Anyway, I let them both have a biscuit. But DH is pretty angry with me and says that I was unkind and unreasonable and making the friend feel uncomfortable. Was I? Really?

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 15/11/2017 19:01

Oh and blaming your own children however jovially was pretty shitty too

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 19:02

Sorry but all kids lie even yours you’ve just not come across it yet

Ttbb · 15/11/2017 19:02

YWBU, obviously she shouldn't have lied but not because she was six (six year olds will do from time to time) but because you were the supervising adult and it was your responsibility to tell her to be honest instead of making this whole farce to embarrass her. A short 'that's ok, you can have another one if you want' when your daughter interjected would have sufficed.

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 19:03

Good idea. Yes, I should have said, 'I know you had one, I saw you, cheeky, anyway, here you go, have another.'

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LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 19:05

Can you see that repeatedly asking is stressful for the child,this was badly handled
Given the age of the child and the context I’d expect you to be more easy going
Don’t let on about this to the mum or it’ll just potentially escalate

Raver84 · 15/11/2017 19:05

I feel so sorry for you dd friend she probably took it and has been made to feel really horrid by you going on about it. Dont be surprised if she don't want to come round your house again you sound very unpleasant.

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 19:05

Don't think I was particularly scary, they didn't stop giggling.

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Pseudousername · 15/11/2017 19:06

Yes to what everyone else has said - but for God's sake don't berate the poor kid further by bringing up her terrible crime a fourth or fifth time to try and undo the damage.

BarbarianMum · 15/11/2017 19:06

Yes, that would be a much better idea. Trapping small children in a lie is a bit sick tbh.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 19:07

You have the power,so it was probably scary,giggling is also sign of discomfort
I’m sure you didn't intend it to be,but I expect it was scary

Tsundoku · 15/11/2017 19:09

With my own DD, I'd just be direct: nope, no more chocolate, I know you've had one already and it's not nice to be dishonest. With a guest... I'm not sure, but I definitely wouldn't turn the whole thing into a three-act murder mystery.

There's something petty but manipulative about the way you behaved, trying to indirectly make her come clean. This is a little kid, and you're the adult. Be up front, or nothing. It sounds like everyone except the toddler was embarrassed by the way you handled it.

BarbarianMum · 15/11/2017 19:09

And yes giggling is as likely to be about fear in this situation as mirth.

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 19:10

Try to trap her in a lie? What? She told a lie. I didn't make her

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littlebird77 · 15/11/2017 19:12

If you decide to carry on with this passive aggressive demeanour with other people's young children expect your own child to end up friendless and isolated through no fault of her own. She already sees you as unkind and will blame you for this.

I would run a mile from a parent like you.

It is not your job to pull your young guest up on 'lying' but to make her incredibly welcome. At such a tender age she will just be getting used to visiting friends houses and has now had a ghastly experience at yours.

Namechangetempissue · 15/11/2017 19:13

I turned on my friends mums sunbed when I was about 7. We were told not to touch it. I was terrified I would be in trouble even though the mum was lovely and didn't tell us off so I said I didn't do it (we both denied it!). I knew I had done something naughty and I was ashamed to admit what I did. I wasn't a dishonest child and was never naughty usually, but I was little and made a silly choice.

BarbarianMum · 15/11/2017 19:13

No, but you made her keep repeating it by putting her in a really difficult position. You upped the stakes by blaming your own kids then kept asking her. Your dh was right to ask you to stop.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 19:13

You put her in the spot,repeatedly asked and to deflect escalating event the child maintained the lie
Can I ask were your own parents strict, you seem v concrete in your rationale

maras2 · 15/11/2017 19:14

What kin of crap pudding is 1 chocolate?
No wonder the kid nicked one.

Provincialady · 15/11/2017 19:14

yes, I get now that I should have been up front. I got that wrong. Completey wrong. I genuinely thought that being up front and saying 'I know you did, but not to worry' would be far more confrontational and scary and would in effect be me calling her a liar, than giving her the opportunity to say 'yes, i did.'

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Provincialady · 15/11/2017 19:15

No, they'd had load of pudding - chocolate biscuit, an eclair, a little orange and a fruity chewy bar thing

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StaySexyDontGetMurdered · 15/11/2017 19:15

Well good on you for admitting you were a bit ott.
I do think you were a bit much but I don't know if I'm projecting. My child lies as part of his SN. It's something we are working on but I wouldn't be best pleased at a school mum making a big deal over something so small.

It doesn't sound as if you've traumatised her though.

Rollmopsrule · 15/11/2017 19:15

Poor kid!
Massive over reaction to a harmless and obvious fib.

StaySexyDontGetMurdered · 15/11/2017 19:16

Ps if you don't want the chocolates I'm sure I can find a loving home for them Grin

FittonTower · 15/11/2017 19:16

It's not a huge lie is It? It's an embarrassed, gave in to temptation while momentarily forgetting you were at someone else's house type lie. There are very very few 6 yr olds that wouldn't have the automatic reaction to feign innocence when confronted with that situation. If it was your own child then fair enough have a little chat about telling fibs but a friend over for tea forget about it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 15/11/2017 19:16

Again you’re still being a bit harsh You don’t need to prefix I know you did
I wouldn’t have commented or if I did it’d be an observation, Gosh you girls are hungry