Am I being unreasonable to think it unacceptable that someone else’s child lied to me?

[Provincialady]

Probably sounds ridiculous. This child came for dinner and then had a chocolate for pudding and asked for another, I said yes, but then she pretended she hadn’t had the first (i.e. so she wanted two). My daughter surprised, said ‘But I saw you eating it’. Friend said ‘No, I didn’t.’ Anyway, I let her have another and then just to check even though I too was certain I had seen her eating one, counted the spaces! (petty, who me?!). I said a bit later, ‘I counted the chocolates, an extra one has gone’. I pretended to blame my own daughter and my toddler (even though I’d seen the friend eat the wretched chocolate). But still she didn’t admit. It was all quite jovial and we were all smiling. My DH told me (not in front of them) to stop it and that I was being unreasonable and that she’s only 6 (nearly 7) and that it is perfectly normal. Is it? To persistently lie even though two people have seen you eating it? They then asked if they could have biscuits and I said (again trying to sound jokey) ‘Not unless I find out who had the chocolate!’ Then both friend and dd came up to me and said ‘We both did’ (they didn’t as there was only one missing). Anyway, I let them both have a biscuit. But DH is pretty angry with me and says that I was unkind and unreasonable and making the friend feel uncomfortable. Was I? Really?

Very rude and unkind to try to humiliate a little girl who is a guest in your house.

I'd work on your own manners and compassion instead of obsessing about a 6 year old's misjudgment. Totally with your DH.

Onwards and upwards OP!

I think this is pretty normal kid behaviour. My greedy little git of a 6 yr old tries it on all the time, I just laugh and say, 'no cheeky but nice try' and we all love on with our lives

"Trap her in a lie" ???? She's 6 , who do you think you are, the FBI

Why would she be starving? I mean I'm all for a good AIBU hanging but really?

I don't understand why you didn't trust your dp's judgement on this. He witnessed what happened and spoke to you of her embarrassment.

I walked in my kitchen,to find crumb trails,open biscuit packets,kids with chocolate moustache
So you found the biscuits?no,no, what?who?they all said...

christ alive! The things people will get upset over to the point of posting a thread about it! Young child chanced her arm. They all do it. Hardly crime of the century. Your children are not angels, I guarantee you that.

Golly, my husband and I do this to each other. Agree with Coloursweremyjoy “Cheeky monkey, I saw you” Grin and hand out another chocolate.

At least op has admitted she was wrong. Why are people still slating her? Op it was an overreaction but you've learned so... on with life we go.

I don't think young kids know how to negotiate themselves from lie to truth, unless you're direct with them. They don't understand the opportunity to come clean. From their perspective, they've done something wrong and they've lied about it, so confessing is going to bring down double the trouble, so they'll often keep going until plainly told to stop.

Thanks for the nice messages! (I mean the nice messages, I'm not being sarcastic)

And I have a v embarrassing memory of being about 7 or 8 and finishing the loo roll at a friend's house. I didn't say anything. And then my friends mum went in and obviously got caught out! She came out and asked me, my friend and her brother who hadn't changed the loo roll. I kept quiet and she had a bit of rant at my friend and her brother about making sure they tell her or change the roll. In my head of went on ages! I can still feel how embarrassed I felt back then now because id done something daft and then fibbed about it. I think I know how that little girl felt while you were going on about It, worth remembering other people's parents are scary!

You wouldn’t have dared do that in front of her parents though, would you?

I also think you should have been up front. I have had similar things when my DD was younger with visiting children and I would have said 'I know you ate that chocolate but it is OK to want another one. Here you are. Now please don't tell me any more fibs.' Then move on. No need to make a big thing of it, just make it clear you aren't fooled. I don't agree that a child of 6 or 7 is too young to tell the truth at all. FWIW, children who I have had to speak to in this way have not so far gone on to tell me any more untruths. They are all now 10/11.

Well, user149..... as I say, it wasn't particularly harsh or angry or anything (though yes, i get that other peoples parents are scary), I might well have done the same and said 'which one of you guys took the chocolate?' in front of their parents. yes, overreaction, and everything I've agreed was wrong. But I might well have made the same mistake in front of her parents too. I thought i was being kind by not being direct. I get my mistake.

I repeat my pudding - chocolate biscuit, chocolate eclair, little orange and fruity bar thing.

I wouldn’t ask a guest (adult or child) if they’d eaten a chocolate. It’s a petty overreaction
You seem very concrete in how you're seeing this. Were your own parents strict?

I think you’ve probably given adequate food, just the choc was too tempting

I wouldn’t have dine that to a child coming over but I certainly would have noticed and would raised eye browns.
With my own child, of course I would have a comment and actually told them off. As well as explaining that if you wAnt a second chocolate, you ask for it. You don’t lie.

Lipstick - I only asked because she said she hadn't. I think they probably were strict, though I do remember as a child being very aware of lying and it being wrong and I didn't do it. The first time I did was in year 2 and I remember being really worried that I'd lied (though actually I hadn't - I just hadn't told my mother something that I felt I should). I subsequently blurted it out randomly, months later. And that's stayed with me. But lying was, I thought then, a really big deal. I just wasn't one of those children (and yes, before I get slated for yet more) I know that my children might well be like that and indeed i have discovered the odd lie.