New Stepmum being pushy over kids

[HuneyBee74]

I am divorced with two lovely children and have a very good relationship with my ex.

He has the children EOW and one evening a week, this has always been the arrangement since we split 5 years ago.

The kids come back to me on Sunday evenings when it is his weekend. This has always been the case as 1. I think it better for them to get back into their routine before the new week and 2. their Dad often has a very early start on Mondays. He travels a lot for work and often takes a Monday morning flight or has to catch an early train.

He recently got married, and his new wife doesn't yet have kids of her own. I have found her pushy in the past regarding the children.

Ex-husband last weekend raised the possibility of him keeping the children on the Sunday nights when it is his weekend, and taking them to school on the Monday.

We talked about it ,and when I pointed out that he often isn't there, he suggested step-mum can get the kids up and do breakfast / school run.

I don't want this. I was happy to talk about him having the kids when he can take them to school on the Monday, but said that when he can't be there that the children should come back to me on Sunday, as we have always done.

I'm their mum and I WANT to do that for them, get them up, give them breakfast and see them off. I feel that giving time that was mine to their Dad so he can spend more time with them is one thing, but I don't want to give my time with my kids to step mum.

We agreed it last weekend - he said fine, he would bring kids back on Sundays when he has got to go off early. All was very amicable.

It's his weekend this weekend coming. I texted him to reiterate what we agreed re: Sundays and asked whether he was taking the kids to school on Monday or returning them to me on Sunday.

He has now come back and said that he won't be there first thing Monday as he is going to the States and step mum is going to do the school run! That she 'is their step mum now' and it is his decision! Not what we agreed!

We are now arguing about it (we never argue!) - and I know that this is coming from her - she is hugely controlling and wants to 'be important'.

As far as I am concerned he has reneged on our agreement to appease his new wife.

Other than turn up at their door on Sunday evening, what do I do?

Sorry, I've not had time to read the whole thread but I agree with you. I'd be very annoyed too.

Personally I wouldn't accept it, but I think if you know they'll have children of their own soon let her get on with it. I imagine she'll not be so keen when she's nursing a newborn.

mrsc what i meant is it is vague because one persons minimum might be £25 a week someone elses might be £500 a week. So whilst the second is still paying their own personal minimum, its a good amount and certainly enough to bring up a child with.

I have already said the system doesnt work so im not sure why youre protesting at me like i am some sort of ambassador for it.

We get £24 pounds odd a week - i know its not relative to what it actually costs but what can i do about it? Nothing.

HelloSquirrels I get around the same as you, give or take a few quid. I am not protesting AT you at all. Similarly, nothing I can do about it either despite their lavish and ostentatious lifestyle. Admittedly I am angry, I gave up a lucrative City career for a baby at 42 years old and now benefits. I wouldn't be without our son for the world but I am absolutely resentful that my ex-h can just swan off and cocklodge with another mug (as he did me), live a manipulated life of riley at our son's expense and get away with it with the assistance of OW. I am just glad she's past child rearing age or we'd have a whole other set of problems! However our child is ASD, that has changed everything and do they give a fuck? Absolutely not. It's just wrong.

When an ex remarries it means they’ve moved on with their life. Things do change. It also means another person is now involved with care of kids. Positive step mums are the ones that encourage positive family environment that includes step kids. It’s the step mums that take care of the two kids when they visit. Nothing wrong with a step mum caring for the bio mums kids. When step kids visit their dad, they should be part of dads family which includes step mum. You should not have dad seeing kids separate or outside his home. It’s a family environment! I don’t see the problem of step kids staying over if step mum is okay with it. My step kids stay over weekends and school holidays.

Hello is this thread still active?

ZOMBIE!

I'm with you on this one OP. Sunday nights are mine too and contact time is for the children to spend with dad not anyone else. stick to your guns unless of course the children are asking to stay the extra night and be taken to school by sm.

If it is, i am on the other side of this ladies situation. Im a step mp 4 and 6. And done everything I can to make them feel welcome and at home. They stay with us every other weekend, tues and Thursday evening.
We have asked for over nights on a Tuesday and Thursday night, currently we take them to mums ready for bed teeth brushed at 7 or just after. Recently their mum asked that we start dropping them at home earlier, so she could spend some time with them before bed. The Tuesday and Thursdays feel rushed, school pick up, cook, eat tea and bath or swim and then back to mums to go up a flight of stairs in to their other bedroom. Because they are tired frequently they are bundled in the back of the car in their jammies nearly in tears. Which is horrible. My partner is eager to have them more, to be able to do a bed time story and bed time cuddles, a school run etc.
When the two of them parted company it was agreed that when the boyf had somewhere stable set up (he was living with his folks for a while) that they would do 50 50. Hes now set up and we have maintained the above routine for sometime now, which in some instances involves me collecting them from school and doing step parenting, which I dont mind because they are lovely, i care about them and adore their dad. But mum is refusing us the extra time, she basically said because in the past hes not been reliable (which in 2 years i haven't seen).
And it sounds alot like a no out of resentment and anger. She has also only suggested that hes now interested because they are easy because they are older or that its because I'm on the scene. Theres deep running resentment between the two but he doesn't let it impact on the kids but she says/does things that suggest shes feeding the girls information that impacts how they see their dad and me. The youngest asked me the other day if daddy was going to leave, because he left mummy (which he didn't, she instigated the split when the youngest was very young and he was there every other evening, work patterns allowing to put them to bed, as well as weekends, family teas etc which was still going on when we met, which only started to change as her partner moved in and we got more serious).
I am not trying to be their mum, my god kids have a step mum that they haven't bonded with and a rubbish relationship with their real dad. We don't want the girls to have an experience like that.
My partner wants to see his children more, we both want to offer them stable and happy times with us, we are planning to marry and have more children and very much want them to be part of that. I tell the children that me and mums boyfriend are extras/bonus' to the loving parents they already have. Whats the general consensus? I value opinions, i don't have kids of my own yet. I want them to have the best relationship possible with their father, as does he. We have a happy home and it's sad that it isn't more frequent.

ZOMBIE BRAINS.