Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think he is a lying twat?!!

109 replies

YotkshirePud35 · 15/11/2017 08:44

Posted on here the other day about my H going away on a 4 day trip with work, and one of the women he was away with he constantly 'likes' her selfies on FB.

He has cheated before so I'm struggling to trust.

So, since he's been back yesterday, he is constantly on whatsapp. He hardly used this before, but he was on line pretty much all day yesterday.

Then last night when he went to bed, he was constantly on line for an hour. Then he turned his last seen off.

This morning I noticed he has put a pin lock on his phone, never had this before.

I confronted him and he said he's just helping a friend who's going through a really difficult time atm.

So why would you turn your last seen off and put a pin lock on the phone if it was innocent?

He has just spent 4 days away on work with her?

Am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 15/11/2017 08:46

Just to clarify is the pin lock new or has it always been there?
If it’s new I’d find that highly suspicious.

Original poster
YotkshirePud35 · 15/11/2017 08:52

It's new. There was no pin lock on it yesterday afternoon.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/11/2017 08:53

It sounds very suspicious

furryelephant · 15/11/2017 08:55

I’d be suspicious too, sorry Sad

Travis1 · 15/11/2017 08:55

Highly suspicious but ultimately if you don't trust him then is there really any longevity left in your relationship?

Oddmanout · 15/11/2017 08:56

Sorry but that is extremely suspicious. A new pin lock and constantly on whatsapp after 4 days away with a colleague you already suspected he liked. I'd be doing lots more digging personally.

Notreallyarsed · 15/11/2017 08:56

In that case I think he’s up to something, sorry OP. I have a pin lock as does DP but they’ve been there since day one as we both have banking apps on our phones and we also know each other’s pin codes (not that we use them).
I’m sorry he’s done this to you, you deserve better.

RubaDubMum89 · 15/11/2017 08:58

It's suspicious I agree. Maybe have a sneaky look at him putting his pin in and see if you can figure out what it is? Then have a look on his phone. If you've time, screen shot the messages as evidence. If he really is being unfaithful, the woman's name may be saved as a different name IYSWIM. EG. Maureen is saved as Ken. (I speak from experience).

Out of interest, what's this 'last seen' thing? A way to stop you seeing when he was last online on WhatsApp?

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. It's truly shit.

ByThePowerOfRa · 15/11/2017 08:58

This does sound suspicious to me too, sorry.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 15/11/2017 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saltandsauce · 15/11/2017 08:59

Ask to see his phone. If he won't show you, then there's your answer. He's cheated before so should know that the trust needs to be earned back, and by not letting u see his phone or messages, he's not playing ball!
TBH, I don't know how you can be with someone you don't trust? Isn't it such a drain on you? 🙁 There are nice guys out there ya know?
This is not a judgey or patronising post, I just feel terribly sad for you, the constant worry that he's cheating must be awful.
Flowers hope you're ok xxx

AnnabellaH · 15/11/2017 09:00

Ask him to remove the phone lock. If he says no, ask why.

Tell him if he doesn't trust his wife seeing the contents of his phone then there is an issue. And the resolution to that is either take the lock off and show you their messages (because you are not stupid) and tell the truth, or the issue is that he wont have a wife or a bed to sleep in within the next 2 minutes.

Stick to it. Guilty parties will generally confess all when their 'status quo' at home is threatened.

RaspberryOverload · 15/11/2017 09:03

When you ask him to show you the phone, it has to be there and then, no time to delete any messages.

AnyFucker · 15/11/2017 09:04

I'd put money on him being up to no good

Is this how you want to live though ? You don't trust him because he isn't trustworthy

Get rid of him before he humiliates you further

Funnyface1 · 15/11/2017 09:05

I wouldn't be happy with his explanation even if he hadn't cheated before. It's all very suspicious to me.

TheFaerieQueene · 15/11/2017 09:05

That old chestnut, a friend, “going through a difficult time”.

What a load of crap. He has a lot to hide.

hollowtree · 15/11/2017 09:10

Sorry OP

bestwayforward · 15/11/2017 09:11

Ask to see the phone there and then.

crochetmonkey74 · 15/11/2017 09:12

Behaviour around phones is one of the first signs in my experience. It shows he doesn't want you to see what's on there.
Ignore any posters who tell you " oh maybe he is planning a big surprise/ christmas presents etc" That's easily manageable- my partner and I say "don't look on the phone/ipad/emails as you might see a pressie detail and ruin the surprise"
Trust your instinct. Don't be persuaded otherwise. Don't leave it too late.

reachforthestarseveryday · 15/11/2017 09:14

Sounds very suspicious, but it also sounds like he's playing you for an absolute fool. Did he think you wouldn't notice him being on whatsapp, or would just put up with it??

If you don't trust him, what's the point in being together?

SeaCabbage · 15/11/2017 09:19

This is one of the classics - man helping woman in distress. And whoops somehow he accidentally falls into her.

Also, have you said to him, who is this friend and actually I am your wife and would appreciate your company. Get off your phone. You tosser.

Craftylittlething · 15/11/2017 09:19

If my husband was supporting a friend going through a difficult time we'd talk about it... If he started this crap I'd walk away. Life is too short and I am too old for constant worry.

HandbagCrazy · 15/11/2017 09:20

I would be suspicious OP

Both me and DH have pincodes on our phones, but we always have and we have free access to each other’s phones.

The problem you have now is that because he has cheated before, trust is no longer a given in your relationship.
You have reason to doubt him, and if he isn’t doing everything he can to earn (and keep) that trust, then it’s game over isn’t it?

Sorry OP

purpleangel17 · 15/11/2017 09:22

Sounds suspicious to me. My ex always kept his computer and phone like Fort Knox. On the times I found evidence of his cheating (escorts and casual sex rather than a full blown affair) he would claim someone had hacked him or he did it as a test to see if I would check up on him. 😒 Three years post separation he still maintains he never cheated. Yeah right...

maddening · 15/11/2017 09:23

Definitely see if you can spot him typing in his pin