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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think he is a lying twat?!!

109 replies

YotkshirePud35 · 15/11/2017 08:44

Posted on here the other day about my H going away on a 4 day trip with work, and one of the women he was away with he constantly 'likes' her selfies on FB.

He has cheated before so I'm struggling to trust.

So, since he's been back yesterday, he is constantly on whatsapp. He hardly used this before, but he was on line pretty much all day yesterday.

Then last night when he went to bed, he was constantly on line for an hour. Then he turned his last seen off.

This morning I noticed he has put a pin lock on his phone, never had this before.

I confronted him and he said he's just helping a friend who's going through a really difficult time atm.

So why would you turn your last seen off and put a pin lock on the phone if it was innocent?

He has just spent 4 days away on work with her?

Am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
Original poster
YotkshirePud35 · 15/11/2017 12:06

I asked to see the messages if he has nothing to hide,

His reply 'no it's my phone'

I've had enough, I'm not putting up with this shit.

Time for me to find a job, get out of this crap and make a better life for me and our DC

Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:
FlowerPot1234 · 15/11/2017 12:09

I'm sorry OP. Sad Yes, get out of this crap.

Here's to your so much better and happier life! Wine

ahhhsalmonskinroll · 15/11/2017 12:11

He’s a no good piece of shit lying dirtbag. Tell him to get to fuck. You deserve better. Don’t take this crap from him anymore.

Skittlesandbeer · 15/11/2017 12:13

I think it sounds as though you’re on the right track, however hard it is.

Good on you, it’s very brave and strong.

If you wobble and are looking for another tactic, you could always say you’ve contacted her (since you know who it is). There’s always the option of doing this for real, after all, what more have you got to lose at this point? But saying you did it ‘just now’ with the right steely look in your eye and a loooong silence after should give you a lot of information from his reaction.

Sorry you’re going through this, kudos for handling it so well.

dadseven · 15/11/2017 12:21

Keep inputting the wrong code in his phone, do it enough times and it'll cause a block so he won't be able to use it for an hour, that'll teach him

Bluetrews25 · 15/11/2017 12:27

Yep, people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

AnnieHoo · 15/11/2017 12:33

I wouldn’t be able to resist being reactive and sending her a quick message her on Facebook to say sorry to hear about all the problems at home but we think it’s not appropriate for her to be messaging my husband in bed etc. Hope it works out for you”.

That is bad advice though! Line your ducks up and chuck him out.

AnnieHoo · 15/11/2017 12:34

Sorry I cut and paste that badly but YKWIM. So sorry OP, it’s crap. Hope you are ok.

stevie69 · 15/11/2017 12:36

Yep, people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Not strictly true. I have nothing to hide from anyone but some of my private thoughts, and actions, are for me. And me only.

Having said that, I don't have a worried partner who's suffering because of me. Big hugs to you, OP. I can't say for certain what's going on with your H but, as others have said, it doesn't look good. You're worried and he should be doing what it takes to make you feel safe, secure and loved.

Onwards and upwards; better things out there for you, sweetheart.

Take care.

Scrapper142 · 15/11/2017 12:56

Her marriage problems may have something to do with her fucking your husband and that's why she's going to him for advice.

To some extent if it's true or not is now irrelevant. If it's causing you this much hurt and pain the wounds from the previous affair are not healed.

MaximaDeWit · 15/11/2017 12:58

OP, this is is, I’m sorry.

I think the worst thing you can do is leave it to fester. You’ve already been half upfront with him so why not have an open, honest, calm chat with him about your concerns. Don’t ask him WHY he’s now got a pin, etc. because it’s not really going to help you having to figure out whether you believe him or not. Just tell him your worries and what you’re basing them on and try to appeal to his better side and hope he’ll be open with you. Best case scenario, he unlocks his phone, shows you everything and then you work together on your trust issues. If he refuses to open up to you then that would worry me more than any potential cheating as it’s going to ruin your relationship and your own self confidence and happiness in the long term.

Don’t feel pressured into anything and don’t feel you need to keep checking back on here and updating us all - this is between you and your husband

VeganIan · 15/11/2017 13:39

His work colleague is the friend in difficulty. She is finding it difficult to get shagged so he is helping her out Exactly this.

What do you need sorting in order to get him out?

ohfourfoxache · 15/11/2017 13:43

I’m totally with Maxima - don’t feel pressured to come back here.

But, if you do, you might want to get this shifted to relationships. It’s very clear yanbu and the relationships board is absolutely full of support Thanks

SparklyMagpie · 15/11/2017 13:46

You'll thank yourself in the long run for leaving this lying, cheating twat

BMW6 · 15/11/2017 14:03

Having cheated on you before he would be happy to show you the innocent phone messages, wouldn't he.........the fact that he will not show you proves that he is cheating again.
He has destroyed the trust. Relationship trashed.

lils888 · 15/11/2017 14:27

You are BU to ask if he’s a lying twat. He was that from the very first moment he cheated on you (the first time)

You are not BU to realise that lying tears

lils888 · 15/11/2017 14:29

Whoops..

You are not BU to realise that lying twats rarely change.

You deserve better, wishing you luck with all this

Original poster
YotkshirePud35 · 15/11/2017 14:32

thanks for all your kind words and support.

One last thing which tbh has more or less confirmed it for me, when I told him earlier when I knew which 'friend' he was whatsapping, I told him I had seen from her FB book (her page isn't private) that he likes everyone of her selfies so I had guessed.

Guess what...all of a sudden her FB page is now private, so he obviously told her!!

OP posts:
AnnaleeP · 15/11/2017 14:34

Now pack him a bag and sling his arse out.

Booboobooboo84 · 15/11/2017 14:48

Kick him the fuck out. Say you don’t believe him, you don’t like his mind games and you don’t want him in the house.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/11/2017 14:48

He's definitely up to something and in constant contact with her.
Why doesn't he just finish with you if he would rather be someone else.
I feckin' hate men!

ProfessorCat · 15/11/2017 14:55

Kick him out.

gingergenius · 15/11/2017 15:07

It’s not looking good OP Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/11/2017 15:13

Time for me to find a job, get out of this crap and make a better life for me and our DC

Yup. You can't live like this so make a new life.

Sandsunsea · 15/11/2017 15:18

It's very suspicious and tbh I couldn't be with someone who I couldn't trust. It's so damaging to confidence. You only have one life, do you want to spend it like a this?

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