To be feeling a bit sick at the thought of another Christmas alone?

[orangelemonlimegin]

I promised myself last year this year would be different ... of course it isn't.

(Please don't suggest voluntary work. That's not what this post is.)

How about a Solo UK Christmas break (not a singles holiday, I don't think ... company rather than dating).

www.solosholidays.co.uk/SearchResults.aspx
www.solitairhols.co.uk/uk/christmas-break/

I agree with the above. At 36 I was single and all my friends were long since married with babies. Christmas and NY were spent with my dad on a beach in Barbados pretending it wasn't Christmas at all (brothers being happily settled down and mum having died years ago). I thought that was my fate.

By the Christmas I was 38 I was living with DP and we had a 3 month old. I met him on a sort of "common interest" site (writing) where we had lots of pub meet ups. I know about ten couple from the same site; having the same interest and humour cuts out the awful intro emails from online dating. Another friend who was single at 39 and living in NYC now lives here with her husband and baby girl after posting on a work based forum on Christmas Day! So it really can happen - you just have to try and work out the best place for you and then stuff can happen organically.

If online dating isn't for you, could you make a resolution to join some new activities in January?
My friends have met their partners at clubs and on courses - cycling, coding, mountain rescue, lifeboat support, rowing, choirs etc.
This time next year it could all be very different.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly Country hotel.

Really??? Have you ever been alone when everyone else is playing happy families, eating along in a restaurant when everyone else is having fun in groups? I think not.

OP feel free to vent all you want.

Don't wait until January - do it now - this is when they'll be having all their Christmas piss-ups

If you can afford it, get yourself on a xmas cruise holiday. Great for single people (and a lot of the staff are away from family etc). Shows every night, you can drink alone or join other people, however you feel. xxx

25th December is just another day, OP.
You sound defeated but the negativity your omitting will just attract negativity.! I know what its like to feel like everything is doom and gloom, but thats just your perception of it, it can only change when you change. In other words, don't give up, your still so young too!
OK make a plan. What can you do, between now and say the end of December, to start to change the way things are?
Make a list
Go and do something - go on! Sign up to a new dating site, change your profile, join Meet Up and sign up to a few groups of interest and actually go along to something , get a pet? if you want one/have time for one, get out walking (with pet if you have a dog, smile and say hello to people), get a friend to agree to an evening out and get dressed up, go to a pub quiz, go to the gym and do a class...
Lots of things you can do to make little changes but only if you actually do them! Forget christmas, its too bloody overrated anyway.
Focus on now!

So, what do you want to do that is realistic for this year?

I'm shy and awkward too so I know how irritating it is.

Don't wait until the new year, push yourself to go and meet some new people. Not necessarily a man, otherwise it's a lot more pressure on yourself. You may meet someone in a more natural way then and it'll be easier than internet dating. If not, you've found some new friends, win/win.

Do you have a husband or children... or are you saying you'd like them? Remember, it is just a day. We all get stressy about it. My sister-in-law is a real nightmare and makes sure she always does what she wants. I don't really get to see my family on the actual day either. I think you should try to put a positive spin on it and think about what you could do that day that would make you feel good. Buy in the food you love and DVDs you'd like to watch, a good book, some face masks and all that jazz. Think about the little pleasures life can offer us and take control of the situation as much as you can. How about inviting some people round to yours on Boxing day or some day near Christmas for a little party or for a drink and nibbles? Book a meal with some friends and have it as a 'fake Christmas'. The actual date isn't important. Try to spend some time with the people you love/like and enjoy the festivities in another way. You can take this into your own hands and find something to enjoy from the occasion. You know you can! :-)

Join some local clubs, I bet there will be many people joining around this time of year in a very similar situation to yourself.

I understand how daunting it is, but if you do end up meeting someone, it'll be so worth it.

How about an evening job to meet people. Maybe a bar or cinema. I understand its not for everyone but thought id throw it out there.

I'm single and I've been on several small group tours abroad over Christmas, and they seem to attract a nice mixture of singles and couples, who want to get away from the whole Christmas thing and do something interesting. I've been to Egypt, Malta and (most recently, the year after my Dad died) to Namibia, where I woke up on Christmas morning and observed a hyena at a watering hole outside the window. For most of the day, I didn't even remember it was Christmas. I'd really recommend it!

I had myself a little sperm donor baby and we'll be enjoying our first Christmas together this year. I also met someone just before I did it (I'd already taken the decision and went ahead with it anyway - best thing I ever did). Life can lead you down some strange paths! Take every opportunity you can. I'll be opening pressie with my little bubs this year and I honestly had given up all hope. You really do have to try to be positive. You can also have a massive moan on here if you want becaue we all need to get it out! You've got weeks until Christmas though. You don't need to dread it. Think about what you can do to make it better. :-)

Internet dating isn't my area of choice either tbh. How about looking for singles events?
Dating agency ?

Could you ask your friends to set you up ?

A club or activity could be good but then again it may be harder to determine if someone is there to meet someone

I think op from a practical POV this xmas you could join a no-one eats alone type dinner if you were up for that or just have a day at home doing/eating/enjoying all of your favourite things.
Then moving forward- you don't want to be alone clearly have you been in a relationship recently? Do you feel like you are in a place where you'd be willing to date?

You're not the only one Orange, I'm there too. Adverts on the telly full of happy families, every other person saying "Have you started your shopping yet?" - No because I don't bloody well have any presents to buy!!!
It's lonely and it sucks. I have no good advice other than be kind to yourself.

Sorry to hear you feel this way

It’s perfectly ok to say you don’t want to do voluntary work

It’s also ok to be open and honest and say you have no family - I have very little family and I find it hard to ever mention as everyone would think I was lying if I told them the truth - also not all friends are in a position to offer invites even if they know you are alone

You are allowed to feel a bit sorry for yourself - but perhaps afterwards just get some nice food / films/ telly in - enjoy the day

I used to work in a nice hotel, and we did a Christmas break. It wasn’t a child-friendly hotel, so there wasn’t anyone playing happy families (as someone so sneeringly put it). It was a nice mixture of single people, couples and divorced or widowed people. There was no pressure to socialise, but you could if you wanted to.

I actually think a Christmas break would be good for you OP. If you phone a few hotels that you like the look of, you could ask them what sort of people they have staying and find a place that works for you.

I know it’s not what you want, but do consider visiting friends even for part of the day? I would hate to know a friend was having a crap and lonely time. I know that it doesn’t make it what you imagined. It has to be something different.

My friend always used to have a ‘waifs and strays’ Christmas with friends. She was far from home, and some of her friends had reason not to be with family on that day, and/or were single etc. That became their Christmas tradition. It didn’t replace their other traditions but it was a pleasant distraction and allowed for different kinds of ‘family’.

Someone beat me to this suggestion but youth hostels are great. If I were in your position I'd be packing my bag and heading off to one on Xmas Eve. Travelling single (and lots of folk do) means that folk make an extra effort to speak to you. I've met so many friends through hostels and back packing by just sitting reading my book in the lounge. These fateful meetings have resulted in

• a lasting friendship with a trip to Australia
• learning to rock climb
• a very close, bestest pal whom I can't imagine not being pals with and we've shared crazy adventures since, been at each other's weddings etc.
• hot sex in a sauna (in both senses of the word)

And these are the biggies. Just sharing time with other folk whether you meet them again or not is life enriching.

In Scotland we also have bothies, where you can just walk up to one and spend the night there free - very basic but some of the popular ones are 'go to' places at Xmas or New Year.

Waifs and strays - ouch!

Now come on folks. All the suggestions are valid and helpful, don't get me wrong, but some are just not feasible for someone who is shy and awkward.

Going on holiday, going on a walking trip with strangers, going to an hotel alone.

Might as well put a big banner on your back and say " I am Alone". I know many people do it and don't give a damn, but they are usually very confident people who would talk to a plank of wood.

It is not a simple issue that can be solved here, although everyone is very helpful.

OP needs to help herself. I think it is disappointment with the way things did NOT turn out is the issue, not craving for constant stimulation/happiness on Christmas Day. FGS most people just crash on the nearest available sofa and snore for the day after dinner. It is not the Nirvana everyone thinks it is.