Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit sick at the thought of another Christmas alone?

159 replies

orangelemonlimegin · 14/11/2017 15:33

I promised myself last year this year would be different ... of course it isn't.

(Please don't suggest voluntary work. That's not what this post is.)

OP posts:
DavetheCat2001 · 14/11/2017 16:27

OP I get what you are saying. Christmas is so hyped up to be this amazing, glittering, wondrous day with family all around you, that it is very hard if your own life doesn't live up to the glossy ad's..which most people's don't.

I'm wondering if you might be better off posting on the Relationships board for advice? Are you after help trying to work out how to achieve what you want, or are you just wanting to vent your feelings? (both absolutely fine btw!)

GuardianLions · 14/11/2017 16:29

OP do you find it hard to meet a prospective partner or date? I mean do you have a health issue like anxiety?

Because imo its still only November - and with the wind behind you, you could potentially be cuddled up with a significant other by christmas...

DancingOnParsnips · 14/11/2017 16:30

I think you're saying it's not the day that's the problem but that you are still in this position.

There is still a chance you can marry and/or have children - but given that that's a difficult issue to force, are their other things that could help your life?

Ignore Christmas day - what do you want generally? A baby? Could you consider a sperm donor? Companionship? Can you join sports or hobby groups? Hugs? Can you adapt your working life so you can get a puppy? Partner? Are you trying to date?

StevieNicksRhiannon · 14/11/2017 16:30

OP,

Far better to share feelings of moroseness in an anonymous, (mostly!) supportive environment with people who can empathise and help you figure out what's best for you.

No need to apologise in any way.

Original poster
orangelemonlimegin · 14/11/2017 16:31

Lol guardians I know, it's simple for other people but not me. Anyway, I'm sorry!

OP posts:
Original poster
orangelemonlimegin · 14/11/2017 16:31

You've all been lovely Flowers

OP posts:
GuardianLions · 14/11/2017 16:32

Its alright OP - I know its not simple for everyone, but that doesn't mean it is impossible..

coddiwomple · 14/11/2017 16:33

it looks simple for other people, it doesn't mean it is.

You could write down what you really want, and then take step to achieve it. Just don't wish somebody else's life, because it's never as rosy as it looks.

namechange2222 · 14/11/2017 16:34

I get you. I'd not ask myself around to someone else's Christmas. If they invited me that may be different. I hope the day goes peacefully and painlessly as it can.

ambereeree · 14/11/2017 16:34

OP you're young and will hopefully meet someone this year or next. It's a pretty shit situation to be in...I've been there. I always found the thought of spending the day with married friends worse than being alone. Luckily I had family to go to.

LadyinCement · 14/11/2017 16:35

Poor OP.

And I can see that people suggesting having prosecco and a bubble bath is a crap idea. That's what people with other options do in a spare half hour, not as their sole Christmas focus.

I would second the MeetUp idea. There are masses of groups in my area. There is one that is for meeting Friends, ie not a dating site, although I expect some people meet someone like-minded. Even if it's just a walk, it's a way of getting out of the house.

I read a story where someone decorates their house on Christmas Day, or at least a room. By throwing yourself into this you're not slumped on the sofa thinking everyone else is living the advert life.

And, OP, no waiting for New Year to make resolutions. Start now! Book a walking holiday (if you are able!). A single male friend of mine has met loads of friends this way.

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 14/11/2017 16:35

What part of the UK are you in Orange?

Gazelda · 14/11/2017 16:35

I can understand how you feel OP. I was alone for a long time, and even spent millennium NYE on my own. I had lots of my favourite snacks and then went to bed early wearing earplugs. It was shit.

I can’t offer a solution, other than to treat yourself, and to pretend it’s just another day. And to set out a plan on how you can make your life more fulfilling in 2018. Not necessarily husband and children, but a life you enjoy and that satisfies you. You may need counselling, a hobby, tinder, spirituality, I don’t know. But do it for your own enjoyment, not to find a husband (although I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you find someone to love Flowers).

Swizzlesticks23 · 14/11/2017 16:37

Are you activltley looking for a relationship op ? I dunno how to phrase that properly sorry i don't know the term if there is one lol. I mean just are you internet dating/ socializing to meet people or anything?

Christmas isn't great when you don't have someone to share it with I know from past experiences.

My very minimal family don't really do Christmas so it isn't great.

Original poster
orangelemonlimegin · 14/11/2017 16:37

I've never been any good at meeting people really. Shy and awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangelemonlimegin · 14/11/2017 16:38

Internet dating has such a bad effect on me. But where else do you meet people? So I guess I am stuck with ir

OP posts:
GuardianLions · 14/11/2017 16:38

Shy and awkward can be very endearing..

expatinscotland · 14/11/2017 16:40

I had to do a few Xmases alone due to having to work Xmas Eve and Boxing Day and being far from family. I got a load of good food in, box sets to binge watch, and got really drunk on Xmas Eve so I didn't wake up until noon, anyway.

PoppyPopcorn · 14/11/2017 16:40

I'm not on my own but I am most definitely not a Christmas fan. I tolerate it for the sake of the kids. If I had things my way, I'd be treating it just like any other day off work or Bank Holiday. Do what YOU want to do. Walk in the park, feed the ducks, spend the day on the Xbox, watching boxsets, eating crisps and chocolate.

It needn't be this big thing - ignore the build up from August as best you can and just don't get involved with any of the greedfest consumerist nonsense. Reclaim it as any other day.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 14/11/2017 16:42

Country Hotel. All the way. Luxury would help a bit?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/11/2017 16:42

But what do you want us to say OP 😩

It's such a bleak and bold post but we can't help or advise you reallly as nothing to go on

Do you want constructive feedback or sympathy ? As things can and do change but get the sense you will
Knock back all advice x

GuardianLions · 14/11/2017 16:43

I think the best way to meet people is through your interests - pursue those, go to a meet-up or whatever and you can always talk about your common interest if the small-talk is too tough. Usually the facilitators of groups around an interest - whatever it is - are great social oilers and will help to introduce you to others... Then getting drunk with them helps Wink Wine

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 14/11/2017 16:43

This was me at 35! Divorced after 14 years, no children, and home sold.

I didn't have any close friends I could spend Christmas with so I went for an alternative Christmas dinner as I found cooking for one too depressing, a bottle of wine and watched what I wanted on the TV and accepted it wasn't the Christmas I wanted but it was the Christmas I was going to have.

At 42 I was settled with a partner and a baby......

Change can happen when you least expect it.

JanetStWalker · 14/11/2017 16:46

The so-called 'festive' season is the only time of year I feel like the worthless old spinster I am, At 40, I'm pretty much the only single and childless woman I know and Christmas really hammers home my failure at life.

I'm NC with family and will be spending the day alone by choice. orange, if you're in the Manchester/Cheshire area and fancy some human contact PM me...misery loves company, right? Wine

QuiteUnfitBit · 14/11/2017 16:46

But where else do you meet people?
This'll sound crazy, but have you thought of trying youth hosteling? I had to spend a few days doing this in the summer to "shadow" my DD and her friends, as they weren't quite 16. Anyway, in the evening, I sat in the lounge, and got talking to loads of single older people on their own, and they were all quite quiet, non-party types. (One was a bit odd, but the rest were lovely.) Anyway, when I mentioned this to a friend, it turned out that was where she'd met her husband.

Obviously, walking might not be your thing at all, so just ignore if that's the case.