To be feeling a bit sick at the thought of another Christmas alone?

[orangelemonlimegin]

I promised myself last year this year would be different ... of course it isn't.

(Please don't suggest voluntary work. That's not what this post is.)

I have children and a husband, but if my single friend asked me to join her for drinks or snacks at or near xmas I would love to see her for an hour or two.
Reach out and see what people say? I had my friend here for Xmas one year as her husband needed to work. It was lovely to share the day with her.

Depending on where you live there may be things like guided tour walks - can be a good way to see a city in a unique way when it's empty.

I think you need to decide if you can face going out and doing something organised like that. If so, book it. If not, order yourself something amazing to eat, something good to read, line up lots of films and just spoil yourself. Life can change in a second; just because it didn't happen this year doesn't mean it might not happen in a month.

Sorry to read this. Its really shit being lonely. Some good suggestions already. Do you like reading? Can you pass some of the time getting lost in a good book? Either in bed surrounded by food or perhaps a really lovely bath surrounded by booze?

I hope you find a solution.

Hi OP,

Have you looked on Meetup.com to see if there any groups near you meeting for Christmas?

It's what it represents not the way itself. Probably haven't explained that so well

So you mean it kind of sums up your whole life - alone and no children.

I promised myself last year this year would be different
So what did you do this year that didn't work?

When my MIL was on her own at Christmas, she used to invite other friends who were on their own - I think they'd all contribute to the meal.

Do your friends actually realise that you are on your own for Christmas? People get so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't always join the dots and work out what's going on for someone else.

It's so sad not to have family.

But actually friends with young children may well welcome seeing their friend and / or help with the chaos!

Pretty much quite

But enough on my failings!

My friends know but don't if you see what I mean. But I really don't want to spend the day with them anyway.

I don’t think it is about being alone at Christmas more the fact that your life has not gone the way your envisioned. You saw yourself at 37 having a husband and family around you and you don’t have that.
Nothing you do for Christmas is going to change that so I have no surgestions to make it better for you.
It is not too late so if want a family make a New Years resolution to throw yourself into the dating game. Join online dating sites, join clubs that interest you and put yourself out there. You might get some knock backs but if you don’t try then nothing is going to change.

Why aren't you spending it with your husband and children??

Is he an ex? Does he know you'll be alone?

I’m no way wondering if I have any single friends in this position. I’d love to have them over - someone to share a glass of wine or two with while the kids scream around us!

Christmas is shit for loads of people. Lots of people will be suffering with grief, family problems, divorce, money issues which might mean Christmas doesn't have that sparkle for them either. Life doesn't stop just because its Christmas. Lots of people won't even be celebrating Christmas. Are you estranged from your family (or husband, children), have you heard of the charity Stand Alone? Hugs to you its only a couple of days to get through, maybe plan something positive for the new year?

If you're not happy with your current situation I'm sorry, that's shit. But just in case it helps at all to know you're very much not alone - the Office for National Statistics says "In 2017, there were 3.9 million people living alone aged 16 to 64 years; similarly there were 3.8 million people living alone aged 65 and over." Some of those people will have family living elsewhere to be with at Christmas (I'm one of them) but by no means all. Just wanted to highlight that the "picture perfect" family life you see presented in our culture a lot of the time isn't the case for an increasing number of people.

I don't have a husband or children.

Hope that things will be better next year is something that keeps a lot of people going, frankly. So don't give up hope, just because it wasn't better this year.

If I were you, I'd spend Christmas Day forming a plan of action. Just because it didn't work last year, doesn't mean that next year, things won't be better.

Honestly my best advice would be to approach one or two of your friends and ask if you might spend it with them. I had a single friend spend it with me, my now ex and our kids and it was fab. She had as much company as she wanted and had the spare room to go to when she needed time out - she hung out with me in the kitchen eating crisps and drinking fizz while we cooked and was fully involved. Couples with kids aren't all lovey-dovey on Xmas and often have a 'more the merrier' approach.

So is this about wishing you were married with kids OP, rather than about Christmas?

Come on people, it's quite clear from her posts that the OP doesn't have a husband and children (yet, if that's what she wants!), so stop asking where they are as if she's hidden them away!

I really don't want to embarrass my friends and in any case I don't want to be with them - would feel like the ghost of Christmas past!

dinosaursandtea stop being a patronising poster when people are trying to find solutions and mean well.

OP< it's not very clear what your situation is. If you have an ex and children, but won't be with them, it's hard and you will miss them whenever you are. You can still have an ok day.

If you haven't got children yet, treat yourself if possible? What would you like to do? A cruise, a sunny holiday, a weekend binge-watching great movies?
Would you like to be with friends? I know they haven't offered, but maybe they haven't thought about it. Honestly, some Christmas it's just DH ,me and the kids so I wouldn't really invite anyone else (but probably still would), other Christmases it's full house and one or 2 more people would just add to the fun but more importantly, they wouldn't feel like an outsider.

Christmas day is probably not the worst day for online dating either, when other single or separated people are away from their family.

Hi OP. You are not alone thinking the way you do. Most people coming to the end of a year, look back and think about things and how the year panned out.

I could be wrong, but I get the feeling that you thought this year would be different, i.e. you would have a partner, and maybe planning for children, but that didn't happen. Apologies if I am wrong about that. I am trying to be sensitive.

Nothing is really going to change that right now, unless you put yourself out there and meet someone in a similar position coming up to Christmas. Possibly unlikely, but not impossible. Depends on whether you can be bothered right now.

Otherwise I think you should be plotting and planning how things definitely WILL change for next Christmas.

Loneliness is a horrible thing, and is not discussed much. Depression far more so, but you can be lonely without being depressed.

Keep talking anyway, I hope someone will be able to help, but sometimes just getting it out helps too. X

MadMags, livefornaps,

The OP mentioned a husband and children as in she wishes she had her own family. She didn't mean that there are some elsewhere.

That is correct stevie

Sorry ... I'm not being difficult but I can't embarrass my friends and I don't want to be with them anyway.

Sorry for moroseness.

What would your ideal Xmas look like?