To be a little upset about DS Christmas play?

[NannyPlum40]

My 6yr old DS has just been told what part he is doing in the Christmas play and has no words to say.

He is upset and said he wants to say something or he doesn't want to do the play because he will be bored just sat there for 30mins.

He is more then capable of learning a few lines but because he is one of the quiet ones in class (teachers words) they always give the talking parts to the loud, confident children. Does this seem to be the norm in every school?

It seems that because my DS knuckles down at school and gets on with his work rather then being chatty, he gets penalised!!

and again you cannot compare sporting achievement to having confidence to speak publically.

ifyoucantstandtheheat
I'm not engaging any further I don't owe you evidence.

Yep, I thought your "I'll answer your questions after.." line was a lie and you wouldn't.

And yes, I knew you didn't have anything to back up your ludicrous statements. Bye.

flowerpot how dare you tell me that I am mollycodling my child and that I need to step up as a parent?

You need to develop some empathy and understanding of the fact that all children deserve a chance and that schools play a role in this.

ifyoucantstandtheheat
You need to develop some empathy and understanding of the fact that all children deserve a chance and that schools play a role in this.

I thought you went?

No, I do not need to believe some random claim of yours backed up with no evidence, that goes against decades of millions of children coping very well with not being picked for things at school, that not being picked damages children.

You need to understand that all children do have the chance. The fact that chance doesn't turn into selection is something your children and you are going to have to learn with live with, otherwise they are going to fall apart at the first major rejection, first failure, first challenge they come up against.

This is pointless! 6 year olds who have not had a line to say in a school concert is “The Norm”.

Reasons you have pointed out - this year one line, next year 2 lines etc would be the very reason that 6 year olds don’t have any lines at all - because those who had a line this year will get 2 next year and so on...

By the time they are ready to leave primary most will have had at least one line. Again most 6 year olds won’t!

I’m always amazed that everyone thinks their child should be the important one during school concerts. If they are constantly being overlooked just speak to the teacher and find out the reason. It’s that simple.

Until then realise not everybody is a budding actor/singer/dancer - not even for Christmas concerts
🎅🏼🌲🎤🤷🏼‍♀️

flowerpot not all schools do give all children a chance. That is what I am saying.

That is based on my experience.

It does damage children's self esteem to always be overlooked. It's not bloody rocket science.

Good teachers will encourage shy children to participate if the child wants to.

teacher thinks I can't do it, so I must not be able to do it (speak a line on stage)

Can you imagine if teachers had that attitude to all areas of learning?

It comes down to whether you think schools have a part to play in developing a child as a whole person.

I think they do, along with the parent, have a joint responsibility.

ifyoucantstandtheheat
It does damage children's self esteem to always be overlooked.

Then why aren't there millions of adults with confidence and self esteem issues who did not get picked at school?

flowerpot How do you know there aren't?

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if this didn't stay with people who in a workplace environment may then struggle with (say) doing a presentation?

teacher thinks I can't do it, so I must not be able to do it (speak a line on stage)

= a negative response of a non-resilient child

Instead of:
teacher hasn't picked me to speak a line, oh well, the other person probably does it better, maybe I could put myself in a better position to be picked next time or just watch and enjoy the other pupil do something well = the positive response of a resilient child

ifyoucantstandtheheat
It wouldn't surprise me one bit if this didn't stay with people who in a workplace environment may then struggle with (say) doing a presentation?

Are you saying that professionals who struggle with presentations do so because they weren't given a line in their school play?

flowerpot don't be ridiculous I'm just saying that not being given the confidence to speak publically at a young age could have an impact on confidence in adult life.

A child who is quiet at school may be more than capable of saying a line on stage. Why should they have to change their personality to be given that opportunity? That's nothing to do with resilience it's saying that you expect the child to act differently when there is no need for them to do so. Most schools don't audition for narrator/ small roles in christmas plays they pick from perceptions of the child from in the class room. This is why it has nothing to do with talent.

If you allow the child to say a line they will realise they 'can' do that and that gives many more opportunities in the future.

Of course they may not want to do that and that's fine.

My ds does have a line but is devastated as he is the inn keeper who has a wife 😂 he is currently refusing to do the play

ifyoucantstandtheheat
Again, I'd ask you for evidence for your latest stance which is "I'm just saying that not being given the confidence to speak publically at a young age could have an impact on confidence in adult life." Oh god, it doesn't, it just doesn't. Not getting a line in the school play does not impact on confidence in adult life. Likewise getting a line in the school play does not positively impact on confidence in adult life. Confidence is so much more than standing up on a stage. I spent years on the stage as a child and still go wobbly doing presentations. Some people were quiet children, never got picked or anything (loads on the internet about this), and are super presenters.

Please, and I mean this with all due respect and politeness, read up about confidence building, self esteem and resilience in children. They are deep facets of character and abilities which are affected and developed by so much more than being given lines to read at the school play. The school has a role, but you as parent have a greater role (and more time with your children), to develop all of them. And please don't leave resilience building until later.

I'll stop now as I can't seem to convince you. There are many papers out there, written by psychologists and child parenting experts, also empirical research studies. Good luck with your children btw and their pathway, whatever is the outcome.

flowerpot it is more likely to negatively impact than positively impact.

No you're not going to convince me.

I have never made an issue of my kids not getting speaking parts, particularly not with them as that would be putting an adult negative spin on it and would be unfair.

I cannot see what research would say that a child ought to change their personality (become a louder character) in order to be considered capable of a speaking role. If you can point to evidence of that nature then I'll happily read it?

I still firmly believe that it can empower a quiet child to allow them to have a speaking part.

In the meantime thanks for being a bit kinder.

also thanks for being concerned about me teaching resilience. Believe me I do teach resilience, on a daily basis, my eldest has anxiety order as well as ASD and was out of school 6 months. I have taught him the resilience to return to full time mainstream education with the support of a wonderful SEND department which no one thought would be possible. I am constantly having to teach him to be more resilient than any non ASD child would have to be as he faces more challenges due to his social and sensory perceptions than most.

But thanks for your concern.

I am always fascinated on threads like this of the intimate knowledge of the workings of teacher's minds and thaw personalities and talents of all the other children in the class that some parents seem to have......

I cannot see what research would say that a child ought to change their personality (become a louder character) in order to be considered capable of a speaking role.

I can't find anywhere where I said a child should change their personality or become a louder character in order to be considered capable of a speaking role. So I can't help on pointing you to any research on that one.

As another poster here suggested, if, after already being considered for a speaking role as being part of the pool of pupils all given the chance to be selected, your child is not selected, they want the teacher to re-consider or review their selection again, or before they've made the first selection, why don't you encourage your child to simply ask the teacher to be considered with more specific attention than the other children? If rejected at this level, I have a feeling the blow will be harder for your child to take than merely not being picked as part of the larger pool.

You didn't use those words but you did say

teacher hasn't picked me this time......maybe I could put myself in a better position to be picked next time if, and I suspect this is often the case, the quiet child is not picked because they are quiet you are, by implication, suggesting they need to become loud to deserve to be picked.

Obviously if it is an audition process, which I don't think often happens for all nativity parts , then what you say makes more sense.

I’m a primary teacher and a parent of a child (well, technically an adult now) with additional needs. Asking a child who quiet or unsure to say ‘just one line’ isn’t usually the best approach.

Every school I’ve worked in has done a year group assembly at least once a half term and there are always regular opportunities to perform/read in class. I do concern myself with the whole child but that doesn’t necessarily equal them having a line in the nativity/school play. I’d far rather build their confidence in front of their peers then in a school assembly rather than in front of an audience filled with people they don’t know. As damaging as it could be for someone not to be given the chance, it is far more damaging when they are given the chance and are unable to overcome their difficulties.

It simply isn’t a case of not getting a line in the nativity/play means never having a speaking part at school.

blondephantom you’re right that not every child would cope with it , but that shouldn’t stop the child from being asked if they’d like to. In my experience with my daughter she hasn’t been given the opportunity to speak/ read in assemblies either. Which I think she would cope with and would give her confidence

Oh ifyoucantstandtheheat listen to what people in the know are telling you...

I actually agree with ifyoucant

Tbh it doesn't matter what individual teachers say, every fucker has a different opinion, the only teacher that matters is the teacher in ops dc class.

Hopefully op went and asked if he could have a line as he would like a bash at it. There really is no need for the frothing on this thread