To be a little upset about DS Christmas play?

[NannyPlum40]

My 6yr old DS has just been told what part he is doing in the Christmas play and has no words to say.

He is upset and said he wants to say something or he doesn't want to do the play because he will be bored just sat there for 30mins.

He is more then capable of learning a few lines but because he is one of the quiet ones in class (teachers words) they always give the talking parts to the loud, confident children. Does this seem to be the norm in every school?

It seems that because my DS knuckles down at school and gets on with his work rather then being chatty, he gets penalised!!

Please let the teacher know. She could write a line for him

We do the opposite we try giving parts to quiet children and help and encourage them to learn it. Many a time I have seen a TA in the corridor with a child up the other end practising their lines and the TA saying "Great but a bit louder!"
Some children have flourished and surprised other staff, friends and parents on the night. Especially the pantos we used to do. The kids were allowed to write their own lines or change them. They were hilarious, especially the gay cat. This really shy boy got the part, not many lines, that developed and he ended up making a really camp voice for the cat. He brought the house down and it will never be forgotten. It was true panto form that year! He was thrilled with all the congratulations. Actually I might get it out and watch it. We film them all!

The thing is, it isn't just about 'wanting a bigger part' and I do think that op is right in that quieter dc often get overlooked, which isn't fair. Imagine if adults actually started asking the quieter children if they'd like to do something it might actually help them to become a little more confident/ assertive. It's the same with 'average' children. The high flyers receive a lot of attention, those who are desperately struggling receive a lot of support, but there are a huge number of 'currently bobbing along national average but with huge potential' that just get labelled as 'good enough for our test results'.

Sorry, slightly on a tangent there, but children can and do get overlooked who should be given a chance or a bit more of a push in the right direction - often simply because class sizes are too big.

I think YANBU, OP, but there are a few more years yet for your DS to get a bigger part.

My DD has just come home with her Xmas play script and is upset. She is in Year 6 and has 3 lines; the main character says more in his final line than she says in the whole play and that person also has another 20 lines to say!

She's an excellent public speaker - she learns her lines diligently and has been relied upon previously to cover for other children's absences in plays and assemblies.

As she's in Year 6, I've urged her to speak with the teacher herself. In truth, I can absolutely see why she is upset and I have to admit I am a little surprised by the division of parts, particularly for their final primary school Xmas play.

he doesn't want to do the play because he will be bored just sat there for 30mins

I'd be telling him that this attitude was appalling and that he will do the part he is given and make the best of it. Don't encourage the "I'm not doing it unless I get to do it my way attitude".

Although if you are going to the teacher to ask for a speaking part so he feels involved, it's a bit late already.

I can’t imagine many teachers who would just add in lines for any child that asked for it- can you imagine how disruptive that would be for all the scripts that have gone out and how much time it takes?

School plays have to get fitted in around so many other things, usually with children coming out of class to practice. The main speakers are usually the ones who are confident, can pick up on work when they return and who will practice at home.

Like everyone else says, look at out of school drama.

^^He will be bored just sat there for 30 mins

Am a bit sceptical about this as usually these plays have songs/carols everyone sings along to dotted throughout. At DS's primary everyone got at least a line in years 3-6.

I was a musical child and a good reader so always ended up in school uniform narrating or playing. I was also a facially plain child. One particular teacher noticed and chose me to be a fairy godmother wearing a fabulous sparkly tutu and make up. My kid on the other hand detested dressing up and partaking so always went for the most background role he could find

Ah well, millions of children have gone through their school plays without being given words through the years, and they've all managed to develop into fully functioning adults and get over the disappointment of not being chosen and the boredom of not saying something for 30 minutes, so try not to worry.

It is easily possible for every child to have some lines to say. We're not talking about the RSC here. It doesn't matter if they can't be heard. It's all about every child (within reason) having the opportunity to perform.

I’ve just had a hilarious conversation with my 6 year old where I correctly predicted who had the main leading roles (including narrator). It’s just boring and predictable and stops the quieter less obvious children from having a moment to shine.

With my older children it was predictable throughout primary with the exception of year 6. The year 6 teacher shook things up big time and made amazing plays.

Count your blessings if he forgets lines or gets stage fright just tell him to keep his hands by his side

Bunnyjo - I was that child in Year 6. The teacher absolutely hated me. I learned my two 'lines' in about a minute. There were two new girls who got full speeches.

I got the last laugh though - my role was advisor to the Mayor of Hammelin. She forgot every single line of the play, so my role of advisor involved me telling her every word in her ear when we were on stage. I ended up being put in every scene she was in, when I wasn't even supposed to be there, so I could feed her lines.

It's ridiculous that teachers do this. I don't think every child needs or wants a speaking part, but half the plays seem designed to cause this sort of angst.

I can totally sympathise. We are currently experiencing the same kind of thing with DS. He’s an extremely bright, intelligent little chap, but because he doesn’t have a pushy nature, he is getting lost in class. I love the idea from a PP that the TAs practice with the quieter children to bring out the best in them, but this sadly isn’t the case in most schools from what I see. The louder you shout the better you progress seems to be the norm 🙄 we’ve not had nativity parts dished out yet, but I’m not holding my breath that my DS will have a speaking part either! It frustrates me, as I know if they took a chance on him, he would be great, and the more these quieter children are given opportunities, the more their confidence will grow. Fair enough if a child is shy or quiet and doesn’t want to public speak, they shouldn’t be forced, that’s a different matter. But equal opportunities for all should be offered.

At the same time, I don’t think going in to speak to the teacher is really the answer. You will unfortunately not endear yourself to the staff and could come away put in your place and feeling a bit silly TBH. Its shit and it’s wrong but favouritism is rife...

Complaining about your child not having a speaking part in a school play because they're quiet is like complaining about them not being selected for the football team because they can't kick a ball, or not winning exam prizes when they didn't get very good results.

We can't be good at everything and that's okay - in fact, it's a good thing. I'm sure your DS has other skills that exceed his peers and gets other opportunities that they don't.

I’ve been there ~ DS1 wasn’t given anything more challenging than 3rd sheep from the left in school plays. He’s an actor now, with paid work. Nativity plays are just a rite of passage, but I’m sure they could give your D.S. a little something to do, even if it’s just line leader to go on the stage

I don’t think you should be indulging this.

Life isn’t fair, we don’t always get what we want and sometimes we spend time being bored.

This is the approach I’d take with my six year old, along with jollying along with ‘never mind, there’s always next hear’ etc.

I think YABU. there are the majority of children won't have lines, and only very few get substantial parts. Usually, most DC end up with a non-talking role. He won't be just sitting there but will probably be singing, maybe dancing.

don't be that parent.

Our school does not do Christmas plays beyond Y2. DS (in Y2) is in the role of a line-less sheep for the fourth year running, you couldn't make it up. Talk about typecast! He does really well in assemblies, one of the better, clearer speakers but it is what it is.

I have to admit to being a little bit disappointed as traditionally the Y2s all have lines as it's their final nativity, but oh well. I won't be bothering to watch both performances this year.

It's been similar for my older two DC too. And me at primary school. I think some of us are just the type of families that are genetically incapable of getting those roles, I'm pretty resigned to it now!

The older two do Stagecoach and absolutely shine there, it's the school's loss!

Every. Bloody. Year.

I'll make it simple, your child/children don't get speaking parts because they're not good enough or loud enough or able to remember actions and speeches or maybe were just in a different part of the classroom when parts were handed out. Just go to watch an incredibly dull, slow play that your son/daughter will sparkle in, and be thankful it's only once a year.

Different people are good at different things.

@Shattered04 I agree, some children just don’t have faces that ‘fit’ same families always seem to shine. So very sad for those not given a chance, but your children, and mine too shine in their areas outside of school, it’s just a shame that schools don’t let them bring their skills to the table sometimes

I do understand, OP, quiet children can get overlooked. DD1 (now 8) is like that, she’s very shy at school and won’t stop talking at home. She’s never had a speaking part either, she’s been a sheep and an angel. Whereas DD2 (5) is loud and confident at school and has been given a speaking part, also as an angel. I’m looking forward to helping her learn her lines.

DD1 is in the children’s choir at school and loves singing (she wants to be a pop star! ) So she’s found her way to express herself.

The suggestion to enrol your DS in a drama group is a good one. But I don’t really think speaking to the teacher is the way to go.

I find it kind of interesting that at drama school, my children do often get the better roles each time over the rest of the drama school kids. It's almost like they're being judged on merit for the few hours a week they're there, rather than some sort of week in week out classroom politics as they're not always that adept socially.

Oh please don't have a word!

Honestly. Feel somewhat smug that your child hasn't been picked out to be at the front. Guarantee it's the pain in the backside kids who have generally. It's to keep them right under the teacher's nose at the front where they can keep an eye on them!

My lovely well behaved daughter was an angel last year right at the back. 'Friend' was Angel Gabriel - right at the front. Friend's Mum liked to brag but I was quietly thinking thank christ my kid isn't like that!

Drama classes.

Peach. You’re wrong. The year that the quieter academic kids got the roles above the pushy loud kids resulted in the best school play I’d seen.

@Bunnystew That's a nice (if not exactly conclusive!) anecdote but what did the "pushy loud kids" (as you call them) get to excel at that year? Did they suddenly start getting the best grades over and above the academic children? Did they suddenly get good at sports and start winning medals?

I just don't see what's wrong with children learning that they're naturally talented at some things and other children are better at others, and that's okay.