AIBU to think it's a bit weird to put your photo as a bride as as your main

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

profile picture on FB/Twitter? especially if you haven't just got married!
Isn't it like saying 'I'm a wife first and foremost'?

I don't find that weird at all, I know someone who has a huge photo of her and her DH on their wedding day above their bed which I find a little odd but if it makes them happy who am I to judge?

@LoveforPGTipsMonkey

You know not everything is a 'feminist issue', right?

I wouldn't even look at a friend's photo and think OMG why'd she put up her wedding pic. If at all I did put thought into it, I'd know she put it up because she knows she looks good.

I mean - that is ok, isn't it? For a woman to show her best face/lovely photo off publicly? The one where she feels she looks really nice? God forbid she should feel great about herself

There's a pic floating about somewhere of me in my work uniform. Would you look at such a pic and think 'why on earth has she put that up? Depicting herself as JUST a worker'. I've no doubt that you wouldn't - it's not glam. & it's the glam that's making you envious.

You are one of those over-competitives who can't bear another woman to look good, so you slyly aim to hide your mean-spiritedness behind faux concern. Instigating a whole thread because a woman put up her wedding photo as her profile pic is wandering into saddo territory.

Which photos are acceptable, in your book? I suppose all else from kids cats dogs to granny, but even though she is married, that particular aspect of family life and photos must, oddly, be missed out.

Jealousy is the ugliest thing ever.

I know a girl who was married for a very short time (we’re talking single figures of months and I’m pretty sure it was her who did the dumping) and she uses her wedding photos on Facebook all the time.
It was her mums birthday so she put up the pic of the two of them on the day with a ‘happy birthday to the best Mum ever’ etc header.
Ditto when it was her best friends birthday, even though I’ve seen a gazillion pics of the two of them on nights out etc that she could have used.

Now I think that that is weird!

I’ve never looked as good before and I doubt I’ll look as good again. I was young (well, 33), slim and attractive on that day, so why not post photos of me looking like that??

ProfessionalPirate, not obviously no because it's a close-up. It's just a lovely photo. Does that un- you?

OP you have obviously really, really touched a nerve here with some posters.

But to my mind it feels sometimes as if there is an undercurrent of 'there is no greater achievement a woman can have than getting married

It's a photo. You have no way of knowing why they use it, and that undercurrent exists purely in your own mind. Nowhere else.

Which is really pretty weird of you, and says more about your issues.

You keep saying she’s a mature woman who used to be independent.

What does that have to do with anything?

I don’t think it’s weird at all that people want to use a professional photograph where their hair and makeup is likely nice and it’s a memory of one of the happiest days of their life as their profile picture.

And even if she is making a statement that she’s a wife first and foremost (although I think that’s a stretch) is there actually something wrong with that?

There are plenty of my male friends on using wedding photos on Facebook as profile pictures but I doubt anyone is going to accuse them of "defining themselves as a groom"

Yep my dh does too.

My FB is of our wedding day. Nothing to do with how good we looked. It was the best day ever.

I was slim and attractive on that day, so why not post photos of me looking like that??

Anybody looking you up on FB probably wants to see what you look like now

I get sick to death of women who find ways to bitch about other women's looks, and be crabby about them looking nice particularly if it's a public photo they know other people will like. Didn't we not 3 days ago have the 'women wear too much makeup' alongside the 'female uni students dress like hookers' threads? Women get enough shit out there as it is, without women shallow and silly enough to envy another based on looks (& normally youth too), sticking their oar in. Can't a Harpies Hideaway corner be created so envious types can huddle over there....

Weird for tinder

There are plenty of my male friends on using wedding photos on Facebook as profile pictures but I doubt anyone is going to accuse them of "defining themselves as a groom"
Good point

Mistress it's not envy based on that photo, she looked good on her previous one, more natural but groomed, and the one before. This one doesn't look quite like her (I saw her in RL) because the eye makewup is so heavy. Also I looked equally good on my wedding day (also with extra makeup) but even if I was still married, it wouldn't occur to me to put it as main pic on a public social media because it's like putting an ID card. I think prof uniform is not at all strange because you spend most of your hours doing that profession, but if you pit yourself up as 'forever a bride' in veil, that's how everyone new would think of you, that it's what you are most proud of? As I say I' haven't seen any other bride alone profile pics before, although I don't look at huge number of photos. Group wedding photos are different.

I'm not saying it's wrong by the way, I 'm just saying this is how it comes across (well not too all as I've found out).

LyingWitch - 'touched the nerve' ha, you can say that again! I didn't expect this reaction.
Mistress it's just chat, no need to be that outraged about it! I didn't say it wasn't acceptable - I was curious how others see it. I (and some others) wouldn't choose to do it as opposed to any other nice-looking picture of ourselves. As I said, her previous photos were good/better!

Oh OP, give over. For whatever reason, you have enough of a problem with pictures of brides that you weren't content just to roll your eyes and scroll on, but you had to run to the net to start a bitchfest among a whole load of people who don't know this woman from Adam. I don't know what your complex is, but for your own happiness you need to get over it. It's horrid.

The only thing more tedious than people being silly on social media is people whinging online about people being silly on social media.

If someone posts something that you personally do not like, just scroll on and forget about it. I'd rather be the person who posts a bridal photo than the person who's not satisfied until she's got an anonymous bitchfest going on about it.

At the very worst, she's vain or vapid. But you're spiteful.

LoveforPGTips Of course its jealousy. Its glaringly obvious. All the ruminating and speculation over a mate's photo? So many people put up photos of themselves when they were little, or at Uni, or getting married etc, as their main pic. Thats just what happens on FB. You are bothered because it's a bridal pic and because she looks good. I bet if she was in her work uniform from say last year, you wouldn't say a thing. You are reaching...

sorry, I thought I was addressing another poster in 1st paragraph so some repeats there, Mistress.

Poor, why 'bitchfest'? if anything she's got a lot of defenders. I'm sure you can find all sort of unimportant chat/aibu threads on a sunday on MN - we are allowed to chat about anything we like. My main reason was not to bitch but to ask whether that's a statement she's making, and what others thought about it, especially from a feminist perspective.

Yabu. No different than someone putting a picture of themselves in a graduate cap and gown. Marriage is a milestone.

Mistress, she's not my mate - I would have asked a mate directly (nicely), not discuss her on MN. I'd still ask a mate out of curiousity, purely because I wouldn't have done it myself AND I haven't seen any others, on Twitter at any rate. Also as I mentioned I looked good on my wedding photos as do most women really.
Really didn't think it was only about looking good - but maybe it was for her, having read the responses.

Poor, why 'bitchfest'? if anything she's got a lot of defenders.

Yeah, and that was totally your intention when starting this spiteful thread, wasn't it? To get a load of people on board to say lovely things about her?

we are allowed to chat about anything we like.

Nobody has said you aren't allowed to talk about it, fgs. Some of us are saying it shows a very ugly side of your character. If there's one thing I hate, it's when people are challenged on saying something nasty and then start channeling bloody Voltaire.

My main reason was not to bitch

Of course it was.

but to ask whether that's a statement she's making, and what others thought about it, especially from a feminist perspective.

Oh no, sorry, that was only one thing I hate. There's lots of others too. And another one is when someone so transparently attempts to start a bitchfest about a random woman who's posted a nice bridal picture of herself, and then goes all faux-intellectual about it and claim that in fact she's just so very CONCERNED for this poor downtrodden homebody, and actually can't we all start a sociological analysis of what this says about FEMINISM and SOCIETY and indeed everything except why the hell OP has such an enormous chip on her shoulder that she can't just shrug and scroll and forget about it like, well, pretty much everyone else?

Anais Nin once said that we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. And you are most definitely seeing this poor sap's profile picture as you are. Figure out why and deal with it, because you will not be happy until you do.

Tower, sure, but usually soon/straight after the event? anyway I accept that 'weird' was too harsh a word.

I just saw this gem: "I was asking opinions as to her motive."

OP....

HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW????

We don't know her! You're the one who knows her. If you're that curious to know her "motive" (fgs), why don't you just ask her? Or are you worried that that would look odder than putting the question to two million Mumsnetters who wouldn't know who you're talking about if she slapped us across the face?

Maybe she's totally vain and vapid and has absolutely no identity other than being married. Maybe she thinks it's a nice photo. Maybe she's trying to seduce all the men on Facebook. Maybe it's her anniversary. Maybe she's just renewed her vows. Maybe she lost a bet. How in the fuck are we supposed to know?

And more importantly, who cares?

Poor, really without knowing you can be so judgy as to KNOW what exactly my motives where and who am I 'channeling'. Do you come all heavy on anyone who posts something you find unpleasant? I'm allowed to ask for opinions, and yes I thought my opinion that it's a strange thing to do would be shared by many, and as you could see there were posters who agreed, but more defenders too.

Has it escaped you that my post was in form of a question (AIBU) - which allows for the fact that I'm AIBU to some extent? I can equally judge you for being so bloody mean and spiteful to me. She's not a random woman either, I know her superficially through others hence knowing she used to be independent, and see her occasionally but without chatting/being mates. Btw my degree was sociology, I'm genuinely interested in people's motives too. I can equally say, if you don't like a thread, shrug and skip through - I wouldn't ask this though as you can do what you like, same as I can ask/comment on whatever. I know for sure that I didn't feel the rage about this photo, I exactly felt that it was an odd thing to do, a bit cringe at worst, you are projecting your rage on others .