Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After divorce did you change your surname?

133 replies

Justoneme · 12/11/2017 11:09

Following on from another thread I am interested in knowing; after divorce did you revert back to your maiden name?

If yes why?
And if no why?

OP posts:
Pacificly · 14/11/2017 09:59

Haven't changed my name to DHs when we married over a decade ago figured if he gets to keep his then sure why not me too!
Also my dc from a previous not married r'ship have *MYname' as clearly I'm not following traditional and I'm glad of it as exp had no interest in being a father after spilt!

Mil has queried the reason for getting married if one doesn't change their name to Dhs. Its a bone of contention still as she even addresses my birthday card to MrDhname. I don't exist Hmm

I do wonder what's posters thoughts on if they keep Exh name after divorce and the exh goes on to remarry and then there is two
MrsExhname? Does that make any difference as technically the exh doesn't legally have two Mrs' hisname?

JacquesHammer · 14/11/2017 10:09

I will agree that still calling yourself "Mrs ex..." after you divorce is strange though. Technically you are no longer a "Mrs" and why would you even want to do that in this day and age?

Actually thinking about it, very few people ever called me "Mrs ex".

The kids where I volunteer did (and still do because I'm not that bothered about correcting children).

Even cold callers are calling me "first name" now without prompting. What happened to standards Grin

SoupDragon · 14/11/2017 10:17

I do wonder what's posters thoughts on if they keep Exh name after divorce and the exh goes on to remarry and then there is two
MrsExhname? Does that make any difference as technically the exh doesn't legally have two Mrs' hisname?

There are lots of people called Mrs "Smith". Unless you are calling yourself in the style Mrs John Smith then really don't see how this is an issue.

And "have two Mrs Hisname"??? Do you think we belong to our husbands, ex or current? .

MirandaWest · 14/11/2017 10:30

I stayed as Mrs "Name I took on in 1st marriage" after I got divorced as it was my name. I presume you can't call yourself Dr I you aren't one but are there are any restrictions on using Mrs?
XH has got married again but his DW has kept her own surname anyway.
I also believe there are a few people with the same surname I used to have so I wasn't unique anyway (might well be now with this double barrelled marlaky)

namechange2222 · 14/11/2017 10:51

Kept married name. It’s pissing ex off now he’s remarried. No idea why. Just because I chose to divorce doesn’t mean I never was married

namechange2222 · 14/11/2017 10:52

Oh and I still call myself Mrs.

JacquesHammer · 14/11/2017 13:16

I do wonder what's posters thoughts on if they keep Exh name after divorce and the exh goes on to remarry and then there is two
MrsExhname? Does that make any difference as technically the exh doesn't legally have two Mrs' hisname?

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. New MrsEx is lovely.

And he didn't "legally have me". What happened was I legally changed my name.

Rainbunny · 14/11/2017 19:58

Miranda and Namechange - I have to admit that I am fascinated that you both prefer to be a Mrs rather than Ms/Miss again. Then again, I'm probably biased as I loathe the term Mrs and go by Ms. even though I am married.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 14/11/2017 20:01

Professionally and on social media I reverted back but officially I’m still Mrs Blah. I’m waiting till my passport expires then I’ll change everything official

Whataboutmeee · 14/11/2017 20:01

I changed my name back straight away. It did bother me that his mother, stepmother and all his family had his name. I couldn't wait to get rid of the name which I felt identified myself with him.

He was very offended though even though he was the one who walked out of the door.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 14/11/2017 20:02

Maybe because I’m mid 40’s but I don’t notice whether people call me Miss or Mrs. I don’t mind either way but do notice my first name used more often than not

Whataboutmeee · 14/11/2017 20:02

Most divorced women I know have kept their married name because of the children but it's never been a moment's bother for me or my dc.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2017 20:05

I stuck with Mrs. Miss sounds too young and I don't like the sound of Ms. I don't care if people use either though.

Originally Mrs applied to married and Unmarried women though.

MirandaWest · 14/11/2017 21:21

I'm Mrs again now anyway as have got married again Grin

But I was used to being Mrs othername and so couldn't really be bothered to change. I too don't like the sound of Ms although I also don't mind what other people do.

MirandaWest · 14/11/2017 21:23

I would prefer there to just be no titles though. Men are just Mr - none of this deciding what to do.

Rainbunny · 15/11/2017 01:55

When I lived in Japan I liked the simplicity of the honorific "San" Everyone male or female has San attached to their name. I liked being Rainbunny San! Gender defining honorifics are annoying. That said I live in the States and practice law here and it still feels strangely wrong that lawyers here both male and female can add Esq. after their name to denote their status as a lawyer.

Wincarnis · 15/11/2017 03:30

Kept the married name for convenience as used it professionally and, more importantly, it pissed him off. It’s a unique name and he wanted the new Mrs X to be the only one. Buahahaha...

BringMeSunshinePlease · 19/11/2017 16:21

How very sad of those of you who choose to keep your married name for the sole purpose of pissing off your former husband. Just sad.

streetlife70s · 19/11/2017 16:31

I kept it as it my ex doesn’t ‘own’ a name and as we were married when we had children our children also shared that name.
When we divorced it became clear very quickly that the 50/50 care arrangement wasn’t going to be acceptable to him once he got a girlfriend and that I would be the main carer. So I wanted the same name as my children.
When I remarried I sought permission to double barrel their names so they shared my new name and felt part of the new set up as well as keeping the connection to their biological father.

Both the children and my ex were happy with that and it’s all worked out well.

redannie118 · 19/11/2017 16:38

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

BringMeSunshinePlease · 19/11/2017 16:45

How very good of you not minding that your exes new wife takes HIS name.

SoupDragon · 19/11/2017 17:27

You seem to be taking this very personally.

WantingMuchMore · 19/11/2017 17:31

Reverted to maiden name. I wouldn't have thought to keep his name when we were no longer married.

WhataLovelyPear · 19/11/2017 17:47

I kept on as Mrs Ex's name, mostly because we'd been married for so long that it felt like my name, not just his. I'd set up a business using it and didn't want to rebrand. Plus we have children and distancing myself from his name because of him felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth for them too. Ten years on and I've remarried. I kept the Ex's name for business and changed to the new husband's name for personal use, but it's two years on and I still have various credit cards, utility bills etc in the old name. It's such a faff but I will get there... eventually.

Cupoteap · 19/11/2017 17:54

I really want to change my name but won’t because of the dc - I don’t want a different name to them