Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

After divorce did you change your surname?

133 replies

Justoneme · 12/11/2017 11:09

Following on from another thread I am interested in knowing; after divorce did you revert back to your maiden name?

If yes why?
And if no why?

OP posts:

Original poster

Justoneme · 13/11/2017 18:12

FairPlay passports are costly

OP posts:

Original poster

Justoneme · 13/11/2017 18:13

Gosh ... love reading this view through the eye of a child.

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 13/11/2017 18:14

No, thank goodness I'd kept my name in the first place!

I do wish I'd double barrelled the kids' surnames to include mine though. Wasn't thinking when dc1 was born!

Original poster

Justoneme · 13/11/2017 18:15

I find this interesting too.

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 13/11/2017 18:15

No. I wanted same surname as my DCs.
& I get on well with ExH anyway so it's never been an issue

blackteasplease · 13/11/2017 18:17

pinkshears I think alternatively a court order but I might be wrong and it might be hard to get.

My dd would really prefer to have my Mum's surname as would most of us as it's the nicest!

EllenJanethickerknickers · 13/11/2017 18:26

I stuck with my married name as my DS3 struggled with the divorce and really wanted us to have the same name. I wasn't sentimental over names myself, though would probably preferred to go back to my maiden name if DS3 hadn't been so worried about it. Given my time again I wouldn't have married the creep changed my name on marriage.

catrin · 13/11/2017 18:42

As many pps, I wanted to retain the same name as my dd and it is the name I am known as professionally. Xh also unwittingly contributed - told me that as I would have a different name to dd he'd "do me for kidnapping" every time I tried to take her abroad. He was quite gutted when I kept it.

lalalalyra · 13/11/2017 18:48

I think it's quite worrying that people still believe you having the same name as your child makes a jot of difference over if you get asked questions when you travel. It doesn't. Profiling and random checks dictate that. Not names, especially given so many places and cultures where children have their fathers names and women don't change.

You'll get stopped if your child looks nervous, or if you are the fifth person through, or if you are selected at random, or a myriad of other reasons... not a name.

And it doesn't mean you do or don't need permission to take your child abroad. It doesn't affect that whatsoever.

ConfusedLivingDoll · 13/11/2017 19:10

Justoneme: I'm not sure what I will do when I marry DP, as DS is still quite young and I don't want him to feel "abandoned" if I change surname. Agree that keeping STBXDH's name once remarried would be weird, though. No idea. Double barrelling would be similarly odd. Don't want my maiden name back. Maybe will choose another name altogether, as all my family names are foreign (not great in current brexit climate and a pain to spell).

BobbinThreadbare123 · 13/11/2017 19:23

I stuck with the name until I remarried and changed it to DH's name. I'd been it for ages, I liked the sound of the name and change was a faff. No kids.

MirandaWest · 13/11/2017 19:31

I kept the same name when I got divorced. Was the name I'd had nearly all my adult life. Plus was the same surname as my DC.

When I got remarried last year I double barrelled with DHs surname. Many people have found this odd (probably DH did a bit but he got over it).

In retrospect I'd never have changed my surname in the first place but we do many things without properly thinking

MadameJosephine · 13/11/2017 19:33

No, because I like the sound of it better than my previous name. I also wanted to have the same name as my DS however now I have another DC and we have different surnames as she has her dad’s

MsMcMurphy · 13/11/2017 19:39

Yes changed my name when I married, it just seemed right and traditional I suppose. Unfortunately, his ex (who had kept her maiden name thoughout THEIR marriage and were 3 years divorced when I met DH decided to change her name to Mrs XH (my DH) when we got married. I swallowed a lot of bile taking that high road.

Dontknowwherethelineis · 13/11/2017 19:43

I'm at the beginning of a separation and I won't revert to my maiden name as I want the same name as my dc. Having said that I still don't really associate myself with myarroed name, when I hear it it sounds like it has inverted commas around it, so I have only ever really identified with my full maiden name. Like it being legally the same as dcs though.

ilovekitkats · 13/11/2017 19:47

I changed back to my maiden name as I had it for over 30 years and was only married for a few years. most people round here still thought of me by maiden name anyway.

Yes it is now different to DC's but my friend didn't change hers for that reason, then remarried and is now a different name anyway.

If I travel abroad then I take copy of marriage certificate, decree absolute, deed poll, and DC's birth certificates, so that it is proven that they are mine, as i know this can be an issue.

spanieleyes · 13/11/2017 19:51

At a recent family event where we all stayed overnight there was, in the hotel register
Mr Spanieleyes 1( my ex)
Mr Spanieleyes 2 ( my eldest)
Mr Spanieleyes 3 ( my youngest
Mr Spanieleyes 4 ( My ex-brother in law)
Mrs Spanieleyes 1 ( my ex mother in law)
Mrs Spanieleyes 2 ( me)
Mrs Spanieleyes 3 ( my ex's new wife)
Mrs Spanieleyes 4( my ex brother in laws ex wife!)
Ms Spanieleyes 1 ( my ex sister in law)

That caused some confusion!!

OCSockOrphanage · 13/11/2017 20:02

I used my maiden name professionally during my career, as my XDH had an unpronounceable East European surname. And when I remarried, I kept it, until I changed professions and there was no longer 'brand' value. Now I am Mrs Orphanage, but still officer commanding!

NegansBitch · 13/11/2017 20:09

My husbands ex wife kept her married name
(they had no dc together... she cheated and left dh while he was at work, taking everything that wasnt screwed down in the house.... in fact she phoned him up and asked if he could unplumb the dishwasher so she could come back for it)

anyway she kept his surname, he met me, we got engaged and pregnant and then she gets a job at my workplace!!! Mrs negan and soon-to-be-new Mrs negan!! working in a small workplace... I think in the end some of her family spoke to her and said she was been UR to make it awkward for me and she left.

still dont understand why she would keep her married name for years after leaving him!!!

Autumnchill · 13/11/2017 20:10

I kept it as I use it professionally and have since remarried and still kept it, husband isn't precious about taking his name but if I book a restaurant etc, I will use his surname

Rainbunny · 13/11/2017 20:31

If I could turn back the clock to my first marriage I would not have changed my original surname but I did, admittedly for the shallow reasons that I had always hated my family surname, it is impossible to pronounce or spell without me telling you how to say/spell it so I was happy to change it for a much easier straightforward surname. When I divorced I kept the name for convenience sake and because frankly I felt that it was my name name now, I had just as much right to use it as my ex-H. It certainly wasn't because I had any feelings for him remaining. Again if could go back in time I would have reverted back to my annoying original name but I didn't feel that way then and there were so many being life changes to navigate at that time, changing my name again was one chore too many.

Now, I am married again and guess what? I kept my name (from my first marriage) which my DH wasn't happy about at first but again it came down to me not wanting the fuss of changing so many documents so I suggested that we both change our names to a new last name so we could both experience the hassle of changing all our documentation. Not surprisingly my DH decided that he didn't care what my name was. Over the years though I have changed my thoughts on this and I would at this point like to change my last name back to my original surname and add my DH's on as a double barrelled last name.

marriednotdead · 13/11/2017 20:36

My DCs took their dads' surnames while I still had my maiden name. Married and now divorced someone else (no DCs together) and for now at least I've kept his name.

It's easier to spell/pronounce than my old name and because of who it connected me to, I was glad to be shot of it.
I suspect it pisses exh off that I have kept his name despite initiating the divorce- as he was a miserable controlling git that thought amuses me just a bit

Can't decide what title to use now, none of the standard options feel right, would love to change it to 'whatever' which is my usual response when asked!

ElspethTascioni · 13/11/2017 20:38

I changed mine back to my maiden name because (1) I'd never really wanted to change it anyway; and (2) I was only in my 20s and it was foreseeable I might marry again and have more DC and I didn't want that point to be when I changed my name to be different to my DC1 &2 - it seemed like that might feel like a rejection or an exclusion of them from a "new" family. So I went back to my maiden name with the intention of keeping it thereafter and so none of any children I might have would have the same name, rather than some sharing it and some not.

I did remarry and have two more kids and we are a happy three name household! I have my name, DH has his and all the DC have the same names as their respective fathers. Me and DH discussed our 2 shared DC having my name, but I thought that would exclude my older 2 DC, so we stick with his. DC1 has since told me it does matter to him and he is grateful for the approach I took.

On a personal level, I took my professional exams post-divorce and so I practise in my own name and that feels good!

Rainbunny · 13/11/2017 20:41

Negans - she kept her name because it WAS her name, she wasn't borrowing it. I kept my married name but believe me it wasn't because I had any positive feelings about my ex-h and thankfully I never saw him again after the divorce. I kept it because it was my name now and it was how people both in professional circles and social circles knew me. So in your dh's ex-wife case it wasn't his name that she decided to "keep" it was HER name now simple as that.

If you go through the trouble of legally changing your name you acquire complete ownership of it, not conditional temporary ownership.

Rainbunny · 13/11/2017 20:45

I will agree that still calling yourself "Mrs ex..." after you divorce is strange though. Technically you are no longer a "Mrs" and why would you even want to do that in this day and age?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread