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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

After divorce did you change your surname?

133 replies

Justoneme · 12/11/2017 11:09

Following on from another thread I am interested in knowing; after divorce did you revert back to your maiden name?

If yes why?
And if no why?

OP posts:

MissCherryCakeyBun · 12/11/2017 13:54

Changed as soon as possible DD has a hyphenated version of me and her dads name ( mine was already double barrelled so just took one of mine and his ) so she has never had the same name as me and her dad just a version of it. I married my now ExH and became Mrs Fuckwit. Lived that way for 5 years and have now gone back to my maiden name following Divorce.....I did it by DeedPol as soon as the house sold following the divorce as this made the sale easier. I love my maiden name and should I ever marry again ( exceedingly unlikely as loving my new partner and as both divorcees we don’t ever want to marry again

DD (25) has said she won’t change her name when/if she marries and will follow my lead and incorporate both names for children should she have them.

trainedopossum · 12/11/2017 13:59

I kept my married name because it's easier to say than my birth name and people generally don't mishear it which used to happen fairly often. It is also alliterative with my first name which makes it memorable.

By the time I divorced I had broken off contact with my father so had no desire to be associated with that family. As someon said upthread I liked my ex more than my father.

I'm remarried and didn't change my name again because I had that name for 20-odd years and at my age I don't fancy having a different one. Dh doesn't mind either way, he finds the whole name change thing odd and knows me by this name.

MissCherryCakeyBun · 12/11/2017 13:59

Also it’s not at all unusual in other parts of the world for every member of a family to have different last names..... my Aunt is Ugandan and her and all 4 of her sons have different names as is normal in her culture. She was highly amused at the idea she would change her name when she married my uncle....Mrs Mason? Mrs Okhelo thank you.

SoupDragon · 12/11/2017 13:59

I kept it as I preferred it to my original one.

NoGoodAtHousework · 12/11/2017 14:09

*I’m changing mine back to my maiden name and won’t be changing it again I’m the future regardless of marriage.

When I got married, I couldn’t wait to be mrs, however, after the event, I missed my maiden name.

I’m not too bothered about having a different name to DS as he was born before I got married, that being said, I will continue to be known as mrs X as far as school are concerned for ease. Only minor thing is I’ll carry a copy of his birth certificate when we travel.

I can’t wait to be miss again, have* been using it professionally for a while due to a change* in job and it’s ace.. it’s a memorable name in an unusual industry* (for a female)

**sorry don’t know how I managed to make this all bold 🤦🏽‍♀️

Gazelda · 12/11/2017 14:11

I kept my married name. I was heartbroken that he wanted to divorce me, I wasn’t ready (despite years of EA, DV, affairs ...). Also, my married name was my name, I didn’t just borrow it. No children.

However, I later had a child and we gave her my DP’s surname. I became the ‘odd one out’ which bugged me. But then we married and I took my new husband’s surname.

VileyRose · 12/11/2017 14:13

Changed it back. Not bothered about having same name as kids really.

FrancisCrawford · 12/11/2017 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LakieLady · 12/11/2017 14:21

I didn't bother changing mine back when I got divorced. It was such a hassle changing everything when we got married (my marriage certificate got lost by DVLA or the passport office or some mob of incompetents, and we had to get another copy).

And my married name makes much better anagrams than my maiden name.

DP's a bit meh about me still having what he sees as my ex's name though.

IrritatedUser1960 · 12/11/2017 14:27

I never changed my own name to my husbands name to start with, and my son took my name, much to his fathers disgust, that really dented his pride I can tell you.
it's just a name - big deal

SavageBeauty73 · 12/11/2017 14:31

Yes. Didn't ever want to change it so couldn't wait to change it back.

I'm NEVER changing my name again.

pinkingshears · 12/11/2017 15:04

Does anyone know pls? or would i be better to ask in the legal section?

SoupDragon · 12/11/2017 15:09

pinkingshears Do I need exH permission / their permission (13, 10) to change their surnames?

My understanding is that you do need his permission to change their surnames, yes.

Hippychickster · 12/11/2017 15:14

I changed my name back to my maiden name. My children both have my name as a middle name.

I have now remarried but still have my maiden name. It’s who I am and I won’t change it again.

LittleCandle · 12/11/2017 15:18

I only recently went back to my maiden name 8 years after separating then divorcing. Initially, it was too much hassle to think about - I had enough to worry about. I then contemplated doing it, but hadn't got around to it. Then he said something (not directly to me, but reported to me by DD2) and thought that I really didn't want that connection to him anymore, if he could behave like such a wanker. So i changed back. It has taken me a while to remember when signing my name that it is different, but the number of times I have to sign it in my new job is swiftly curing me of that problem! DD2 changed her name within a few weeks of him walking out (to a totally unrelated name) although DD1 kept his surname. She now wishes she had registered DGD in her surname instead of the tosser who is her father. I said so at the time, but what do I know?

Spangles1963 · 12/11/2017 15:27

When I got divorced 18 years ago,I decided to keep my married name. Firstly because I had never liked my maiden name,and secondly,and more importantly,I wanted to have the same surname as my DD. I could envisage being constantly asked why I had a different surname to my DD,and her being asked why her's was different to mine. And last but not least,I quite frankly couldn't be arsed with all the palaver that would be inolved if I had to change my name regarding my bank,doctor's,council,DD's school etc. Ironically,I had people keep asking me why I hadn't reverted to my maiden name! Some people gave me the impression that it was compulsory,and that I had no right to keep my married name!

Mittens1969 · 12/11/2017 15:36

I’ve never been divorced myself, but my DSis divorced her abusive ex and went back to her MN as soon as she was free to do so. Now she’s happily remarried so it’s no longer an issue.

But it seems to depend on how awful the marriage was and whether there were DCs involved, thankfully, in my DSis’s case, there weren’t.

pinkingshears · 12/11/2017 15:39

Thanks SoupDragon I guess that is logical. I just wish I'd hypenated from the beginning. As they are both our children it would have made sense

BalloonDinosaur · 12/11/2017 15:40

I’m not married (or divorced) but my DM changed hers and her DC’s surname to something random when she got divorced. Didn’t like her married name or her maiden name.

When she married my dad, she couldn’t be bothered to change it again, didn’t want to leave her DC with a random surname that didn’t connect them to anyone, so kept it.

I have my dad’s surname and hers as a middle name (not double barrelled)

insideoutsider · 12/11/2017 15:56

I got decree absolut in the morning and by lunch time, I had sent my forms off to the deedpoll company to change my name. I couldn't bear having to say his name every time I said mine.

As for the children, I changed their name to double-barrelled so that they had my name too. After all, I did most of the work in birthing and caring for them - they should have my name too. I did it without his consent and obviously, he went crazy. However, he was pacified knowing they still had his name.

TheWorldIsMyCakePop · 12/11/2017 16:00

Only when I remarried some years later. By that point ex had a long term partner and I didn't want both of us to be mrs X Dislike that DD and I don't have the same surname, but life doesn't always pan out as planned.

herethereandeverywhere · 12/11/2017 20:16

Hey Jacques - I hope you're balancing that view with some information about how it's good to be different? How developing a sense of self is key?

JacquesHammer · 13/11/2017 17:10

@herethrereandeverywhere

She's an 11 year old mini-goth who doesn't give a frick what anyone thinks of her and is quite happy to go her own way so I think we've got that covered.

When she was 7 she didn't - understandably - want to be different from me. It was a very valid way to feel and one that I have absolutely no regrets about acquiescing to.

ConfusedLivingDoll · 13/11/2017 17:22

I changed it on marriage as my maiden surname was foreign and I was bored of spelling it. Also don't much like my father. Getting divorced now, but it's amicable so I think keep it to have the same name as DS. Don't know what I will do if I get married to DP, though.

Original poster

Justoneme · 13/11/2017 18:10

Surely you wouldn't keep your ex surname if you got married to your DP?

OP posts:

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