MIL and 1st Birthday Cake

[FakeCakeWars]

Quick straw poll: if you really like baking cakes and you'd spoken to your MIL about looking forward to making a particular cake for your child's birthday, would you be upset if she then made your child's 1st birthday cake without asking you first? Or would you think she was just trying to do something/ nice helpful?

Accidentally drop the other cake. Be super sorry.

'Oh I'm so sorry. So lucky it was only the back up cake'

Birthday cake for birthday breakfast is the tradition in our house.

Maybe use hers for a cake smash?

" MIL is going to do a cake as she's excited about it".

She really needs telling no about this imo.

That your cake will be sufficient.

I went on a couple of baking and topper courses in anticipation of my very overpowering MIL and SIL taking over my children's birthdays. They did try and failed. My cakes are amazing

You need to go shopping tomorrow or on Monday because your MIL is going to swoop in there with baby's first Christmas stocking, main present, grotto visit and advent calendar. You need to start heading her off at the pass before she organises and buys things and then gets upset when you say you wanted to do it yourself and your DH won't back you up.

So sorry MIL, I've already booked our grotto visit/ done baby's stocking/ have 3 Advent calendars. Tilt head.

You need to start doing this and she will soon get the message.

DO NOT TELL HER WHAT YOU ARE BUYING YOUR DC FOR CHRISTMAS.

Go for it OP. This is the ultimate cake off.

I’m picturing something like a 4ft Croque en Bouche tower or at least tiers! Tiers I say. And Rainbow layers.

Stand your ground.

Alternative to Banyan give MIL things that can be 'hers' that you don't mind much about.

MIL would you like to be in charge or choosing and buying and advent calendar yearly, it can be your special 'thing'.

MIL at Easter would you like to buy the Lindt Bunny. It would be a lovely tradition for you to start. / Would you like to organsie an Easter egg hunt at yours.

I agree that you need to nip it in the bud, totally not on. You need to tell her that it’s out of line, and that your cake is the main one that there will be candles on.

I generally despise cake smashes on principle, but I think one posters suggestion of using hers for one does have some merit

I think it’s great that you’ve spoken to your DH and changed the plans OP. I too love baking, I feel my MIL would do this too if she into baking (thank goodness she’s not).

I still wouldn’t let it rest that she’s still baking a cake and though. If “she’s excited about it” then it should be understood that you are too. Why should you not be able to show off your cake and only have it at breakfast, while she gets to have hers at the “bigger” event?
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it (I wouldn’t with my MIL, she’s an overly sensitive person and it would cause more hassle than it’s worth), then take advantage of the fact that it’s in your home now and you’re more in control. Do something similar as other people have suggested. Happily take her cake from her when she arrives and pop it in the kitchen. When the time comes for cake, only put candles on your (superior) cake, lite them, sing happy birthday and take photos/video. Then when it comes to serving, ask “Ok, who wants birthday cake? Or there’s some of Granny’s lovely chocolate/lemon/Victoria cake as well?” And serve up what people request, just make sure DC only gets your cake (or gets yours first), the official birthday cake. That way you’re not ignoring her “kind” gesture but also putting your foot down that you’re the mother and you bake your childrens’ birthday cakes.

Not unreasonable at all. She's had her children and their first birthdays. It's your turn. Bake the cake and tell her you are sorry she wasted her time.

Is it also a case of him feeling defensive of his parents? My MIL is similar and my DH usually feels I'm being unreasonable. It's v frustrating.
Make your own cake and either take it with you, pointing out that you'd told MIL that you were looking forward to it
OR
Have your cake as a family at home beforehand.

I always find it amazing that the dhs will upset their wives but never their mothers. Dh I’m looking at you!

Meant to add - Well done for standing your ground.

It won’t end here, my MIL was the same and she knew what she was doing. She felt right to be doing it as well, some people are very controlling, if you let them.

Remember to update us on how the day goes!!