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Original poster

The weird things that non parents say...

355 replies

Wiggles9408 · 08/11/2017 22:26

Just a general one, no malice intended but what are your experiences of the things that people without children have said to you in regards to parenting?

My examples are as follows (all in one day): dd is 6mo I went into work for a KIT day and a few of my colleagues that don’t have children (in amongst genuine lovely questions about dd) said the following ‘Babies seem easy to me now I’ve got a rabbit..’ and ‘so what’s it like?’ My answer ‘harder than I’d imagined’ the response ‘oh really? I just imagined you watching Disney films all day with a baby!’
And my favourite one EVER ‘I’d love to be getting paid to do nothing all day but watch Jeremy Kyle!’
I know they probably weren’t meant to come across so ummmm belittling but in my head I did have a few brash come backs but didn’t say anything just laughed it off. so anyone else had comments made that left them a little HmmConfused

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 09/11/2017 08:51

‘When I gave kids I will never let them interrupt me, they will wait until I finish speaking.’

‘I’m just going to make sure they are in a really good routine early on, that way they will feel secure and we can get some sleep.’

ME!! Blush Blush Blush

Obvs before I had DC. What a dick.

DryIce · 09/11/2017 08:52

I can't get my knickers in a knot about this kind of thing. It just seems to descend into competitive tiredness, or my life is harder than yours.

I have a 3 month old - and at every step of the pregnancy and now parenthood someone is always there to say 'just wait til...' as if happily contemplating my coming misery.

I personally feel fine, I've always suffered from insomnia so feel as rested if not more than usual, despite baby not yet having learnt to sleep more than about 3 hours at best. I don't know why someone without kids wouldn't be able to commiserate with tiredness.

I also got cats a few years ago and they were indeed the closest thing I've done to having a baby! People are just trying to share experiences, if they don't have kids what do you expect them to say when you're discussing your kids at length?

Gunpowder · 09/11/2017 08:53

Btw I didn’t say these things to the parents I was secretly judging btw, THANK GOD. Just to other childless ppl.

KERALA1 · 09/11/2017 08:54

"Are you going to write a book on mat leave to fill the time?" Work colleague.

"Why hasn't she said thank you? Kids these days tut" childfree BIl to dd who was 9 months and pre verbal so no, didn't say thank you!

graziemille · 09/11/2017 08:55

How does it work if you have dogs, cats and a baby?

Laiste · 09/11/2017 08:56

Ah, i think this thread is now what's known as a perfect storm.

brasty · 09/11/2017 08:57

Some people with illness experience terrible chronic tiredness. Don't assume that all non parents have no idea what chronic sleep deprivation feels like.

sweetbitter · 09/11/2017 09:04

I remember being the only non parent at a lunch with some friends, and them all heartily laughing and agreeing in response to one of them who said " can you imagine, [name of other childless friend] asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema the other day! She hasn't got a fucking clue!". I'll never forget it as it was the first time I realised the divide between 'us' and 'them' and I didn't like it at all. I still don't.

Original poster
Wiggles9408 · 09/11/2017 09:06

Skarossinkplunger thanks for the apology. Not laughing at their expense just at the comments that have been made to people. I don’t quite understand you’re problem is here, people on this post are laughing at themselves and stuff they said before having their dc because before you have dc the whole concept is quite different to the reality. My colleagues genuinely believe I get lay ins and chill out watching tv, but as a lot of people have also said some childfree people don’t neccisarily want to hear us harp on about our dc because they don’t have much to compare to it.

OP posts:
Shiela2017 · 09/11/2017 09:07

sweetbitter Smug 'i'm busier and more tired than everyone else' parents are the worst!

brasty · 09/11/2017 09:08

I think most people don't want someone to harp on about their DC, because they want a conversation. So comparing the trials and tribulations of potty training is a conversation. A long monologue about the trials and tribulations of potty training is different. The same with people talking about pets, politics or lots of other things.

cambodianfoxhound · 09/11/2017 09:11

I remember being the only non parent at a lunch with some friends, and them all heartily laughing and agreeing in response to one of them who said " can you imagine, [name of other childless friend] asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema the other day! She hasn't got a fucking clue!". I'll never forget it as it was the first time I realised the divide between 'us' and 'them' and I didn't like it at all. I still don't.

This says it best for me, I was struggling to articulate why all these 'hilarious' stories hit a nerve and hurt.

Shiela2017 · 09/11/2017 09:12

brasty Totally agree, people harping on about children/babies are so fucking dull! Just as dull as people who bang on about their political views....

brasty · 09/11/2017 09:13

It isn't talking about children that is dull, it is monologues. I have had brilliant conversations about politics. A monologue with someone who is not interested is just rude.

Talith · 09/11/2017 09:17

Another tiredness one! A younger member of the family telling me they understood what being tired with a newborn was like because the car alarm outside was going off all night.

OK - a throwaway comment and it's the sort of thing I might have said - now I know it's not just being tired and disturbed out of your sleep, or insomniac, but not being permitted to sleep for more than an hour or two at any time for weeks and weeks and weeks, even months - and not just that - when you're awake you have to keep a smallthing alive, and he or she is probably screaming at you some of the time. And screaming and screaming and screaming. Having to function, work, drive, clothe and feed others whilst being in a state of exhaustion. It's traumatic.

Oh, and this all starts immediately after you've given birth which may have ripped you into shreds down below and taken hours or days of physical effort. I'm still baffled how this is considered normal and how we expect new parents to just get on with it.

I genuinely don't think you can understand how traumatic those early sleep deprived weeks can be unless you've lived it. There will be other traumatic things others have gone through that I can't understand because I haven't lived those things and we can all be empathetic but I hadn't any true comprehension until I'd lived it! Never again!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 09/11/2017 09:20

I sort of think talking about their children to those without them a bit like most people deal with talking about their jobs. A particularly funny story? Go for it. Going through a really difficult patch or having some real worries and want to talk it out? Absolutely, that's what friends are for. However, don't give a blow by blow account of the problem with the photocopier or the annoying way that Sandra files invoices by due date not issue date. The actual minutiae of your working life is not of interest to your friends, your feelings surrounding it are.

There are, incidentally, plenty of people who fail to understand this rule when they talk about work and bore everyone to tears. Some of these people even go on to be very boring parents...

RedForFilth · 09/11/2017 09:28

I never talk about my son at work unless asked about him! There is so much more to me than being a mum and I have plenty of other things to talk about and, let's be honest, other people aren't really going to be interested! I get invited to things all the time that others know I won't be able to go to but they still invite me because I think it's lovely to be asked! My childcare as a single mum is limited but I think it's kind of them to ask me personally.

biscuiteater · 09/11/2017 09:30

Asking how much food the baby eats, the person asking didn't realise that babies only had milk to start with! I was amazed by this lack of knowledge in someone who had reached retirement age.

CredulousThickos · 09/11/2017 09:30

I had two line managers in my old job, both women without kids.

When I put in my PT request I mentioned in passing that one of the reasons was that I’d be no worse off due to the childcare arrangements.

Both of them said to me, in separate conversations, that it must be great being a mum and getting tax credits so you can work part time.

We don’t get tax credits, never have. When I said that they both said that of course I did, all parents do.

They wouldn’t be told. And I got a load of snide comments about free money and an easy life.

Unsurprisingly I left soon after.

40andFat · 09/11/2017 09:39

Best one is when they compare having a baby to having a dog. Mmmm I know exactly what you mean as I have to look after Rufus walk him feed him etc it can be tough.
No that’s a dog you can leave him in the house and go out for a couple of hours if you like it’s so not the same 😳

Mittens1969 · 09/11/2017 09:48

My 2 DDs are adopted and people make the most stupid comments about that. It’s mostly comments on Facebook that annoy. ‘They’re so lucky to have you.’ ‘You’re giving them a wonderful life.’ They seem to think it’s like orphan Annie. Sorry, but losing your birth mum can never be described as ‘lucky’. And we didn’t ‘rescue’ them, Social Services did that.

But the prize for the most ridiculously question goes to my MIL. She asked when we were in the process of adopting our first DD, ‘Will she have been breast fed?’ Hmm, who do you suppose will have done that?? Confused

LondonGirl83 · 09/11/2017 09:49

I was at a restaurant and the young hostess asked if my 9 week old baby needed the kids menu!

We went out a lot with my DD from birth and the number of times we were offered high chairs when she was just weeks old I can't count 😀

brasty · 09/11/2017 09:51

People ask stupid questions about things they know nothing about.

Mittens1969 · 09/11/2017 09:55

Sorry, stupid was the wrong word there. I just get fed up with people saying that our DDs are ‘lucky’. You shouldn’t need too much knowledge to understand that it can never be ‘lucky’ to lose your family. It feels patronising more than anything really.

LondonGirl83 · 09/11/2017 09:55

This one isn't mine but a friend's friend asked all of her bridesmaids (most of whom were mums) not to get pregnant again before her wedding which was 18 months away Confused

And one of my friend's friends insisted that she still be a bridesmaid even though the wedding fell 3 days before her due date and was 100 miles out of town. Her friends was going through a hard time so the pregnant friend did it under extreme pressure and ended up I hospital. Until you're pregnant I don't think it's easy for everyone to understand how much pressure your body is under...